To most of the world, I am pretty much a femboy, I'm clean shaven, I have very long hair, long eyelashes, full lips, an androgynous face, and I really kind of own it. The only halfway masculine features I actually have is broad shoulders, my general build, and a pretty well-sculpted "Chad"-like face. I'm 6ft tall, have a fairly masculine personality, and a slightly sorta-kinda deep voice? I don't know. But I've never seen myself as anything but feminine despite all these things and it really fucks with my self-esteem to think about how much a lot of people I see day-in day-out practically worshipping masculinity in our culture, not even just masculine guys but also masculine women.

I think especially nowadays society's Chad worship has gotten way out of hand: most guys are always trying to look as rugged as possible, growing beards and whatnot and even most women seem to be becoming way more masculine in both appearance and personality. I assume this is because they favor masculinity so much that they all want to be that way. It makes me feel bad about myself because it makes me feel more and more like I'm not anybody's cup of tea in the slightest. I feel all alone. I'm like the only femboy I've ever seen in real life and it sucks. And I have never seen a femboy in a straight relationship--the only people I've ever seen commenting in femboy subs are gay guys (which I'm not personally into).

I just have always personally found femininity to be a lot cooler than masculinity. I don't know why but it feels like I'm in this extreme minority in a world where everybody seems to aspire to be the hard, tough, grizzly war veteran who can take down a bear with his bare hands and lost an eye or something. Meanwhile, I've always highly valued the "cool girl" and always wanted to be the cool big sis, and I way prefer to see women who are beautiful, feminine, AND badass while still being girly and caring about their appearance. I think (well-written) anime girls, for example, who are strong female characters and wield swords, glare their enemies in the eye while spouting cool one-liners yet still somehow find time to grow their hair out, take care of it and look gorgeous and badass at the same time are so, so much cooler than some alcoholic, bearded guy with a bunch of scars from the war who could wrastle a bear.

American society seems to praise the latter a whole lot more, though. Not only that, but as I said before, even women seem to be moving much more towards wanting to be more masculine themselves. It makes me feel so bad about myself because at this point, it's like it couldn't be any clearer that a majority of the population values this archetype that I just do not fit into and never, ever will fit into (or want to fit into) as long as I live.

Posts like the one pictured here https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/696342409650634844/1117430467285749801/IMG_0733.jpg make me EXTREMELY uncomfortable because it showcases the ever-popular, timeless anecdote of women preferring dominant men/partners who can dominate them in bed. The thing is, it makes me very uncomfortable because I know that I am the farthest thing from dominant/masculine-looking, and I believe that women who are searching for a partner who will choke them, slap them, slam them, pick them up, throw them around, etc. in bed will logically be looking for a man who looks big/strong/burly/manly/bearded who can dominate them in bed. And when they see me, they are instantly turned off because they think a guy who looks feminine and "sissy" should be the one being dominated, or worst case they assume I'm gay and automatically do not pursue me because of that incorrect assumption.

Even a ton of drawn gay porn I've seen in the past (I've had female friends on the internet) had the long-haired, more feminine-looking man being dominated, and never the other way around. It's like everybody I meet will always have this preconceived notion of me being inadequate, not being willing or able of meeting their expectations, worthy of satisfying their kinks, etc.

Thing is, I like to think I actually would be perfectly willing and able to dominate, slap/choke/whatever someone in bed if they really wanted me to (only with consent, ofc). So not only are their assumptions about me completely untrue but I feel like I'm always being dismissed on sight because of this weird assumption that feminine, beautiful-looking men can't be dominant or satisfy anyone's urges unless the women are into bdsm (and personally, I am not into dominatrix and do not particularly want to be dominated either, I generally don't think I'm a very submissive person at all).

This even extends toward friendships and acquaintances. I feel like people in general don't respect me simply because I'm not "hot" (read: extremely gruff, rugged, tattooed, bearded, etc.). Even bi women like my sister regularly make dom-worshipping comments like "I'd let her curbstomp me" and seem to favor women who look more masculine in appearance (like the ones who are more ripped, for example). Even the term "Chad" has become a mainstream meme outside of incel spaces, and people regularly compliment others by calling them a chad whenever they do or say something cool, indicating that only manly, masculine men can do cool and badass things. Why can't Chad ever be depicted as an androgynous/cool-looking femboy, at the very least?

These observations have been eating away at me for the past year or so... I feel very insecure all the time because I just feel so alone in not being as "cool" or "hot" as everyone wants in the way that everyone wants, which is masculine and dominant.

On the bright side, I think I look amazing and beautiful. I think I look hot and sexy as fuck. I just wish other people did. I wish most of the population would open up their mind and give non-dominant-looking guys like me a chance instead of just assuming we're all sissy and uncool subs who are lame and like being topped.

I can't help but think this is all people think whenever they see me. I feel like I can't be taken seriously or be popular among any group of people anymore because of my insecurities about this. How can I convince myself that everybody isn't that shallow and not let these delusions affect me so much?