Advice for raising a HVM?

FraidyCat00 · 2020-04-17T19:01:58+00:00

Do basic housekeeping chores together, all 3 of you.

Make sure dad is messaging that he is doing chores for the house, not to help you. Talk about feelings - watch movies and along with your husband, discuss the characters in depth. Make sure you’re not making this a female vs male perspective.

Talk about how you and the hubby team things, how you support one another. Dad needs to message respecting you and support it by actions. Do the same for your hubby.

Talk about how you and your hubby manage anger and stress. Do this by having dad say ‘I’m starting to feel mad, sad, etc so I’m going to (go for a walk, go outside, etc’.

butmyegopreventsme · 2020-04-17T19:55:27+00:00

Lead by example!

Behave as someone you want your child to emulate - because they will. This is especially true for the hubby! Even when you think they’re not listening/paying attention. Make it a habit. Kids soak up information like a dry sponge. You’d be surprised what they can pick up on.

Avgirl10 · 2020-04-17T21:03:14+00:00

Be consistent. No means no. Don't change the no to a yes after temper tantrums or whining. Don't reward behavior that is expected. Like $$ for good grades. Don't say 'do it or else...' there is no 'or else' no option. Just do.

2020-04-18T03:29:12+00:00

I raised my son early on to be accepting of others- race, religion, LGBTQ, to never look down on anyone who did honest work, that the school janitor was as valuable as the CEO of any company. To never "other" anyone, or make fun of anyone with a handicap or limited ability. To see women in positions that were formerly male dominated- scientists, doctors, politicians, etc. as completely normal. That women were not objects or there for them only, that they were whole beings without man, and the same for him with women. As he got older, it was about consent, what rape is, what respect is. I didn't raise a perfect man, but I sure as hell raised a HVM, and I'd call him out if he fell short of it.

2020-04-18T07:49:43+00:00

Studies show getting little boys at a young age to play with baby dolls increase their empathy!

UpbeatIncubator · 2020-04-17T22:32:36+00:00

If you can, have him socialise with female siblings, cousins or daughters of your friends. It is so important that early on boys do not see girls beyond their mom as 'other'.

capnsven · 2020-04-18T04:27:47+00:00

It won’t come up for quite a while. But like others have said, lead by example. My husband works (and is currently essential because he’s in defense) and I stay home with our 2 boys. We made this decision because of his extensive travel schedule he had when our first was born. He doesn’t travel as much anymore. But he still helps with household chores on weekends and evenings. He isn’t a great cook but he handles dinner at least a couple days a week.

If something needs to be fixed in our house, my kids basically know it falls into one of 3 categories. “Mom fixable”(drywall/electrical/wood- my dad was an electrician/carpenter) “dad fixable”(plumbing/welding/requires brute strength-his dad was a pipe fitter) or “call a pro”(very seldom).

After leading by example- you just have to be honest with them. I had my first conversation about consent when my oldest was about 10. It was simple at that point. I explained that wrestling like you do with your brother or buddies was not okay with girls. I later explained that this isn’t because girls “couldn’t handle it” but because of implications etc.

Also- Planned Parenthood has an excellent website for having the talk. They separate by age and what they can handle at that age.

I never waste an opportunity to explain something further to my boys. I often pause tv shows or movies to explain why an actress is reacting a certain way. Sometimes my husband is even a little shocked when I tell stories.

Don’t lie past the age of understanding. Sometimes that is 8, sometimes it is 12, it depends on your kid. Sometimes they’ll ask something embarrassing they heard on tv. I have had to explain what a blowjob is, what all sorts of euphemisms are. It’s fucking endless.

But don’t stop. Try not to lecture or make any of it sound like school or work. Just work things into conversation whenever it seems like it could fit.

You have been tasked with a responsibility.

AntiCircles · 2020-04-17T21:11:15+00:00

Don't let anyone know the gender of your baby. At least until they are born

I'd also only watch with him shows and movies with female leads. Like ghibli films or Disney princess films. He needs to learn from an early age to identify with women and see them as human. Most cartoons and movies made for boys are chock full of sexist ideas. Avoid these like covid.

Reading with him is also a great idea. I recommend authors like Shannon Hale and Gail Carson Levine.

Never let him get away with not doing chores. Don't do them for him. When he is super young do chores with him, but quickly teach him to do them independently. Same for other skills like cooking.

Never let him learn to interrupt you or other female relationships. Be careful with his internet usage and male relatives.

Remember that the whole world is against you and you need your partner on board with actively helping you accomplish this.

Also you may find r/radfemmothering to be helpful.

Goodluck.

Sewud · 2020-04-18T02:08:26+00:00

I know it's early, but I'm curious what FDS would teach their son about sex. Wait until they marry the girl?

Title	Advice for raising a HVM?
Author	BlueJeanMistress
Upvotes	81
Comments	20
Date	April 17, 2020 6:14 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/g37cci/advice_for_raising_a_hvm/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/advice-for-raising-a-hvm.692655 https://theredarchive.com/post/692655

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