What am I doing wrong?

TheBoyBand · 2023-07-08T05:34:20+00:00

What your doing wrong is letting her call the shots and walking all over you, Supervisors? TF! YOU ARE THE FATHER! are you reading!!! How old are you?

Do you have an attorney?

FUMoney · 2023-07-08T08:46:04+00:00

What are you doing wrong? You are doing stuff, agreeing to stuff, trying to negotiate OUTSIDE OF COURT after you have been assaulted by your wife, and left your house. You are going about this all wrong.

You need strong legal counsel, and you need judicial ORDERS to COMPEL appropriate, enforceable behavior by all parties concerning every aspect of your divorce. Absent a divorce order -- you have absolutely nothing. And you need to recognize this.

THAT Is what you are doing wrong. Read on:

Nothing in writing yet.

Then whatever you have "agreed" to verbally means absolutely nothing. And even if it was in a writing between you both, it still means nothing in the eyes of the court.

Unless and until you have a divorce petition / dissolution order, signed by a judge and docketed in the court's registry/docket, it means nothing.

Also, based on what you wrote, I am strongly suggesting you get a lawyer who can walk you through this process every step of the way.

It is plain to me, right from the jump, you are going to need a clear and detailed order of marital dissolution that clearly spells out everything concerning assets, liabilities, the marital home and mortgage debt, credit cards, bank accounts, child support, child custody -- everything. Right down to dropoff dates, times, locations. And if there are fights or disagreements, how those can be quickly and efficiently brought right back into court for resolution.

You also need to research this forum, right here. Search for terms, items, categories of things fathers included or demanded of the court in their marital dissolution order. There is a wealth of information here, with excellent suggestions.

You also should seek out sample divorce orders to get a flavor for the types and kinds of things you want the court to order. Make no mistake. Make no mistake: your divorce order is going to be your fucking blueprint for life -- for the next X years until your child reaches the age of majority in your state.

That divorce order is going to be your gospel. Your life blueprint. You are going to focus everything on that divorce order. Do not underestimate or discount what I am saying. And when the ex spouse tries to stir the shit pot, you are going to SLAM the fucking lid with that divorce order. "Not in the order? Sorry, no deal." "Oh, you're not following the divorce order? My lawyer will be contacting your lawyer for a contempt of court hearing date. Have a good evening and I'll see you at the contempt hearing. There will be nothing further from me."

THAT is how this will go down. Mark these words. Heed them. Because this is the truth. After you have that divorce order, watch how the behavior markedly improves when the threat of contempt can result in real-world implications and enforcement against your ex spouse. This matters, a lot.

Ex wife wants half of my bank account, wants me to pay for the mortgage

Do not agree to this; in fact you shouldn't be agreeing to anything at this point. First, any out-of-court agreement is utterly meaningless.

Second, you need to proceed with the litigation/divorce process. See what the law of your state says, see what your lawyer says. And fight for the most favorable financial deal you can achieve. This may include a forced judicial sale of the house, and each of you getting your own place. You want ZERO financial entanglements post-divorce. Zero. Mark these words too.

If her demands are even an iota outside the guidelines -- fight and go to trial. Take your chances with the court and your judge.

I say again, this recitation makes it very clear you need specific, concrete legal guidance, as well as a clear, plain, detailed divorce order. Else you are going to have endless fights and zero peace.

Do you want a life? Do you want to put an end to this bullshit? Then your life post-divorce must be, as much as possible, (1) zero financial entanglements with the ex-spouse, and (2) a solid, favorable, concrete, detailed, unassailable divorce order / decree.

Ignore this advice at your own risk. I know of what I speak.

Reasonable-Desk-8508 · 2023-07-08T15:32:34+00:00

I wish my divorced happened when I was in the Air Force. I feel like my leadership would have been very helpful and graceful with me. Plus then my suicide attempts would have revealed my PTSD and I'd have been medically discharged.

Title	What am I doing wrong?
Author	abbatoirdavid
Upvotes	1
Comments	11
Date	July 8, 2023 4:58 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/14tu8vu/what_am_i_doing_wrong/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/what-am-i-doing-wrong.1224644 https://theredarchive.com/post/1224644

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