Can someone explain the idealise devalue discard cycle?

Fatt3stAveng3r · 2020-07-31T17:14:58+00:00

Yup, this is really common. It does sound like love bombing. The only thing to do is move on. Recognize the signs. You'll get idiots in the comment sections sometimes saying things like "I said I love you on the first date and we got married!" but they are the exception, not the rule.

princessskittyxoxo · 2020-07-31T17:39:23+00:00

It is lovebombing. Probably said what he felt like he had to say to keep you/have sex with you. Then found another woman or got back with an ex, hence the becoming distant & being a dick. My ex did the exact same thing you described & I believe he was being a prick because he was planning to be on his way out. He immediately got back with his ex & proposed to her. I was with him for 2 months & he did the whole "I love you, I want to marry you, have kids with you" bullshit a couple days in. Eeek.

painmakesyoustronger · 2020-07-31T18:15:57+00:00

Yep, you’re in that familiar rinse cycle.

There are so many great authors on the subject of narcissism. Natasha Adamo is my favorite (check out her blog). HG Tudor is an admitted male narcissist who reveals their tactics. Thrive After Abuse is a great youtube channel (she goes over 52 red flags in different videos)

I’m at a point in my life where the subject of narcissism bores me. I dated them for years, and have figured out all of their tactics. They are pathetic to me now, whereas when they hook you, you think they parted the sea.

My only advice for you is to casually dump him and go no contact. You will destroy him, because they feed off of making you insecure and controlling you with their unpredictability.

Take the win and give him his walking papers.

jjlew922 · 2020-07-31T19:35:00+00:00

Saying you love someone after 3 weeks of dating is projective identification. One does not know the other after such a short amount of time therefore they are love bombing and idealizing the other as ‘self’. It’s common in personality disordered individuals. This is. good lesson, one I’ve learned myself, when a man professes his undying love within weeks, run. Block him. This type of guy could try to keep the doors open for as long as you allow him. The Active Avoider often uses these tactics in the beginning and a great read on this topic is: He’s Scared, She’s Scared by Julia Sokal and Steven Carter.

Parking-Act · 2020-07-31T23:50:59+00:00

You can find tons of info on this in r/narcissiticabuse

What happened to you is text book narc.

The ex demon did the EXACT same to me. He even used the same phrase of "I think we rushed into this" during many discard phases. Yeah, how the fuck did WE rush in when YOU chased me, declared I was your soul mate after only a few weeks and said I was your future wife within a month of knowing me? All I did was naively take the bait and bought into the lies. I ignored red flags that I knew were wrong yet he made me feel dumb or guilty for questioning him and his behavior. So, I fell into the cycle and it became my normal with him. I didn't know any better.

Thankfully, I found my power again and got the fuck out. They will gladly ruin your life if you let them.

He love bombed me and kept me in a cycle of idealize deavalue discard for nearly two years. Until I finally dumped him and left him in the dust.

wootykins · 2020-08-01T02:49:16+00:00

My ex wanted to be exclusive by Week 1, marriage talk around Month 1, then when we broke up Month 4 he seemed like a whole different person.

What helped me determine I was dating a Narcissist: How to Tell If You’re Dating A Narcissist

Some resources that helped me: - “Why Does He Do That?” By Lundy Bancroft - Anything by Shahida Arabi, she has a lot of books and articles about recovering from narcissists - “The Verbally Abusive Relationship” by Patricia Evans

If it helps, narcissistic people are deeply insecure about themselves.

redbirdflies · 2020-07-31T17:35:40+00:00

Melanie Tonia Evans explains it in great detail

Let me know if the link doesn’t work, I can pm it to you

(https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/idolise-devalue-discard-the-3-phases-of-narcissistic-abuse-part-1/)

dntbfllikeidid · 2020-07-31T19:39:23+00:00

I went through a similar situation, but in my case things moved even more quickly. It IS 100% lovebombing and you should cut your losses and GTFO before you waste any more time on that LV manipulative scrote!

marsupialface · 2020-08-01T13:58:17+00:00

As others have said sounds pretty textbook NPD! Sorry you’ve had to deal with the mindfuckery. I like Dr Ramani on YouTube, she goes into details about lovebombing, the discard, how to heal.

Just know you’ve dodged a bullet, people with cluster b personality disorders like npd are way more likely to cheat, be abusive, etc...

Title	Can someone explain the idealise devalue discard cycle?
Author	polishedwood2020
Upvotes	29
Comments	21
Date	July 31, 2020 12:20 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/i16jm7/can_someone_explain_the_idealise_devalue_discard/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/can-someone-explain-the-idealise-devalue-discard.719544 https://theredarchive.com/post/719544

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