Been 18 month. I am getting worse. Luckily cut back on drinking and eating junk food. Still on the verge of panic any mommy. Not sleeping. Starting to cross lines talking with teen about mother. I stop myself. She had stonewalled me since the beginning. That is the cruelest thing you can do to someone. She has said she will never talk to me about ‘us’ ever again. The hurt from that is excruciating. My older son who is in college is home, but doing an internship. Of course he’s staying at mom’s. 17 year old never stays an entire week with me, even though he’s supposed to. Ex will no longer email about kid issues. I still cant believe this has happened to me. I thought sh was committed. Probably had an affair. We had a fun amazing family. I guess we all paid the price that she no longer wanted that. The transition has been hell and rules my life. I’m scared, alone, depressed, suicidal and poor. Yes, I do all the things. Few ok days a week. I fear this will rule threat of my life. I can’t believe I married such a cruel woman. There’s no where to escape the misery.