Red flags

Physical-Setting2122 · 2024-05-28T17:16:12+00:00

1.Her mother , if she is bipolar then it’s Red Planet ; 2.Her father as well - if he is powerless at home and just doesn’t have a proper career but survives on big assets / his wife’s income etc - 3. Your girl if she shuts down like you never existed because of some misunderstanding and comes back like you are the only one in the planet - this is Hazard 4. She is all sweet kind of Bubbles frm Power puff girls cartoon - then be cautious coz not all are bubbles forever - some are buttercup and they are always going behind you and checking for making a reason for fight and make you fight and exhaust

dsand455 · 2024-05-28T00:01:41+00:00

Realizing that she was never satisfied with anything in her life.

Job was never good enough. Pay was never good enough. Car wasn’t nice enough, house wasn’t big enough. I was never good enough. I just dread the day when it turns on our son. All I can do is be there for him and let him know he is everything to me.

Strict-Front-2375 · 2024-05-25T05:59:38+00:00

Lets see...

Definitely biggest red flag was sexual promiscuity in the past. It's the most basic thing in the world that this is a huge, massive red flag, but society really tries to protect women and shame men from understanding this. But honestly, I could end it here as this was the only flag that really mattered.
Multiple prior boyfriends had abused her. Which, yeah, I actually believe most of it, but the flip side is, she was seeking these guys out, staying with them, and letting them do the above. That's not a switch that flips back.
Pressuring me into marriage. About two years into dating she went full 'you'll never marry me, I'm just a hole to you, you're going to use me for sex then toss me away like everyone else' and kept at it until I agreed. The thing was, I had told I wanted to get married, just wanted to figure out my job situation first, but as it was, I had to try to support a family by taking whatever job I could rather than picking ones that would lead to better long term results. Delayed my career by a number of years.

That was really it pre-marriage. A lot more things started happening post marriage, but that's past red flag territory at that point.

Waste_Juggernaut784 · 2024-05-25T04:35:25+00:00

Too many great reminders I should have had when I was being raised

awaythrow-8675309 · 2024-05-24T22:18:12+00:00

Lol

Her: "I've cheated on every guy I've dated"

Me: (well, she's 21 and surely those guys were all dummies and it won't happen under my watch) "yeah ok"

Should've bailed then

Farmearth · 2024-05-24T18:34:05+00:00

Having negative comments and attitude about every prior relationship. If one person thinks everyone else is always the problem, don't ignore it!

AffectionateFactor84 · 2024-05-24T17:55:57+00:00

previous bk, claimed it was her ex's fault. ran up 50k on cc, of my credit.

JohnnyD77711 · 2024-05-24T15:07:12+00:00

Yah, I'm totally the prize. I kept telling her that to no avail. WTF??

Haunting_Profession3 · 2024-05-24T14:00:57+00:00

So what did we learn from this post fellas.

1 - either all of you were married to my wife, or I was married to one of your wives.

2 - Childhood trauma is a massive red flag that cannot be ignored.

3 - Avoidance is huge and mentioned in almost every single comment.

4 - Shitty mother in laws need to be picked up on and avoided at all costs.

5 - If she can’t admit fault and take accountability with the little things in life, she will definitely avoid that shit with your marriage and make you the problem.

Absolutely wild how every one of us shares nearly identical red flags that all of us ignored, and now we’re all divorced from people who carry those red flags. Women are extremely basic, and they are held to such lower standards than us. We are absolutely 100% the prize anymore, there is no changing my mind on that.

Financial-Builder-92 · 2024-05-24T13:22:31+00:00

Extreme control of money and use other's money.
During the menstrual cycle, extreme random emotions of anger to playing victim. When asked why so angry, the answer was. "I don't know why I'm angry nobody did anything to me."
After sex they have extremely random emotions for no good reason.
Daddy issues, Dad abused and super-controlled the family.
Always talking about self and talking down the road how others will benefit their dreams.
Extended hours in the bathroom putting on makeup and taking pics of their glutes.
Jealous of other women and making comments about their features.
Giving random guys the extra look with the batting of eyes to get attention.
Complaining a ton but not listening to suggestions to fix the problem.
Not being able to express your feelings and be completely heard.
Jealous about other people's achievements.

Long-Review-1861 · 2024-05-24T08:39:26+00:00

History of promiscuity and hating her father.

All speaks to childhood trauma and a huge possibility that she will be toxic and abusive

Rollercoaster72 · 2024-05-24T08:31:54+00:00

After 6 years I broke up with her, we didn't really communication. We got to gether after a year with 2 promises: she wanted to have kids and a family, I wanted more communication. My condition: our purpose is to get old together and never break up bc coming from a seperated Familie I didn't want to let my children experience the same. Better communication never happened. 18 years later she broke the promises...

And yesterday she asked for better or normal communication ... I stay with the facts exchange

Red flag: never try again after a breakup.

Etnies419 · 2024-05-24T07:20:29+00:00

When she told me that having children was the only way she would find happiness in life, and if she couldn't have children she felt like she might kill herself. I made the "mistake" of trying to get her to find things in her life to be happy about before having a child, since that is an extremely unfair burden to place on a child, expecting your only source of happiness to come from them.

I thank God every day that I listened to my gut and didn't have children with her.

Theedon · 2024-05-24T06:37:54+00:00

No male role model when growing up. Her mother never married and her Dad only called on her birthday. She bonded with her mother, never with me. When there were issues she took them to her mother and not me. She kept me out of her loop of personal information.

fffrdcrrf · 2024-05-24T05:37:39+00:00

Im proud of all of you for speaking your truths, stand tall gentlemen.

west-rain-shadow · 2024-05-24T05:22:28+00:00

Others have already mentioned a few.

poor employment history: firings, stretches of unemployment, short tenure
sexual promiscuity; using sex as a means of validation
negative self-image, body dysmorphia
overspending and a general inability to comprehend the effects of compound interest
later on: belittling, silent treatment

sc1617 · 2024-05-24T04:37:28+00:00

History of promiscuity

Jigglytep · 2024-05-24T04:01:37+00:00

The request for an open marriage. The assurance that it was ok if we don’t open it.

Mymindisgone217 · 2024-05-24T03:58:18+00:00

With my first now ex, I had just ignored the manipulation and put downs, because before her I had it set in my mind that I would be lucky to have anyone. I always thought very little about myself and didn't see anyone being willing to be with me. I guess my first red flag should have been her even showing interest in me.

probebeta · 2024-05-24T03:22:21+00:00

I somehow found her b* attitude attractive back then. In reality there is nothing attractive about it. It's something people should run away from, bad at treating others, entitled, sometimes rude.

Haunting_Profession3 · 2024-05-24T03:12:28+00:00

Aside from her raging bitch of a mother with a horrible past and example set for her daughters, I’d say her avoidance in pretty much everything. She ran from everything and anything that presented a possible challenge, and never took any accountability for anything she clearly was wrong for. She was also big on knocking me down doing things that I enjoyed if it made her feel any type of way. Dancing to music, singing along to music, working out, really just any enjoyable situation for me.. she’d make me feel insecure almost immediately.

She’s a social media sweetheart, but just like her whore mom, she’s bitter and insecure in real life.

Sacramentardo · 2024-05-24T02:37:50+00:00

Bad relationships with everyone in her family. This is a huge one I overlooked. Also her habit of completely writing people off if they “wronged” her. And someone else said it, but her inability to have any sort of serious conversation without walking away.

stopher01 · 2024-05-24T02:36:12+00:00

Took 0 accountability for anything, selfish, not willing to have hard conversations, phone in her face 24/7, lied about small things (so of course she would lie about cheating), not to mention extremely insecure how can they love anyone or anything if they don’t even love themselves

MR-Ozmidnight · 2024-05-24T02:00:24+00:00

Ow many and varied, her anger towards me and my sons, spending time away from the house, wanting more weekends away with GFs, buying new clothes, and taking better care of herself, It was the time before mobile phones, lol, so no sniggering from the back. Yes, I'm old, lol. I think there are all the usual ones, but remember, this was pre-internet, not by much, though, so we didn't have things like Reddit and other resources, so the cheated partner usually never knew until they got the divorce papers, but cheating has been going g on from day dot, so don't feel bad, as they say, you're not the first and won't t be the last. But one thing you guys have is pages like this and other resources that are on the net, and you have friends here who are with you all the way 😉

CaptainMustardo · 2024-05-24T01:58:03+00:00

Controlling and super money oriented. She was happy to spend my money (including paying off her student loan with my commission check) but after I got laid off due to a merger, complained to my parents at a free lake vacation that she had become accustomed to a certain lifestyle and shouldn't have to change that. Shallow as fuck. I've noticed a similar attitude in many women these days and to be honest I'd rather be alone.

MidniteOG · 2024-05-24T01:46:32+00:00

Leaving during arguments, avoiding hard conversations, blame, 1 up’s / keeping score, poor family relationships,

roshi-roshi · 2024-05-24T00:24:05+00:00

Didn’t ask me one question on our first date. WTF? Didn’t like most of the music I just loved and brought meaning to my life. I’ve lost that completely and now I’m so depressed I don’t enjoy music anymore.

upvotersfortruth · 2024-05-24T00:12:08+00:00

Narcissistic mother. Inability to compromise on anything.

crak84 · 2024-05-23T23:42:14+00:00

I proposed to her with my grandmother's ring.

She still wanted her own engagement ring that she picked out later.

KillerUndies · 2024-05-23T23:25:02+00:00

I asked her once if I ever got injured and couldn't wipe my own ass if she would step up. She said no.

I shoulda known then.

Vipper_of_Vip99 · 2024-05-23T23:24:15+00:00

Is proud of herself for “accidentally” making it out of the grocery store with that extra bag of dog food on the lower rack of the cart, and the cashier not catching it at check-out. If you are willing to cheat a grocery store you are wiling to cheat on your husband.

Ancient-Homework7557 · 2024-05-23T23:02:28+00:00

Poor relationship with her family. No female friends. Insisting she's never wrong and thinking it was "cute" Wild mood swings. I could fill a book.

WittyBeautiful7654 · 2024-05-23T23:01:56+00:00

Single moms who love with their parents.

NotUsedUsernameYet · 2024-05-23T23:00:10+00:00

Attitude and lack of respect.

krazykanuck · 2024-05-23T22:30:54+00:00

Over reacting to small things. Poor relationship with her family. No female friends. Not respecting boundaries. Honestly, there are a lot more and its something ive been actively working on with myself. Why do i ignore these things.

Accomplished_Gene176 · 2024-05-23T22:24:14+00:00

Her slutty past. When I asked her body count and got crickets I should have ran!

aintTrollingYou · 2024-05-23T22:11:25+00:00

She was working at a strip club and dabbling with crack cocaine.

In case you're wondering, no I did not meet her at the strip club and no, I have never had anything to do with crack. I pulled her out of that shit, to my demise.

Wise_Serve_3140 · 2024-05-23T21:44:28+00:00

Troubled relationships in the past

Issues at work

Constant firings

The overall attitude of everyone is out to get her

Zero compromise

Everything is a win and lose scenario, she's either winning or losing no grey area in life, yourre either with her or against her Zero empathy

Takes zero responsibility

Zero loyalty will tell anyone and everyone when she's mad g your what an asshole you are

Treats strangers better then you

Mobile_Scientist_719 · 2024-05-23T21:43:14+00:00

She still lived with her parents while we dated. I headed over to their house. She cooked breakfast for me: toast and coffee. She burnt the toast and reused old coffee grinds.

guy_n_cognito_tu · 2024-05-23T21:34:03+00:00

That bitchy attitude and temper wasn't just her hormones.....

Title	Red flags
Author	fffrdcrrf
Upvotes	24
Comments	92
Date	May 23, 2024 9:25 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1cz46hd/red_flags/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/red-flags.1519338 https://theredarchive.com/post/1519338

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