Wow, I can't believe it's already been about 2 years since I separated with my ex-wife. I am posting this because I felt this would help others that are currently in the beginning stages of the separation/divorce process as it helped me to read other's posts that I related to while I was going through it.

Here's my original first 7-month separation update.

Immediately after the divorce I felt relieved that I closed that chapter in my life. I chose to not actively date/get into a relationship with anyone as I felt like I was not ready to be committed to someone after going through a lot. I met with other women casually and organically but did not pursue anything serious. It happened naturally, and nothing really came out of it other than hookups. I rarely think of my ex-wife these days, but when I do it's not out of a place of missing her, regret, or out of any emotion, but rather a place of curiosity. I have not spoken to or seen her since the divorce and chose to block her on every single form of social media. It definitely was not easy, and I carried a lot of traumas from the aftermath. I continued to go to therapy to work on myself and overcome what I had gone through and address any internalized emotions and thoughts that I carried. Eventually I got to a place where even my therapist said that it didn't seem like I needed to pursue therapy anymore as I had become aware of my problems and pretty active on working through them without any hesitation. I ended up continuing to maintain the routines I developed from the beginning of the divorce to improve myself such as fitness, reading self-improvement books, making new friends, and doing things for myself. I still occasionally go to therapy to check-in on myself and evaluate anything that I need to overcome with myself. Overall, I feel that I didn't allow the divorce to define me and allowed me to realize my own importance to myself and ended up bettering myself in the end. The main thing was that I did not want the sadness to define or take over my life and feel sorry for myself from a third-party perspective as it is up to me to decide how I can let this divorce define me.

I got to a point where I felt comfortable dating again about two months ago and was actively seeing multiple people at one point and decided to be exclusive with one of them. The person I picked is absolutely stunning and we were seriously seeing each other until she ended it abruptly out of nowhere (that's a different story to tell). Although now I am grieving that loss, I took it as a win because I initially had the mindset that I was never going to find someone else that I would be attracted to or ever want to pursue another relationship.

Overall, this journey had many ups, but several more downs. The breakdowns, depression and anxiety-episodes, and lack of self-worth made things incredibly difficult; but I did not allow it to hold me back to reach where I am today. I am a lot happier today than I was two years ago. I've learned so much about myself and no longer feel emotionally drained because of a toxic relationship (from both sides). I don't regret the overall experience of my marriage as it has taught me a lot of life lessons on things to work on and what I do and don't like in a partner. Don't let your sorrows define you at this moment. I'm not saying to ignore your feelings, honestly, I believe you should go through the grieving process and not around it. But I am telling you that if you constantly feel pity towards yourself and don't do anything about it to fix your situation, then you are only going to be stuck in this negative cycle. There is no set time frame as to when you will be able to move on from your ex, its all about how you work through what you are experiencing. Hang in there, stay tough, focus on yourself (and your kids if you have any). It's time to explore your chapter now and not linger into the past. Wish you all the best of luck in your journey.

Edit:

Adding links to several of my other posts I made while initially going through the separation and divorce to show how I was really struggling through it and how I was mentally unable to accept what was happening

  1. What did you do? (asking for advice)

  2. Advice during divorce