"CoMmUnIcAtIoN"

Sage_Planter · 2021-07-19T15:24:40+00:00

Ugh. Yes.

For any new ladies in the sub, let me explain CoMmUnIcAtIoN and why it's bullshit.

If you go on any relationship subreddit, you'll see dozens of posts from frantic women with very reasonable asks/boundaries being told to communicate with their partner and the hundreds of comments saying "you just need to communicate!"

Nah, sis.

He just doesn't want to be bothered to care.

My ex is a NVM. During our relationship, I was working at a Fortune 500 company negotiating multi-million dollar contracts. I know how to communicate. The problem? He just couldn't be bothered to care. At all. I could say something fifteen different ways, and it didn't matter. So no, CoMmUnIcAtIoN ain't it.

rawwwrrrgghh · 2021-07-19T11:00:03+00:00

Where can I buy this book?

MildlySchizo · 2021-07-19T17:23:57+00:00

Until my time here I never realized that this was the default advice for ANY situation, no matter how dangerous. Its horrifying. You can read through any of the relationship subs and a woman is talking about '2 years ago my bf held me down and had sex with me when i said no and i gave in and let him and now he uses that as an excuse to keep doing it, what do i do?' and you'll have tons of comments like 'well did you communicate to him that no means no? did you fully explain to him that you don't want to be raped? does he understand thats rape?' I'm soooo fucking floored.

saint-jezebel · 2021-07-19T18:30:07+00:00

Omg. I had a man tell me this. And during our conversation where we “communicated”, I pointed out all things I wanted that he fell short on. Every. Single. Thing. And when he asked “why didn’t I ask again” he couldn’t comprehend that “it’s something he should now bring up because his feelings changed and I shouldn’t have to feel like I’m begging” but he could very well comprehend “why waste my time on you when another man is willing to give it to me the first time”.

Bet that second one hit him like a ton of bricks because I’m not saying it again 😇

anonymous_monkey2 · 2021-07-21T03:56:30+00:00

There's a difference between protecting your wellbeing vs whether something is WORTH even talking about. This didnt happen with a man, but I was getting treated like I dont ~communicate~ when i decided to vacate a sharehouse because they didnt tell me the place was infested with mice. I had an important job interview and i was waiting until that was over tobreak it to them that i was leaving.

I had to focus on my interview instead of dealing with stupid housemate shit that wouldnt have even been a problem if they "communicated" in the first place (aka i wouldnt have moved in if they were honest. Hypocrites, why should I owe them anything anyway?)

So i was treated like i was refusing to communicate. NO! it just wasnt worth putting myself through that. They argued with me anyway, saying its "equal responsibility to contact the landlord (wtf, i did not contribute to that). I saw that coming. Imagine if I had done that before my interview. I didnt need to put myself through that when I was stressed enough.

And even then there was nothing to fix! They wanted to be live like gross people. So i had to leave. No amount of communicating and forcing peope to change would have done fucking anything.

People who put emphasis on ~communicating~ for the wrong times are fucked. Not even everything can be fixed that way.

Aksentia_Ivanovitcha · 2021-07-21T07:56:02+00:00

Title	"CoMmUnIcAtIoN"
Author	Any_Indication_2754
Upvotes	930
Comments	12
Date	July 19, 2021 7:20 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/on93jb/communication/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/communication.793203 https://theredarchive.com/post/793203

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