Weaponizing kids.

AirSailer · 2022-07-25T00:02:54+00:00

You will need to buy the kids their own stuff for use at your house. You don't want to get to the point where you are buying items for them to use at her house which will be her expectation IF she is expected to send items to your house now. It will be weird at first, but your kids will get used to the idea of transfers with only the clothes they have on.

mpjune69 · 2022-07-25T03:41:50+00:00

Things will probably get worse before they get better.

Your title, "Weaponizing kids" caught my eye, as I have been there myself, as I imagine many parties to a divorce with children have.

I've been divorced for 15 years now. There have been periods of relative calm, there have been times that I thought the entire "system" was out to get me.

The shittiest part? It's intentional - she knows what buttons to press, in what order, and how hard.

The tragedy (for her, your children) is that she fails to see that your kids WILL realize what's going on. Eventually.

As another person said - you'll have to duplicate clothing, personal items - toothbrushes, OTC medicines - things like that. If she's keeping your children from having their favorite stuffed animal, the softest blanket - she's only hurting the kids. Yes, it hurts you too. But more than anyone, it hurts the kids.

Whatever you do, no matter how strong the urge, don't share her wicked ways with your kids - even if she's doing it to them (with you).

Insist and agree upon a list of the true essentials - favorite stuffed animals, blankets and other items of comfort be ready and in a backpack or bag of some sort. Make that list - laminate it if you have to - and make sure those items are packed and ready to go at pickup and drop-off time. No excuses, no exceptions.

And sometimes you have to realize that logic has been temporarily thrown out the window. Hopefully to return at some point.

For the last several years, things between my EW have been quiet. Almost too quiet. My kids are 20 and 22 - she just served me with contempt charges for not paying for piano lessons, gymnastics, baseball and whatever else that wasn't spelled out in the divorce in 2007. Go figure.

Brighter days are ahead, it may not happen as quickly as you'd like, but they (your children) will realize what's going on.

Stay strong for yourself and children.

James1933-75 · 2022-07-24T23:37:45+00:00

Do you have a lawyer?

awesomelybearded · 2022-07-25T02:25:46+00:00

It was $1400 for three new car seats when all this started for me three years ago. You’re literally surviving a natural disaster. If she has started this behavior, it’s just going to continue. That seems to be the consensus on this subreddit.

WartimeDad · 2022-07-25T03:39:11+00:00

I remember those days. It gets better. Stay the course. Her lies work in the beginning but as time goes they stop working. The better you stay level and grey rock the less she lies and better, the less her lies can impact you.

She will always lie and always be a shit mom. But in the end that won’t matter. Get your 50/50 and be a good dad. Your kids need you so bad, because they have a narcissistic turd for a mom.

pyschoandie · 2022-07-25T15:16:50+00:00

I know as a assigned female at birth dis isnt my space So ill try n make dis short. My foster adoptive mom weopnized us kids agaist my foster adoptive dad. She was super abuse n had brainwashin skills dat would put da fbi to task. She convinced us our dad was a creep, n talkd bad bout him constantly. I would only b able 2 spend da summers wit him. 1 time he sent me home wit sumthin n she threw it away. As an adult i had 2 spend bout 5 yrs undoin da brainwashin shed done. But n dis is most important; Now as an adult i talk to him regularly n i realized he was da only person who loved me as a kid n his house was da only place i was happy. I hope ur story turns out good as well good luck.

This is a copied message. I have a hand disiabilty. I use phonetic shorthand

fps81 · 2022-07-25T13:07:22+00:00

Kid stuff is cheap compared to how financially miserable she can make your life. Between child support and nonsense legal scuffles, I pay enough to buy all 3 of my kids all new stuff every 2 weeks for the privilege of being free of her.

Go to target and buy all new stuff. It’s not worth it to argue over this.

pegleg_legal · 2022-07-25T04:15:00+00:00

This is a very common form of alienation/weaponization/etc. one parent will make the kids feel that their accommodation and time is more comfortable, fun, full of toys, activities, etc., in an attempt to dissuade the kids from spending time with the other parent. Frankly, these details could have been included in the temporaries. But if they weren't, then you'll probably need to buy your way back into the game. But so long as they know their mother is the one taking their things away from them, I'm not sure that's a smart move by her. Depriving doesn't work as well as buying.

JonathanApple · 2022-07-26T14:29:26+00:00

Special place in hell for those that do that. Your ex will meet mine there one day.

Edit - take care of yourself it is going to be a long and bumpy ride, some days I'm just thankful it hasn't killed me yet.

mpjune69 · 2022-07-27T14:32:26+00:00

DO NOT USE THIS, IT ENFORCES WHAT YOU ALREADY KNOW! Let it serve as a reminder to you - don't play her game. As I mentioned in my original reply, the kids WILL see her behavior for what it is. It might take years, but kids are intuitive, children of divorce are often more aware of this behavior. One thing that I did was to encourage them to support the other, share feelings and emotions. A sibling understands "what's going on" better than you or your STBEX. I would make it a point to remind them that their relationship is one thing they have control of, and regardless of what mommy does, or you do, remarry, date, etc. - nothing can or should change their relationship.

Despicable

Title	Weaponizing kids.
Author	aie-m
Upvotes	17
Comments	32
Date	July 24, 2022 10:57 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/w78h3q/weaponizing_kids/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/weaponizing-kids.1124963 https://theredarchive.com/post/1124963

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