What to do?

GoldBunch7294 · 2026-02-02T02:52:34+00:00

That kind of blindsiding hurts like hell. From what you’re describing, it doesn’t sound like you were being careless or checked out at all. Sometimes “suffocating” is just the word people use when they don’t fully understand (or can’t explain) their own need for space. That doesn’t make you a bad husband or dad. Two kids under 3, military life, no real downtime — that’s a pressure cooker. You’re not crazy for feeling wrecked by this, and you’re not weak for loving hard. One day at a time right now is enough.

Chemical-Eye-1828 · 2026-02-01T22:59:48+00:00

This can be heart wrenching to hear I’m sure but it’s not impossible to overcome with hard work on your part. Dig deep into yourself and find out whether you have shown up daily as your best self as a man and husband? Find out what her needs are and figure out where you can improve on in meeting them. She is experiencing your marriage in a way that perhaps you should consider exploring. What can you do to take responsibility for the part that you have played in getting your marriage to this point. If you can be humble, curious and determined about consistent work on yourself you may be surprised at how much you can accomplish in rectifying your situation.

Best of luck don’t give up. Look within.

Seemedlikefun · 2026-01-31T19:57:32+00:00

https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1AY7E9117g/

MonkeyBranchBuster · 2026-01-31T15:42:57+00:00

Women with small kids very rarely leave non abusive relationships if there is no one else. At this point they need safety and security and they usually have someone in mind to provide that better than you (at least that's what they think will happen).

tonyway7293 · 2026-01-31T14:06:58+00:00

I am also military (Air Force) and my STBXW dropped the bomb on me back in May. She moved out in July having zero interest in fixing anything. I lost my dogs. I also missed out on a really cool deployment because of all this. I was spinning up to deploy. When I told command, my Commander (who has been through divorce) told me "Sit this one out, this will be one of the toughest moments of your life, can't have your focus elsewhere in a combat zone". I was pissed, but now, looking back, that was a great decision for the safety of myself and the airmen around me.

There were some other things at play in my situation, but all our stories seem to be the same brother..... they build up resentment silently (possibly throwing out a few hints that we miss), shady/secretive behavior starts to follow (talking to other men, getting emotional and possibly physical), they get the "grass is greener" mindset, they pull the plug either themselves or, as in my case, you catch them in the act of betrayal..... and then they blame it ALL on you.

Stand strong brother. It's a long hard road. Even if you aren't religious, reach out to the Chaplain. Setup free therapy (either through your unit's health resources or through Military One Source). Also, talk to legal to see what the road ahead will look like.

Update: I can’t stress enough utilizing the military’s resources. Family and friends as well. Divorce is rampant in the military and there is a lot of support out there. As mentioned, my Commander went through it, Chief, like half the NCOs in my unit haha and so many others. Lean on that support. That brotherhood is something that is harder to find on the outside in the civilian sector.

Ptsdveterannavy · 2026-01-31T13:37:31+00:00

My take from going through this after a 16yr marriage, (I’m military as well) if after all you’ve both been through including having kids, she drops all this on you out of no where and doesn’t want to do anything to try to salvage the marriage, she has been planning an exit for years, you just want seeing the sign’s, you seem shocked and surprised from her cold actions of moving out and her filing for divorce, why wouldn’t you think there isn’t someone else? She hid her feelings from you for so long, and when decided to tell you, it was through text. I’ll pray for you my brother in arms, and wish you and your family well. No disrespect intended just expressing similarity from my experience with my marriage.

Ok-Anything-3605 · 2026-01-31T12:05:04+00:00

After shit hit the fan in my marriage, my wife told me she was jealous of how I treated our own kids, because i made them a priority and my hobbies were them and her. She didn’t want to be a hobby, she wanted to be the priority (still baffles me). Find a babysitter. Take your wife out on dates, maybe even an overnight if you can leave your kids with family. Or make yourselves a priority and leave for a few days somewhere alone and give the other space. Yes it’s tough with 2 kids, we have 3. What’s even more tough is navigating a divorce and wouldn’t wish this on anyone

tyyyy110 · 2026-01-31T11:48:43+00:00

What does move on mean? A Trial separation? Divorce? Does she need some temporary space from explicitly?

Also mate... don't ever put anything past a woman! You didn't see her asking/telling you that she wants to move on and that you're suffocating. So it's not far fetch to think that there could be someone else 🤷🏿.

Longjumping-Cup-4018 · 2026-01-31T06:53:40+00:00

Go to couple counseling. If not then just get a lawyer, follow their advice and prepare for the worst. Her head is totally in different dimensions. Sometimes, what you do is not wrong but just she doesn't like it.

Title	What to do?
Author	MapleBurup
Upvotes	5
Comments	24
Date	January 31, 2026 5:09 AM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1qrtct8/what_to_do/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/what-to-do.1572373 https://theredarchive.com/post/1572373

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