How do I stop the self hatred

PutsWomenOnPedestal · 2026-07-07T17:18:36+00:00

I feel the same on most days. As a non-white male I know I cannot compete on looks in a world ruled by Euro-centric beauty standards. So how to cope? One way is to think of our physical appearance like the same way we would see a player character in a video game i.e. it is simply a reference for interacting with the world and not our identity.

Alseebee · 2026-07-08T01:05:24+00:00

Hey there bud, you’re on the right path and have done and are still doing great ok?

I am a woman and what you do is very important and much appreciated. What you feel must be the remains of rp. It makes people lonely and angry. It’s perfectly normal to feel a bit lonely and resentful, it’s a lot to go through.

This will pass, you have to re build yourself and meet healthy people now. You’re far from alone in this situation and you’ve done the hardest part. From now on it will be growth and self-confidence. You’re experiencing the last difficult moment before it gets better.

I didn’t go through the same thing but I also had a big change around my early twenties and at first it was depressing. But it gave me a reason to fight for and the right people keep on giving me the hope and confidence I need.

Congrats on what you’ve achieved, look at it. You’ll be just fine I know it. 🌻

Instigated- · 2026-07-07T05:18:43+00:00

Start filling your mind with good thoughts.

Learn about happiness and well-being and start doing the things that will make you feel better. https://online.yale.edu/courses/science-well-being The Science of Well-Being | Yale Online

Watch documentaries or read popular psychology self help books about how the mind works, happiness, self esteem.

Be kinder to yourself, be a friend to yourself (you wouldn’t say these nasty things to a friend, would you?). What advice would you give a friend in the same position?

Write a list of your strengths and good points, it might feel hard however if you are kind to yourself and dig deep you can do it. Remind yourself of this regularly. Especially if the negative voice starts.

Do things that will make you feel good. Helping others can be effective. Volunteer.

Take it one step at a time.

Jthemovienerd · 2026-07-07T15:37:47+00:00

I'm glad you are working your way out. Read more books. Unlike watching movies or videos, your mind gets much more engaged when you read. On your days off, take short day trips to places around you. I also grew up in a small town, if you can make a plan, move to a bigger city. It really does help change your view on people. Just keep moving forward , never move backward

Dizzy-Structure4498 · 2026-07-10T17:37:11+00:00

The red pill community gave you a way of thinking, a sense of purpose and meaning, and a community of like minded people.

This is a natural thing that basically everyone looks for which is why the red pill dogma attracts so many people. You’ve taken the first steps to deprogram yourself and that is huge! The next step is to figure out who you actually are, what you actually want, and what will actually make you happy.

This is not unlike the experience of ex-religious people or ex-cult people. You are doing the extremely difficult work that a lot of people don’t do because it’s very hard and takes a lot of time and energy. It’s also slow and deeply personal.

You’re not on the other side yet. You’ve deprogrammed yourself from red pill, but now you need to figure out where you want to go next and who you want to be.

MonkeyFan365 · 2026-07-07T16:26:23+00:00

Hi! As a a woman who used to go to University in Miami and went on some of these red pill podcasts as a guest feel like I can help you out :).

I’ve learned a lot in my time there. They provide a lot of facts about evolutionary strategies, however we are not primal beings. We are way more evolved than that and consider deeper stuff such as emotional intelligence, consideration, kindness etc. So let me give you a more logical approach.

I agree with what the red pill guys say in regards to how men better themselves (which you can adapt):

- Go to the gym and increase your fitness (lose body fat and gain muscle) because from an evolutionary standpoint, humans are more attracted to those who look more fit and it suggests health for reproductive purposes.
- Increase your finances, it doesn’t necessarily mean you need to be in the top 1% of riches, you just need enough that you’re able to take care of yourself and be able to have fun and live life. If you can take care of yourself then you can take care of the people you love too.
- From an evolutionary aspect, those who are deemed “ugly” are those who don’t take care of themselves (hair not done, out of shape, bad hygiene, acne, bad teeth etc). Likely you aren’t realty ugly. You can definitely be a good looking man if you find ways to increase your health if you make your skin, teeth, hair and body healthier through gym, using a different soap, maybe braces, or a new hairstyle!

Where I disagree with red pill:

- Women do not prefer men with multiple women: Yes, there’s competitive nature in both sexes. Yes, it’s true that a woman will feel threatened and want to compete more if there’s another girl in the race, but if a man has multiple women it shows that all his time, attention, and recourses will not be to one woman alone, and all women want to be first and only priority, why would a hypergamous woman want to share resources?
- Women prefer men who treat them badly: Just simply not true. I could say the same that men like girls who only want them for their money and doesn’t care about them, because the girls are getting more benefits and love than those who who only want to love a man for being him. It’s just life, people chase the wrong things and get burned until they realize their wrongs.
- Women are not “more emotional therefore less logical”: Do I think women are more emotional? Yes. Society allows us to. Do I think that means we are less logical than men? No. Women on average outsmart men in almost every subject across the board, we also have higher emotional intelligence. Women also have a larger frontal cerebral cortex than men (aka the “logical” part of the brain).

So to make a long story short. You are actually more desirable than you think, here’s how you can measure it tangibly and where you can improve:

- Gym
- Increase Finances
- Listen to women and consider their feelings
- Confidence is KEY for attracting women, if you don’t believe women will want you, it will show trust me
- Women like men with Social points, if you can adapt in society and talk to people easily then you will be more desirable. I know you say the city is quiet, but maybe go to a social event like a party and see who you can attract. Girls will like you if you can dance and have a good time. Happy people attract happy people.
- Find a community and have a group of friends, if you are a loner the girls will think there’s a reason for that (that maybe you’re unlikeable) I know you said the city is small and it’s hard, but start off at a bar and see who you meet there!

I hope this can help. Good luck :) there’s a lucky girl out there that will heal every propoganda you’ve ever learned about women and love and sexual strategies.

Ok_Organization5596 · 2026-07-08T08:29:36+00:00

Instead of focusing on hate, focus on service.
There’s no time to think about what you think are your faults when you’re busy thinking about ways to make the world beautiful (plant a garden, volunteer somewhere, do something nice for someone for eg comfort a stranger on reddit), doesnt matter what you do, just make sure you lead with love.
Even just thinking about doing good will lift your self esteem and improve your mental well being.
Hate is hurting you. Love will heal you.

Key-Equipment-2155 · 2026-07-10T07:24:31+00:00

Be present for your loved ones. Male and females.

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Title	How do I stop the self hatred
Author	MonkeyFan365
Upvotes	8
Comments	40
Date	July 7, 2026 3:59 AM UTC (2 weeks ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/1upjzgn/how_do_i_stop_the_self_hatred/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/how-do-i-stop-the-self-hatred.1584433 https://theredarchive.com/post/1584433

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