Curious what this sub thinks about "cold approaching"

2021-05-30T14:39:02+00:00

As with almost everything, what works for one, won't work for another. If you're going to do it, pay attention to her body language. She'll likely tell you with her body before anything else, listen to that. If she wants you out of her zone, respect that.

AbeLincoln30 · 2021-05-30T20:10:33+00:00

If you only approach strangers when they're the opposite sex and you're trying to get laid, that's creepy.

If you're comfortable approaching strangers of either sex when you have something genuine to say, that's the opposite of creepy -- that's cool. And a pleasant side benefit is that now and then it will lead to you getting laid.

bruhcrossing · 2021-05-30T18:01:39+00:00

I think context is really important. I don’t think it’s good idea to cold approach at a grocery store or gym, for example. MAYBE if you can make a connection, like you love the band on the T-shirt she’s wearing, but don’t force it. She ain’t there for dudes.

zoemondo · 2021-05-30T16:05:08+00:00

I've turned down every single guy (not loads but a handful) who cold-approached me. Why? I don't fucking know them.

Lovecraftian_Daddy · 2021-05-30T15:28:32+00:00

If you want to understand women, read true crime.

There are a million horror stories that start with a woman giving a guy a chance on a cold approach. The risk vs. reward is ridiculously lopsided for women, while the risks are far lower and the rewards much higher for men.

If you want to approach a woman, join a community based around a hobby you like (or can tolerate) and hang around there for a few months and form some light friendships so there's at least some kind of a vetting process and some assurance that you're not a serial killer.

A lot of guys want to find a relationship while having zero friends, and that is emphatically not how it works. Be social, have friends, have people who can vouch for you, let the relationship be a side effect of living an already-full life.

RedPillDetox · 2021-05-30T15:59:36+00:00

I've approached over a thousand women in my PUA days. I don't think it's creepy nor bad per se. But you need to have a very specific type of personality to gather the courage and motivation for that. You really need to be comfortable with a lot of rejection, sometimes very harsh. There will be times a whole bar is going to laugh at you, and you should be okay with it. If you got balls to escalte for kissing, etc, you don't socialize like too much like a weirdo and can create a good first impression (mostly by being attractive) you can definitly date many women that way. Particularly if you hang around the sexually liberal venues...

Toodleshoney · 2021-05-30T21:58:41+00:00

If four out of five women don't like being approached by strange men, would you do it? What if nine out of ten don't like it? They say it's a numbers game, without ever considering the number of women who felt uncomfortable, upset, scared, or objectified. Keep that in mind.

Don't cold approach. Instead, aim for an invitation to approach. Eye contact that is welcomed (don't continue to stare if they don't welcome it.)

PlayfulLawyer · 2021-06-02T00:14:09+00:00

It definitely works better if you're really attractive, but for the averageish guy. Wouldn't recommend it

Dahks · 2021-05-31T09:33:07+00:00

It's simple: when in doubt, ask for consent.

You're not sure if a woman wants to talk with you? Ask.

You're not sure if a woman wants to kiss you? Ask.

You're not sure if a woman wants to have sex with you? Ask.

RPs, PUAs and the like will tell you that you shouldn't ask, you have to affirm stuff, because that projects masculinity yadayada. The thing is that if you ask, they'll tell you "no" sometimes and it sucks. They'll also tell you that asking consent is "unnatural" or whatever made up scenario such us "I should have them sign a paper? lol that kills human interaction!"

Those are lies. As with any conversation, it all comes down to your confidence and the way you say it. Asking for consent is also a nice, non intrusive way of showing desire to women and that you're comfortable receiving a "no". Being able to accept rejection is sexy! Or something.

Here's a guess: something that people from RP and people from this sub have in common (and almost any men in the world...) are problems expressing and showing emotions, including sexual or emotional desire. This is why RP capitalizes on that, because it shows men a way of expressing themselves that is intrusive, aggressive and non-consensual. If our response to that is "I won't speak to women because everything I say we'll be perceived as an agression" we'll be in risk of entering into incel territory or maybe MGTOW. That's the other side of the coin of dehumanising women, were we idealise them and think that their feelings are more important than ours. They're not but, simply, expressing your feelings mustn't come at the cost of harming other people.

lynn181 · 2021-06-02T21:17:47+00:00

As a woman, women aren't robots. They're humans. Would some women like it? Maybe, idk. Would I? No.

Generally speaking, approaching someone with ulterior motives and a script in mind automatically puts up alarm bells. Have you ever been approached by a salesperson or an MLM hawker and just immediately known the interaction was fake as fuck? Most people can tell when you're trying to force a connection or conversation without any particular interest beyond your own agenda. And women are also generally used to it, especially if they're in any way attractive. Whether accurate or not a lot of us have been given the speech about how 'men only want one thing'. Not that all or most women believe that but it's a common social 'trope' you could say.

But again, it depends. Some people may be dumb or blind to it. Others may even be flattered. Other times it's possible that the woman has the same agenda. Or that she may have been trying to attract attention herself. Or that she might see something about you. Women are people and there are billions of us.

unlivedbread · 2021-06-05T21:30:24+00:00

I think it's one of the best ways to build confidence as a man. Just make sure you're being genuine and honest. Also if you aren't a handsome man, invest into your appearance before you start

JoaoRuivoIII · 2021-06-08T16:36:32+00:00

Well, I don't think that starting a conversation with someone while waiting in line can be classified as "cold approaching"...

Anyway, as far real cold approaching is concerned (i.e. finding a complete stranger sexually attractive and beginning a conversation – in person, not online – with the person out of nowhere with the sole interest of entering his/her genital territory later on), I've never ever cold approached a woman in my life, not even during my "red pill days" (and would be constantly encouraged to do so). I think it's pointless, even almost creepy.

However, I must confess that, I *love* when the opposite happens, and I'm the one getting cold approached by women. #OnTheIrony

Tostitos153 · 2021-07-03T08:02:41+00:00

Aye man good for you for having the courage to move things forward with that woman. What I will say is this. Practice socializing casually with, not just beautiful women, but EVERYONE. The old cashier guy at CVS, the lady in the wheelchair waiting for her bus, the group of jocks at the mall, the beautiful lady shopping for veggies at the super market. At the end of the day, these girls you want to cold approach are just people, like everyone else. Once you're confident in yourself to create conversation effortlessly, it will make it much easier for you to manifest a connection with the women you want to pursue. I know exactly how you feel when you said "it fucking worked". Like hell it did man! You're not creepy nor weird for socializing. The point of the interaction is to simply socialize, no expectations for anything after. Just a cool interaction, and perhaps even getting to know someone on a deeper level. Over the years of engaging with random people I've made great friends and cool ass experiences. It's very fun to meet new people from everywhere.

So in summary, just continue to have casual conversation with everyone wherever you go. This will allow you to become comfortable in your own skin which will manifest confidence, which is attractive to the senoritas.

One more nugget, it works like a charm when you want to engage someone in conversation... Ask them how their day is going. No, like be genuine and actually be curious as to how their day is going. You would be surprised how people will actually open up to you.

Saimdusan · 2021-11-23T00:40:32+00:00

If you've already gotten a first date out of doing it once, you're probably socially calibrated enough to not be weird/creepy about it. I'd say go for it; why would you avoid something that works for you because someone on the internet who doesn't know you thinks it's bad?

I think working on your social skills is a very noble pursuit. Given that, I think making a general project of interacting with strangers more over a period of several months could be a good way to go about it. Personally I find the mindset of "this person intrigues me for whatever reason and I'd like to see how the interaction goes/if we have chemistry" is better than "I'm actively trying to get this girl's number", but your mileage may vary depending on your personality type (it's also important to own your sexuality so it can be bad to lean so far into this kind of mindset that you feel like you're being disingenuous). The latter mindset is a bit too intimidating and makes you less likely to actually approach, and is probably more likely to make you appear needy or weird and set off alarm bells in the girl's head.

The people who are telling you not to are probably thinking of all the horror stories of women getting harassed or assaulted, but if they actually saw your approach they would be fine with it because if you're doing it in a respectful way it'd be clear that you're not harassing anyone. The fact is that you not approaching isn't going to make harassers stop harassing women, so you're not doing anyone any favours by following this sort of advice. Also keep in mind that people who talk about dating on reddit are a very small subset of the general population, and so I wouldn't take the opinions of women here as gospel. I'd say it's a good idea to get off the internet (and that goes for both PUA content and female dating advice on reddit) and prioritise interacting with people in the real world, and approaching strangers is a good way to do that. I'd sooner listen to your sister than random redditers, honestly.

As with any interaction, of course be ready to back off if the girl isn't receptive. But completely avoiding approaching isn't the answer either.

Title	Curious what this sub thinks about "cold approaching"
Author	Hardened_Hooligan
Upvotes	14
Comments	26
Date	May 30, 2021 1:26 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/nob6pe/curious_what_this_sub_thinks_about_cold/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/curious-what-this-sub-thinks-about-cold.774291 https://theredarchive.com/post/774291

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