It’s been just over a year since I ended my unhealthy relationship. For a long time after the breakup, I admit, I cried and cried. I thought the tears and the hurt would never end. At the time, I was going to therapy and it helped me realize how terrible my ex was, so even though the breakup was my decision, it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I thought the tears would never end... but over the last year, the grief has transformed to other things. Anger, understanding myself, realizing many more truths, and acceptance of myself, and my mistakes and missteps. Along the way, the pain faded and now I... I don’t miss him. I just feel sad for the person I was and the things I endured with him.

In the meantime, I stayed busy. I finished my PhD. I got a job that paid 40k more than I’d ever earned before, and doing what I truly love. I moved to a new place and got a nice apartment. I adopted a puppy. I chase my passion in the outdoors. I’ve made new friends. And last week I successfully finished a major project.

What I no longer do: someone else’s laundry, cooking, and cleaning. Pay rent when I have a houseguest 10-15 days a month. Get pressured and coerced to do things I’m not comfortable with. Get talked down to despite (because of?) my success. Get constantly hurt because of lack of joy for my success. Put up with boring conversation. Pay more than 50/50. Plan everything. Asked for a threesome and told it would happen despite my hesitation. Get yelled at, talked down to, and gaslit. Be working SO HARD to improve things because of constant disappointment and never getting it right.

I got rid of the anchor that was my last relationship.

I play with my puppy. Enjoy my nice apartment. Cook my favorite meals for myself and have tasty leftovers. Celebrate my own success. Enjoy my life...

Reading about pickme’s.... I was one and I had no idea. It all makes sense now and I’m done with that burdensome, unrewarding, painful lifestyle. I’m single and I feel, finally, that I’m in good company. I’m free.