A question on showing interest on dates

RedPillDetox · 2020-10-03T18:13:03+00:00

The point isn't really what works to get a girl to like you or ask you on a date.

Instead of asking yourself what you can do to impress a girl or land dates, ask yourself "am i enjoying this date? Do i like this girl? Do i want to go through the trouble of putting a some sort of stoic front just to get a girl to like me?". Then you can connect with people you truly like and who are compatible with you and screen dumb bitches who expect you to be "stoic".

To answer your question, playing hard to get tends to work, is yet another one of those common sense tricks in dating that everybody knows about. So if you want to play hard to get do. Personally, i don't give a shit about what women want. I just do whatever i want in a date. Of course that everybod always tries to "sell" themselves and influence others they want to date and playing hard to get is normal. But all these games and pretenses and frame, past a certain point, are tiring. So fuck it lol.

If you think about it, it's lack of self-respect to chase someone who plays hard to get lol. Why would one want to be with someone that doesnt want to be with him/her?

xvszero · 2020-10-03T22:57:43+00:00

What? This is the complete opposite of my experience. Making a real connection on interests is the only thing that ever got me more dates. Where are you meeting these women?

Whatever the case, faking anything is almost always a bad idea. Not just in dating, but in all aspects of life.

Hellion_shark · 2020-10-03T23:27:08+00:00

Being indifferent works with the insecurity may people have to a varying degree - of not being interesting, no being given attention, being abandoned. ou may land second dates, but it's not becasue they like YOU, they wanna prove to themselves they can get that second date. That they are not uninteresting, boring, or stupid.

chofferblower · 2020-10-03T18:22:27+00:00

I think there’s a fine balance to find between being perfectly spontaneous and completely holding back everything. The way I see it is that, you have core values, feelings and interests, and it’s mandatory to not conceal those and put on a fake character. But there’s also an interfacing effort to be made for your true self to be appealing and not seem like a push-over or an hystrionic type person.

When I was in freshman, I used to be part of a group with a girl I had a crush on. I was extremely shy and introverted at the time, and didn’t knew how to act around girls. I also happened to really like Gin, the liquor, and by really like, I mean I used to go to fancy bar in the afternoon to try all sorts of different Gins and learn about the subtleties in fragrance, and flavour notes, how each fruits, grains and botanicals interacted with each other, the effect of temperature... You get what I mean. I was a Gin nerd. I actually still am, I always have a bottle I really like on a shelf for when I need to pat myself on the back.

So this girl at some point states that her favourite alcohol is Gin, and that it’s the only thing she drinks at party. Of course the nerdy boy I was jumped at the opportunity. « Oh really ? I love Gin too ! » he said blushing, looking sideways. And that was it. No hook, no follow up, nothing. I felt flat, went back to silence and basically lost any hope of dating her. Of course this is a fairly extreme case of social awkward and lack of soft skills. I could have asked « Oh really, what’s your favorite bottle ? ». Or notice that it was actually a poor opportunity, as she probably was referencing some London Dry she used to get wasted on the cheap, or the probability that I would just appear to be an alcoholic going full on nerdy was too high. Maybe I could have used this information further down the road to have a positive impact at the right moment, like making the best Gin cocktail she’s ever had if she ever came to my place. But as I went, I just blew it by seemingly being « just myself ».

What I do now is mostly not directly talk about me, but rather let the conversation tell who I am. I try to break the ice really fast to get to a subject allowing to express who I am without ever directly talking about me. I do my best to be entertaining and enjoyable, either through jokes and wits or passion and knowledge about the subject. I also do my best to keep my cool and my temper, which allows me to completely let my emotions express themselves. If I feel something, I express it, but I also work on myself to be someone positive and soothing. That’s the way I keep things balanced. And if she gets turned off, that’s her loss, because it is.

distraff · 2020-10-03T22:58:26+00:00

There is this seduction idea called push-pull. You act distant and uninterested (push), and then you act interested in her and engaging (pull). If all you do is push, then you will just offend someone or they will feel you aren't interested. If all you do is pull, then you will see needy, fake and trying to hard.

The balance is to do both push and pull. The problem with this, is that it is manipulative, and it takes skill to do right. Also, a lot of people can see right through it. It also kills real human connection and the joys associated.

The solution is authenticity, self esteem, and decent standards for other people. When you are being real, then you will naturally act uninterested sometimes (push), and naturally act interested sometimes (pull). If you have good self esteem and standards, you won't be overly needy and pulling all the time.

lynn181 · 2020-10-03T23:10:13+00:00

For what it's worth, I am a woman. I am decent looking now, but as a kid I was a chubby dork with glasses and braces. I was deeply, deeply insecure. In my late teens and early 20s I became more conventionally attractive, and I was into the 'hard to get' types because it was...weirdly encouraging to think that I could be that 'one girl to break through to him'. Like it would make me special and validate me. I was used to being ignored by guys so I took the stoicism as a sign that I needed to do something different or better. I clung onto this hope that one day he'd change and show affection. I spent a lot of time and effort on my appearance because I wasn't mature enough to have other priorities. Attention was validation to me.

Now that I'm 29 and have more self confidence, I cringe at my younger behaviour. I was stupid. Embarrassingly so. I had shit self esteem and was used to abuse. Maybe some redpill idiot would have 'gotten' me into bed back then. But when I grew up and grew smarter they'd be SOL.

So...are you looking for a meaningless bang that the girl will look back on with humiliation? Redpill tactics might work. There are lots of emotionally immature young women out there and society makes us feel pretty damn insecure, even more so now when young people look to Instagram fakery and think they need to measure up. Looking for actual relationships? Be a real person.

Now, what attracts me is sincerity. Someone who is unafraid to be honest. Someone with real goals, and someone who is honestly seeking a companion and not just a romp. I want to laugh and have fun. I would be turned off by a stoic, boring douche.

*edit: I also look back on those guys with nothing but contempt.

DissonanceBadger · 2020-10-03T23:02:36+00:00

The funny thing about acting uninterested is that you think you're projecting 0% of interest, but you're not. You're really projecting 70% interest. Why? Because you're on a date with her, that's why. The very fact that you asked her out and organized the date and went on the date tells her that you're interested. If you picked a nice place for a date, like a restaurant, it tells her you're more interested than if you picked something low effort like Starbucks. If you dressed well it means you are more interested than if you were low effort clad. So with all that you've shown her you are interested, and then on the date you acted like you're kinda not interested, and that creates tension, and uncertainty, and that is where fantasies are born from: tension and uncertainty.

Attraction builds within the realm of uncertainty, unfortunately. It's OK to show signs that you like her, as long as the message she will get is "I'm 70% sure he likes me". Don't make it 100%, keep it at around 70%.

Your problem is that acting uninterested is laborious for you. Any behavior that is incongruent with what's going on inside is laborious, so how do you negotiate between that and the reality that there's something about appearing uninterested that works? Be honest about what goes on inside of you, just keep in mind to not overdo it. You do this all the time in other social settings, dating shouldn't be any different.

BabeOfBlasphemy · 2020-10-03T22:35:40+00:00

In order to get your life long career you have to go to school and train for years. Dating to find your life partner will take years of work, just like building a career. You wouldn't try to impress any potential employer, instead - you try to find the employer that will offer you the best benefits, wages, opportunity to grow and experience - you will sometimes debate about if you are willing to accept less benefits for more flexibility, etc.

I approach dating no different - I don't bother to impress any potential, instead I first am concerned about what is a good fit, and only if that person offers the things I want, do I bother investing energy in trying to land the opportunity, and i need proof of mutual interest, i wouldnt stalk any employer, id only go to an interview if they called lol

conr716 · 2020-10-04T01:47:03+00:00

For me stoicism actually worked out well, but it has its fair share of criticism.

Most people think of stoicism as being bland, or boring. And I believe that's just the surface of it.

For me stoicism helped me cope with my emotions and control them. I built emotional strength over time and was able to hold it together when times got rough. It taught me that my emotions are completely valid, but I shouldn't act on them, instead it taught me to be rational, it taught me that the only thing I should give emotional thought to are the ones who matter.

When I'm on a date I give a little bit of both, I'm testing the waters on who this girl is and how the connection is, but I still put in effort towards the date. I now know my worth and my worth isnt worth people who play hard to get, or play mind games.

If theres a connection, then a connection is there. If I feel like I would have to put in more work just for someone to meet me in the middle, then there is no connection.

Stoicism in a way taught me to be authentic, and work on myself in areas I needed. That hard work pays off and there will be obstacles in my way. But I know what I want out of a women, a partner-in crime. A co-pilot if you will.

And if someone doesn't see the whole value in me or doesnt care to then it is their loss.

thepowerelite · 2020-10-05T12:49:08+00:00

Principle of Least Interest: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Principle_of_least_interest

For more insight, consider [site:reddit.com principle of least interest]

Title	A question on showing interest on dates
Author	greenwaffulz
Upvotes	18
Comments	13
Date	October 3, 2020 5:43 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/j4jcgz/a_question_on_showing_interest_on_dates/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/a-question-on-showing-interest-on-dates.304777 https://theredarchive.com/post/304777

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