Just Really Missing Her

Mypathofhealing · 2024-08-08T12:19:00+00:00

Just out of curiosity (I recognize your name), how old is your wife?

Opening_Sprinkles_60 · 2024-07-30T19:32:00+00:00

Do you really miss her or do you miss being in a relationship and family life?

roshi-roshi · 2024-07-29T16:56:17+00:00

It's the absolute worst when you can't even enjoy sleep when you can't sleep or are having nightmares about the relationship. Still tough waking up expecting her to be next to me and she's not.

Grumbledook1 · 2024-07-29T12:10:52+00:00

Start lifting weights pussy

RoyoKahn · 2024-07-29T06:39:15+00:00

I know it’s hard and yes the stages of grief is not linear but you need to engross yourself in so many different things just to keep your mind occupied otherwise she will live in your head rent free and you will need to pay for a therapist which is so expensive and you do not want to do that

WiseMute · 2024-07-29T02:50:26+00:00

Anger and pain can only be solved by going to the gym

shalalala77 · 2024-07-29T00:31:54+00:00

The wave of divorce is a wild ride of emotion. I have had so many good weeks straight and then it hits you all at once.

I know it’s hard to think about, but think of all the positives and the new future you can make. Don’t turn the page completely until you take all that happened before and learn from it.

I’m currently in my final week at the house my wife and I built together basically. I’m struggling packing and getting my mind straight. I know once I’m gone though I can really focus on me and get to turn that page over.

CheetahBackground285 · 2024-07-28T20:42:19+00:00

Yeah. Waking up from a nightmare and remembering you rather be sleeping anyway. Been there. Hang tough. It gets better. Time is only cure

FuriousSasquatch · 2024-07-28T19:56:12+00:00

It sucks man. Some days the cold hard reality hits hard, others it's kind of dull or not noticeable. I miss my old life. Miss how my family was. Miss who my wife was. It's unfortunate, but all that is gone. What I have now is different. My life, my family, my now ex wife. Make the best of what you can, meaning your own life and your family you have now. Let her go and send the thoughts with her. Who she is now is not who she used to be. It helps me when I have missing moments to just think about that. It's ok to miss all that stuff and I'm sure everyone does. Just don't let the missing bury you in regret or blame.

likeaffox · 2024-07-28T14:47:57+00:00

I'm in the same boat. 2 and 4 year old. Just no more family unit, even if it was bad it was family.

Don't drink, or smoke, don't ignore your thoughts or emotions. Get a therapist, go out and see friends and family.

Go do the things you did single, dwelling in the past only leads to sadness. Make plans, get in shape, go on a vacation, travel. Remake your life and enjoy it's only you now

Objective-Apple-7830 · 2024-07-28T11:26:22+00:00

I have a list of the terrible things she did/said to me whilst married. All I need to do is re-read them, and the "missing" feeling oozes away like jelly.

ADivorcedGuy · 2024-07-28T01:12:55+00:00

I am sorry for your loss. I know that it sucks. You feel like part of you has been ripped out amd tossed in the trash. But you will get through this and it will get better.

Take tome to grieve, but start rebuilding your life with things that you enjoy doing. Take on new hobbies. Join a mens group. Make new friends. Find new things that make you smile.

You will get through this.

jonathanclee1 · 2024-07-27T18:04:44+00:00

Its been years for me she's moved on and remarried, I haven't dated much and I still have dreams about her/ us and it is still hard sometimes.

karavan7 · 2024-07-27T16:41:12+00:00

Your brain is processing the loss and rearranging that information while you dream.

grimxluna4ever · 2024-07-27T16:09:56+00:00

I have only been face to face with her a couple times in the last few months. A perfect stranger. 16 years of best friend. A year of her abandonment and affair. And now I have no idea who this person is. I'm just me. Pretty simple. It strains my logical brain to see a person do such a flip. Change so drastically. Lie so much without remorse. Care so little about our children. She's seen my son maybe 5 times in 3 1/2 months. One time she and her affair guy took him out on a boat. She lied to me about that too. It's hard to wrap my mind around. But I don't have to live it anymore. The day to day. I think back and it was really bad on me emotionally. Trying to get me back. What happens to her happens to her. Not my responsibility anymore.

grimxluna4ever · 2024-07-27T15:58:38+00:00

I'm so sorry. In the same boat. Starting not to miss her but miss the family unit terribly. She did unspeakable things but my kids didn't. We didn't deserve what she did to us. No us anymore. Just another broken western family. Seems it's what our culture is about now. Normal

tempussecundus · 2024-07-27T15:41:19+00:00

I think the hardest thing is revisiting our old spots when we were dating. It reminded me how different a person she was. But she hadn't processed her mother's severe abuse on her as a kid and I truly believe she has C-PTSD/BPD because of it.

I also could've been a better husband, but while I accept she is no longer the woman I loved, I'll always love her because she gave me my two little girls.

Independent_Owlz · 2024-07-27T15:05:40+00:00

The stages of grief are not linear. I’m still struggling with acceptance 2 years later.

AirSailer · 2024-07-27T14:07:24+00:00

I'm almost 4 years out from my divorce, and I still deal with this sometimes. It was much worse at the beginning when I was alone, but I've adjusted and learned to focus on other things. If you keep yourself occupied (outside of work) your mind will replace her with more immediate concerns. The first few months are rough.

ReallyRealOrNot · 2024-07-27T13:59:03+00:00

The lyrics to "Downbound Train" by Bruce Springsteen...

MsunuKany0k0 · 2024-07-27T13:44:13+00:00

Radical acceptance is a concept I didnt know before this divorce season and it has helped. My dreams have gone from her in them and us either hooking up, talking about getting back together toast night I had a dream where I told an old friend what had happened and she didn’t make an appearance. She was mentioned only by name and I think my brain is letting go slowly but surely. It just takes time and I’m not even all the way there yet. About 9 months since separation and 4 months since divorce was final. But I don’t think I fully let go until about 2 months ago. Letting them go is the key especially when you just want the family unit back

Outrageous-Quail5891 · 2024-07-27T13:10:57+00:00

I know the feeling. The first month after my ex cheated and asked for a divorce I would wake up every 1-2 hours during the night because of all sort of dreams and thoughts. Some related to what has been, some related to what she did, some related to what could have been as if my mind was still searching for solutions. The "dreams" became less and less frequent with time.

It will get easier for you as well, but it takes time. Sadly, this can't be sped up and you will just have to march through the pain. Weekends will be the worst, or at least are for me. The loneliness is as max when you are just you: no work, the child is at her, friends have other plans... It is just you and your thoughts. Prepare for those days!

Title	Just Really Missing Her
Author	roshi-roshi
Upvotes	28
Comments	82
Date	July 27, 2024 12:50 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1edfn3j/just_really_missing_her/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/just-really-missing-her.1525474 https://theredarchive.com/post/1525474

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