Update and having intrusive thoughts.

Boolit_Tooth_Tony · 2024-06-16T04:34:18+00:00

Stop ruminating. Work on you. Burn the energy off. We create neural pathways with our bad thoughts and keep going down them. You have to break the pattern. Start working on you. Start thinking about how awesome it'll be when you meet that next one and how great it'll feel, and how you have new lessons you learned from the ex.

stupididiot78 · 2024-06-16T01:11:10+00:00

It does get easier with time.

Also, why would you want to talk to someone who has treated the way she has?

Psychological_Art823 · 2024-06-16T00:20:49+00:00

Hey mate,

First of all sorry to hear you up to your neck in this shit as well.

As Ive learned, its best to accept the worst case scenario. Try dealing with it from there. Just assume shes with other men now. Im sorry mate but sounds like its completely over. Its gonna take time but you will get there.

For the record I still struggle daily with intrusive thoughts. An ruminate on shit. Its horrible and soul destroying. Im 8 months 8 in and still have really bad days. Im in therapy, it hasnt been a game changer but it does help to level me out.

I think its safe to say everything gets better with time, everything does. As for the rebound lay I cant comment, Ive personally chosen to avoid that route. Im just not ready for that. Some say it helps a lot others have bad experiences with getting back on the horse too quickly.

Have a plan for when you need to meet, worry about protecting yourself and doing what you need to do without complication and stressing yourself more than you need.

Its all fuckin brutal.. i know man. Keep pushing.

grimxluna4ever · 2024-06-15T20:04:04+00:00

She's only with my son about once a week. We too are selling our home we just bought 4 months ago. I have real anxiety when he's with her. I feel like he's not coming back. This is very knew to me. A couple weeks into that. I'm not sure how to turn it off. He's 16. He can make his own decisions. I've been dad for so long. Protector. Teacher. I have no idea what I'm doing here. What the right thing is. She's BPD. A master manipulator. It terrifies me. I just want him back home. Now. I gotta chill.

Strict-Front-2375 · 2024-06-15T18:47:21+00:00

Yes, she is already having sex with other men. She was at the very least talking to them before she left, and overwhelmingly likely to already be fucking them.

No, she's not coming back. And if she does, it's because the men she's let fuck her won't take care of her, she has no money herself to take of herself, and no friends and family will support her. She will continue fucking other dudes, just this time she'll wait until she's sure she has somewhere to stay before she leaves.

Yes, it gets better with time. You just understand it will take time. The first year will be pretty awful. The next year will just be bad. The third year will be a bit depressing. You'll probably be okay by the 4th year, and by the 5th, you'll be doing better than while married.

Sleeping with other women is a great short term fix. Don't talk to them about your divorce at all. Don't get serious. You have to be at a min level for this, but fucking other people will 100% help you get over her. It's the reason she got over you so fast is because she was already having other men fuck her.

Get a lawyer. An amicable divorce is one in which the man bends over.

fixingmedaybyday · 2024-06-15T17:45:41+00:00

Get a lawyer. They can help you more than you know.
Get a therapist. They will help you with dealing with the thoughts and can give perspective.
Accept the hurt. There’s no way around it. It’s not to earn a merit badge, but more like a mountain pass you have to climb to get out of the valley of despair you’re in. Let it hurt and know it will hurt less and less over time. DO NOT APPLY PERMANENT SOLUTIONS TO TEMPORARY PROBLEMS.
Get with friends. New friends old friends, etc.
Custody exchanges - don’t talk about anything other than the kid. If you can, hug the kid goodbye and send them out the door and avoid her completely. (Just the sight of her sets me back btw)
Know you’re not alone, no matter how much it feels like it. You can do this.
Take care of you first now. This should be #1 and 7 really.

Title	Update and having intrusive thoughts.
Author	RaiderCC16
Upvotes	10
Comments	16
Date	June 15, 2024 4:35 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1dglvx2/update_and_having_intrusive_thoughts/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/update-and-having-intrusive-thoughts.1521657 https://theredarchive.com/post/1521657

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