It has been roughly two months since the STBXW called it quits. The first month was INCREDIBLY brutal; nonstop emotions pouring out, constant reaching out to friends for help/advice/someone to talk to, and even at some point, thoughts of ending my life. What made it more difficult is that we still live together, just in separate rooms. I have been going to therapy two times a week and have been doing some "shopping around" with therapists and I've found that the student therapists were the most effective for me as they were closer to my age and could relate more to me (i'm 25). I have been thinking of her less and less as the time has passed and rarely do I try to communicate with her unless its about our pets. There have been a couple of setbacks, like when she suddenly gets emotional or will say things to mess with me such as "did you miss me" while I was out on a trip, or "you look very handsome right now" after an argument. I have been less tolerant of her behavior and have been walking away whenever she tries to start something. Knowing myself, if she were to suddenly have a change of heart and wanted to get back together I'd probably take her back because of my emotions. Logically I would not allow that to happen and luckily have my friends and family to help me keep accountability on that aspect.

I've been working out a lot, reading books on self improvement, and eating a lot healthier. I am on new medication to help with anxiety and sleep as the circumstances really took a toll on me. I'm posting this because I want those of you who are going through the worst of it to know that moving on IS POSSIBLE. It may seem tough at the current moment, but you will eventually grow and live without your STBX. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE seek therapy, holy hell it worked wonders on me.

There have been constant thoughts in my head during my journey that have been slowing my progress such as: 1. I will never find someone again that I am attracted to. 2. Am I really the monster my STBXW makes me out to be? 3. Why won't she put in any effort into our marriage when I have been doing everything that I can to fix it?

These are the conclusions and constant reminders I give myself whenever those thoughts do come up: 1. I managed to find and marry my STBXW. I have had multiple women that I deemed attractive come up to me while married (where were they before my marriage lmao) and I rejected them because I was loyal. Reminding myself this makes me know I am capable of attracting women that I am attracted to. 2. I may have been the monster she deemed me as, and several things she said was definitely an over-exaggeration. However, by self-reflecting on my behaviors, I cannot change my past but I can decide how I act now and better myself to not be the person I once was. 3. I remind myself that a relationship involves two people. Its a balance of two people putting in equal effort. Why give someone a foot when they won't give you an inch. Love and respect yourself to know your worth.

You guys got this, remember you're not going through this alone. A lot of us on this forum were in this boat too.