Can we spot all the red flags?

biggestsigh · 2020-12-19T23:28:57+00:00

Can you imagine feeling bad because you can't spoil a man? Like what?

biggestsigh · 2020-12-19T23:02:53+00:00

Let's start with she doesn't list her age but she describes herself as a broke college student.

ScrotonimoStilton · 2020-12-20T00:08:49+00:00

What is she doing with this manipulative untruthful idiot. The advice will of course be "you need to communicate more clearly that you're uncomfortable with this situation".

On reddit things that are by logic (and simply empathic common sense) simple get twisted into some sort of alternate reality simulations in which emotions and real life matter zero. Communicating won't change that her partner is a scrote with zero consideration for her.

romantickitty · 2020-12-20T00:10:53+00:00

I got a little lost there at the end. But to me it sounds like this friend isn't actively pursuing him but would 100% happily scoop him up if they divorced regardless of what is supposedly "water under the bridge." It doesn't sound like he wants to cheat but he is compartmentalizing his feelings from his wife and he's also using this other woman, knowing somewhere in his mind that she probably still has feelings for him.

throwmefaraway85 · 2020-12-20T00:24:56+00:00

I always read these, look back at the title, see "husband," and then my heart sinks

She's got a long road ahead of her

poison_snacc · 2020-12-20T01:11:35+00:00

Broke college student, can’t afford to buy much stuff? Girl are you actually married?!

lhcm_ · 2020-12-20T02:18:43+00:00

>even though I'm so sure he didn't cheat on me with her

Maybe not physically but he is actively cheating on you emotionally.

needsmoresilk · 2020-12-20T06:06:08+00:00

He’s cheating on her. Shuts wife down, but has a friendly open relationship with female friend who previously confessed her feelings? Accepts gifts from said friend, despite the strain this would put on the relationship? Restarts the friendship because apparently this friend is a financial expert and is the only person in the world who can help him?

OP didn’t state her age, but she did say she’s a broke college student, so I’m guessing there is an age gap. She’s been gaslit to believe any of the stuff above is ok because the power dynamic skews in his favor.

MadamLeFay · 2020-12-20T00:29:26+00:00

He's cheating.

moonartemis1989 · 2020-12-20T06:24:42+00:00

[deleted]

SamuelaTheThrifty · 2020-12-20T12:27:53+00:00

He rekindled his best female friend after she said she loved him solely to leverage her career contacts after he lost his job? 🚩

2020-12-20T13:12:27+00:00

Emotional affair... No they probably haven't slept together or even touched inappropriately but in my experience this is much, much worse. You can get over a sexual connection but it's much harder to fight an emotional one... Then again, she doesn't have to do it. Let him go and be with this "friend" if he likes her so much. Men like these will never be satisfied with just one person when they can get everything they need from two of them.

She probably slaves away at home/school/work and later is expected to be his therapist/mommy. Meanwhile he's spending all his emotional energy on his "friend" and when he comes back home he has nothing left for his poor girlfriend, leading to all this pain and disappointment and just resentment.

It's painful to read this as I was just in a similar situation. Yet I was the bad guy - I drove him into the arms of his "friend" because I didn't talk to him enough or want to spend time with him enough or want to play videogames like his "friend" did or indulge his every whim like his "friend" did. I actually told him off on his bs, which he would later complain to his "friend" about for validation, which she gave him of course (not only because she's a desperate fuckwit but because he would never tell her the whole story and just cherry pick). Little by little, he started to lose his respect for me and see me as nothing but an obstacle to being happy. Why didn't he get together with her right away then, if I made him so unhappy? If he loved her so much he wouldn't have stayed so long... Just saying.

We shouldn't have to compete with anyone for our boyfriend/husband's attention. And we don't. If he wants to give it to us, he will. Otherwise you're just begging for scraps. Never beg. Let the other girl deal with his shit as well as his good side. You'll see how quickly it gets old for the both of them now that there's no girlfriend/wife to pin their issues on.

biggestsigh · 2020-12-20T19:58:22+00:00

[deleted]

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Title	Can we spot all the red flags?
Author	biggestsigh
Upvotes	96
Comments	24
Date	December 19, 2020 11:02 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/kgic2c/can_we_spot_all_the_red_flags/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/can-we-spot-all-the-red-flags.454920 https://theredarchive.com/post/454920

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