"Nice guy" misunderstanding....?

tiposk · 2021-01-20T19:22:04+00:00

Niceness is very often a scapegoat for other less acceptable behavior. Many men who get constantly rejected show nasty behaviors or have unhealthy tendencies they don't want to admit. Blaming rejection on niceness prevents them from taking responsibility for their own acts.

SnooMachines7712 · 2021-01-20T19:58:48+00:00

Nice may not be useful when it comes to overcoming rejection but it's still valuable socially among the masses.

AmericanPot · 2021-01-20T21:25:25+00:00

When I think of the "nice guy" meme, its someone who does nice things for a girl and expects some form of romantic compensation. If you're always there for a girl or doing nice things for her with the expectation of a romantic relationship, that's being a "nice guy". I don't think it's completely manipulative, I think there are men who genuinely wonder why a girl isn't interested in them even though they do so much for them because they believe feelings are transactional when it's usually more than that.

Exis007 · 2021-01-20T19:51:47+00:00

It's just language games. I still reference men as being nice in a sincere way, but I don't use that word because that word is empty. What does it even mean? I'd say someone was a kind man, a polite man, friendly, pleasant, easy-going, decent. There are plenty of ways to say someone is warm, kind, and nice to be around so I don't really need the vacuous word of "nice" to do it. The only time I describe someone as nice is when I mean it 1) as an insult ala /r/niceguys or 2) as a space to fill a lack. She was nice enough when I met her, he was nice to say thanks for the cake, it was nice to see you. It's a bottom barrel compliment, the lowest possible effort. So I honestly think it is okay for nice to have that double-meaning because we do not lack for other, better ways to say someone is a genuinely good human.

Inareskai · 2021-01-20T22:08:59+00:00

My friends and I used to say 'Pleasant sort of fellow' when we meant someone was genuinely nice, so as not to confuse the language. These days we usually say a guy is 'really decent' when we mean they're genuinely just nice people.

If someone who wasn't in my friendship group told me that they new a nice guy, without any tone of voice or way of indicating that the person they were talking about wasn't actually nice. Then I would assume they meant the person was actually just nice.

It's not like the word 'nice' to describe someone has been completely ruined - I know plenty of nice men. It's only when someone say's like 'Oh yeah, he's a really nice guy' with some sort of tonal shift or emphasis that says 'no, they're not really' that it would be an issue. I assume people are genuinely nice, it's only when they use that niceness as some sort of currency to get what they want that they get the label 'Nice Guy' which has it's own meaning and connotations.

Red_Trapezoid · 2021-01-21T00:45:16+00:00

It’s not that people always assume that someone is being “nice” for nefarious reasons but there are two things you should keep in mind.

Firstly, being nice is not impressive. Depending on the circumstances, you don’t even have to be nice to work a lot of jobs where you’d think it would be mandatory. I’ve worked in businesses where the secretary was rude and had the communication skills of a fifth grader. I’ve visited gas stations where the cashier would rush you out so he could go back to chain smoking outside. Nice is the bare minimum for being tolerable and even then sometimes it’s not enough for that. Being nice is definitely not enough on its own to be attractive to someone. Not even close. Why only be nice? People can be mindful, empathetic, driven, funny, loving, responsible, respectful and so many other things.

The second thing to consider is that unfortunately women have very good reason to be cautious and wary of men. Not because men are inherently evil but because of the way so many men have been socialised to behave like utter dog shit. Women can be horrible too but generally men are not afraid of a woman raping or murdering them. Unfortunately this is something that women do often fear. They also fear being sexually harassed, or gaslit, or being stalked or beaten or verbally abused and if you live in a first world country and not some place like Romania or something it’s way better for them but still horrible. It’s not the world we chose but it’s the one we were born into and we can work towards making it better by being a part of feminist and social justice movements but it’s going to take genuine goodness and effort and absolutely zero “nice guyness” of course.

Philipparty · 2021-01-22T10:37:18+00:00

A lot of them are nice. The "bad side" only comes out due to reoeated internal breakdowns.

No More mr.nice guy (its about being nice and real, not nice to get something) talkes a lot about why several nice guys have anger outbursts

defo18 · 2021-01-20T19:43:27+00:00

The problem is Nice Guy has turned into some crazy thing that needs to be analyzed

A lot of guys are just like straight up nice without any crazy ulterior motive or design or plan especially considering that most people have already confirmed that most nice people are nice already but that doesn't mean that nice people aren't allowed to get angry or frustrated also

I've been told I was too nice by a lot of women and even my own abusive ex told me she really wanted to be with me because I was kind to everybody and you know I'm pretty sure that would be the case but I do know that a lot of people do see niceness as weakness but that's usually up to those people

People can look at you and think whatever about you because no matter what you do somebody will dislike you and I hate that nice guy has turned in some type of negative connotation.

I'm pretty sure there are guys who use it as some type of defense but most of the time those guys are probably confused because they've been told b x y and zand then it doesn't work out

on the flip side you see women going for the epitome of toxic masculinity and then you start to wonder how you should act in front of a woman.

JimBeamAndCoke2016 · 2021-01-22T21:04:36+00:00

I consider myself nice, in that I treat people as I would wish to be treated myself.

Unfortunately I've found that all this philosophy does is make both men and women take advantage, say what they like to me, and generally treat me with disrespect. This nature of mine has also resulted in a lack of dating success through my life.

The more I experience, the more I think that treating people with respect has been counter productive for me, and that if I had bad boy traits, my experience would have been far better.

Unfortunately, at this stage of my life, I wouldn't know how to change and adopt these traits.

DemandPsychological · 2021-01-21T02:54:49+00:00

Or maybe there are indeed nice guys. Just a thought...

Title	"Nice guy" misunderstanding....?
Author	NdN124
Upvotes	24
Comments	22
Date	January 20, 2021 6:50 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/l1fmu4/nice_guy_misunderstanding/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/nice-guy-misunderstanding.727795 https://theredarchive.com/post/727795

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