~ archived since 2018 ~

I’m struggling on dating apps

February 3, 2022

I’m a 19M looking to find a girl that has amazing character and charisma and funny and nice looking. I live in souther Alberta Canada and finding a woman that wants something serious is very troubling through these apps.

I’m posting this on ex redpill because I’m constantly tapping into that red pill mindset sometimes where I think it’s them not me. I’ve been told I’m very attractive and have a great sense of humour from my exes. I work out every other day and I have a great job. It’s difficult seeing women I tried talking to on these apps and then seeing them months later with a really ugly guy that has no job or values. It makes me mildly upset that I’m still waiting to find someone that will value my hobbies and personality, but a lot of the women I meet on these dating apps just drink and pretty on their free time. I don’t know if it’s because I’m in shithole Alberta, but it’s very difficult trying to find a very nice girl with strong morals and values.

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Post Information
Title I’m struggling on dating apps
Author electronicfusionz
Upvotes 0
Comments 29
Date February 3, 2022 2:53 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit /r/ExRedPill
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/im-struggling-on-dating-apps.1100053
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/sj7x11/im_struggling_on_dating_apps/
Red Pill terms in post

[–]julianbeing 6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

You are 19. The only advice I can give to you is to relax. Dating apps are not ideal to find a long-term partner anyways. There are success stories of course but you can't expect that. It's like buying a lottery ticket and getting mad that you didn't win.

However, if you keep using them for years and you start becoming good at screening superficial women out. Then you will eventually find someone, either through apps or real life.

Also, the older you get, the easier it becomes to attract women. When I was 19 I didn't have much going on for myself.

The bottom line - be patient.

[–]electronicfusionz[S] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I just feel like I’m falling behind because a lot of my friends have long term relationships from high school and they have been together for years, I don’t want to date because of that. But I’m actually looking for love and long term commitment because I’m ready and I’m ready to share my world with someone.

[–]julianbeing 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Good that you are ready. Stay ready. You can't force it. Being too keen will lead to clouded decision making. Do you know how many of my friends are still together with the girl they dated when they were 19?

You guessed it. 0. Not a single one of them. You are not falling behind. Try to focus on yourself, your passion, your career instead of comparing yourself to other people. One day you will meet a woman that you like and then you can share your world with her. It might be tomorrow, it might be when you are 25. It's all okay.

[–]UnitedIntroduction48 6 points7 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

You should be getting your profile reviewed in the bumble and hinge subs. No one here is gonna help you

[–]electronicfusionz[S] 1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

I’m not asking for a profile review

[–]UnitedIntroduction48 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You‘re asking for a reason why your not getting matches and I’m telling you that your profile isn’t good enough. Your doing mental masturbation about red pill blue stuff amd scurting around the issue.

You don’t want peoples advice here anyways, look at my comment history in here and tell me these are the kinds of people that you want help from.

[–]Dark__Horse 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

But that might be what you need

Guys are notoriously bad at knowing what women find attractive. You said you're having difficulty finding matches with dating apps, that's the most common issue.

Have good pictures with proper lighting, have a profile that goes in depth about who you are, mostly put in effort. Have someone else (preferably women whose opinions on men you trust) to make sure you're not accidentally sending the wrong signals. Ask your exes what attracted them to you, if there's anything you could do to improve, and what other advice they have.

[–]electronicfusionz[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I appreciate the honesty but asking my exes for feedback is a shitty idea. Girls at my age block you for breaking up with them anyways and one cheated on me as well. I’m not asking someone who fucked up my relationships for advice.

[–]Dark__Horse 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I'm sorry you had that experience

I'm still friendly with my exes; we broke up because we weren't romantically compatible, not because we didn't like each other, but I realize not everyone has that experience

Still, you should ask female friends why you aren't having success with your dating profile if you want to continue using them

[–]electronicfusionz[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Thank you, it’s ok. I have a few female friends, but most of them don’t understand dating apps because they don’t use them. (They are pretty nerdy girls, and haven’t dated anyone before) They just give me the usual advice like be yourself and express what you want be funny, which I have. But in Alberta you’re either picking between a woman with multiple tattoos or a trump supporter that is overweight and wants a cowboy boyfriend. I’m exaggerating a little bit here but that’s what the dating apps have showcased for my feed

[–]Dark__Horse 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I would still think their advice would be valuable; maybe they can provide some insight you may have overlooked

Also no judgment, everyone likes what they like, but what's wrong with tattoos? Do you have a religious proscription against them? You may be artificially limiting your dating pool that way

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

If you see them later with a really ugly guy then that itself disproves the red pill doesn’t it?

Anyways just looksmax, take professional photos and make sure they’re good photos that aren’t too douchey or too soy looking and have a bio that is authentic but also not too weird or needy while not pushing away the largest number of people (don’t mention politics, religion, preferences, etc.) (even if a girl is not fat if you’re like “no fat bitches” she’ll probably swipe left for example)

[–]Lauren_Aa 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I don't think it's a matter or gender here. It happens on both sides. I'm in an app where you can make friends or find your soulmate and most men there don't have values and just care about weed/drinking or sex. I think it depends on where you live. As a Christian girl, I only find men and women with morals at church. That's all I can tell you.

[–]electronicfusionz[S] -1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

High valued women are more religious because they have parents who care about them. I was thinking of dating a woman who is more religious because they seem to live a life that’s more focused on themselves

[–]Lauren_Aa 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Maybe just go to church then? If you're trying to find women with values, that's the best place. But also, you have to remember that the Bible says that Christians shouldn't mix with non-Christians, so it could happen that they reject you for not being Christian. As it would be my case.

[–]electronicfusionz[S] -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I’m not that religious, I’m fairly moderate in tens of religion. I like to learn about history, but I don’t really have a stance on it. I’ve talked to a Mormon girl on a date once but she was my age and she said she wanted to have multiple kids and get married within 2 years. I wasn’t ready for that yet, but I admired her sense of commitment and honesty, and that’s something I can’t find with any other girl.

[–]Lauren_Aa -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

If you're gonna be with a Christian woman, you have to be Christian (a truly Christian, not moderate). The Bible is very clear on that. But it's thanks to having Jesus in their hearts and obeying His commandments that Christian women are the most loyal/moral ones. Just telling you this since you're looking for decent women.

[–]Greenwithenv 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Is there a way to get into contact with many people without dating apps where you live? For as many admitedly nice and fluffy stories about couples finding themselves from online dating apps, plenty got none but just headache from it.

Is there a way you can save up for future holidays or something? Staying in hostels and stuffs instead of hotels. I know, I know, Covid. But we will always have Covid and we have to look forward to the future too.

You are just 19 and I feel that you will have so much regrets if you only look at online dating apps for the source to meet people. You should see the world and interact with different people when you are still this young and not rotting in a place, scrolling dating apps.

[–]electronicfusionz[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Literally the only places I could go is my university, which has limited amounts of people. And the people that go there do not want to be bothered because they have earphones in with their masks on. Same with work and gyms. No one wants to be talked to or have a conversation. I ran into a few pet stores and saw some nice girls my age there, maybe that could work

[–]electronicfusionz[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

It sucks that Canada is hyper facism with their measures and shit. No one is relaxed and bars are closed to a certain time, same with alcohol serving

[–]Newbie1955 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

If you want casual hookups, use dating apps. If you want a legitimate relationship, delete all the apps and go out into the world to meet women. Looking for love on apps is like looking for a deep, philosophical conversation on Twitter. The platform simply isn't set up for it.

[–]jejuned 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

i don't think it can be over said how the model of tinder especially is set up to keep people on there forever. there is a financial incentive for you to be unsuccessful, because then maybe you'll shell out for tinder gold, and once you're a paying customer, they also definitely want to keep you.

being aware of how gross and predatory dating apps can be can at least be helpful as far as reframing things goes

[–]electronicfusionz[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link


[–]FastMoneyRecords 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You’re 19 kid, you’ve got a long way to go. I can understand the want for love, but at your age you can afford to make it less of a priority. My advice would be to have your fun and let love happen organically. If you’re looking too hard you might settle or mistake lust for love and end up in a situation that doesn’t work out; you’ll find yourself in the same boat again.

Try to stick with social gatherings, grocery stores, or any settings that involve a mutual interest if you’re looking for something more serious. Otherwise dating apps are good for flings, with a possibility of finding “the one”

[–]lillianraine777 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Maybe look outside of Alberta? You're 19, you're really young, keep learning and growing as a person. Maybe you could go to places where you would have the same interests? lol, coffee shop, bookstore, grocery store, lol, or events around Alberta? Also, I am a woman and I could look at your profile and give you insight if you need it on your profile if you need it.

[–]vcreativ -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’ve been told I’m very attractive and have a great sense of humour from my exes.

Considering there's more than one, how come they left?

I think it’s them not me.

It might be them, but it could also be your selection bias picking people ultimately supporting your view.

It’s difficult seeing women I tried talking to on these apps and then seeing them months later with a really ugly guy that has no job or values.

Not everyone will be into you. But some people also have issues, not everyone is healthy especially on dating apps.

It makes me mildly upset that I’m still waiting to find someone that will value my hobbies and personality

Don't be. If you find one in your lifetime for whom that's genuinely true, and you too value them, appreciate them, and fancy them. Then you've been quite lucky I'd say. You're at 19, I think it's ok to chill.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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