Red flags - avoid them not so easy.

catchyourselfon3636 · 2024-08-24T06:17:24+00:00

The universe cannot wait until you return to stardust.

jd385272 · 2024-08-24T03:31:59+00:00

That's kinda similar to me:

I remember when I first met my stbx wife, she opened up to me about all the trauma that has happened in her life : Dad left when she was a child then passed away in an "accident", mom would leave them for extended periods of time with family friends or neighbors and go on sex escapades, she was placed on foster care, when she was a teen she got drunk at a party and was raped by her brother's friend, later on got in a fight with her mom, decided to live in her car, ended up getting raped repeatedly by the same guy (resulting in PTSD), then on top of all that she has a chronic illness with a mortality rate of 20%.

Also, She's a HS dropout, and she'd slit her arms because of severe depression.

ABBucsfan · 2024-08-23T16:10:14+00:00

Yeah I married someone who's father left because he actually had another family, who's mother was a narcissist who was abusive and as kids they had to stop their mother from jumping out the window. Somehow I thought she might be ok, did have some extreme reactions to things. Also a long difficult marriage, good enough to give me hope for a bit where we had kids. Also seemed to have that pattern where a lot of her problems in life were self inflicted aside from childhood. Also a risk taker.

What I learned is generally stay away from people with too much trauma/ baggage. It sounds cold and people will argue they deserve love too, but they can go ahead then. You take on the risk.. don't ask me to. Marriage is hard enough even with two well adjusted people. Don't start with lower chances. That's for them to sort out, you can't fix them. They also won't even appreciate you for trying to help and will only get mad I'd you even hint they need some help. Heavy childhood trauma like this often leads to personality disorders and such, and can run in the family. I''m 99% sure my ex MIL was a narc and her siblings were afraid of her, almost positive ex was bpd with maybe npd mixed in, unfortunately my daughter is showing a superiority complex over everyone with lack of empathy and so we are concerned

MonarchistExtreme · 2024-08-23T15:07:20+00:00

my ex was an SA survivor and a manipulative narcissist...she used her past trauma as a get out of jail free card whenever she was caught out. By the end of it all some things leapt from my mouth that I am not proud of but you can only be beaten over the head for so long by something before you just grow numb to it. She told me so many lies during the course of our relationship I'm not even sure I believe she was a victim. She might've been....but then again, she'd lie and say water wasn't wet if she thought it improved her position in a disagreement.

yurnero07 · 2024-08-23T12:48:05+00:00

OP your story helps me understand what bullet am about to dodge. Thanks for sharing with us.

xadmin123 · 2024-08-23T12:26:58+00:00

A girl full of red flags will only pick guys who are trauma themselves because these guys are willing to put up with her bad behavior. Healthy guys would see reality for what it is vs what it should be and walk. Good thing you are walking out now.

SaltSpecialistSalt · 2024-08-23T11:00:19+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWUDLnMfH7Y

watch this video man. pay attention especially the part with wild sex at the beginning of relationship. watch her other videos as well. this womans channel should be mandatory viewing for all man before getting involved with women

InspectionOk4379 · 2024-08-23T10:54:16+00:00

While at the start is did not seem like a red flag it became eventually. Thought things whould change thru time but to this day I vivdly remember the night I realized it deep down in me and still choose to ignore it. Bit me right in the arse less than a decade later.

Shes too attached to her family.

And its not like they are a family that gets along really great either tbh. That meants that with her very respected job in the society, herself, kids, parents I am nowhere near her priority list and treated as such. not a priority.

Title	Red flags - avoid them not so easy.
Author	Sea-Equipment7431
Upvotes	14
Comments	13
Date	August 23, 2024 10:14 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1ez93lx/red_flags_avoid_them_not_so_easy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/red-flags-avoid-them-not-so-easy.1528102 https://theredarchive.com/post/1528102

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