Does a high value woman ever date someone she meets through her work? Put another way, does a woman lower herself by accepting a date from a coworker?

SummitToThePeak · 2020-08-03T00:08:16+00:00

This is just my personal choice, but I don't date anyone inside my industry. I work in an industry with a tight/gossipy community that hires people based on reputation. It doesn't matter how skilled I am at the work if I piss off the wrong people. For me, the risk/reward for dating in my industry doesn't balance out. The risk of dating the wrong/vengeful man and ruining my whole career is too high to justify the "reward" of a relationship. I simply don't need it. I need my job.

I do know plenty of women who married inside the industry and lots of people say how they can only date people with our kinds of jobs. They feel our industry is so peculiar that people outside of it can't understand our constantly changing schedules. But for me, it's not worth it, I'd rather be alone and keep my career intact. Plus you never know what their relationship looks like from the inside. I've seen lots of divorces in the industry too.

Depending on what kind of work you do, tread carefully. Especially if the person showing you interest is superior to you in any way (not just your boss, but a mentor or even just significantly older or more experienced). It means they like having a power imbalance between you, know they have the upper hand and could ruin your career if they wanted. My personal goal is to never put myself in that position.

CatSweets · 2020-08-03T01:14:39+00:00

There's a vulgar but succinct saying for this. I always repeat it to myself regarding my dating and career lives potentially colliding:

"Don't shit where you eat".

Pahapan · 2020-08-03T01:25:41+00:00

The potential benefit simply does not outweigh the risk. Yeah, you could meet a HVM and live happily ever after but you are FAR more likely to encounter LVM who will potentially make both your personal and work lives a living hell. The most dangerous LVM is the one who's able to pass himself off as HV long enough to worm his way into a position to make you miserable. Do yourself a favor and limit his scope to your personal life alone. Your work life should be able to be a refuge.

moriahqri · 2020-08-03T03:14:32+00:00

I would say be cautious. I know some married couples at work BUT in my experience I also found out the male coworkers who made advances at me had also made advances toward many other women at work. You might just be his 'Makerting' department boo. And yea if it doesnt work out but then you have to see him everyday at work....whew it's not fun let me tell you.

muricaxoxo · 2020-08-03T01:26:43+00:00

Well, think of it this way when it's going well it will be fine but what happens if it goes bad? If it affects your career or image then you have to deal with the consequences and you have no one else bit to blame yourself. I personally do not think it's a HVW thing to do. If you're interested in finding someone in your field you can do that at industry events, online or other ways of meeting them but ensuring you don't work with them. Like people say, don't shit where you eat. I've also heard what guys say when they sleep with a girl we all know at work and it's really gross.

ChristianGirl93 · 2020-08-03T01:22:11+00:00

Without reading fully, you have to ask yourself why would a man not put in the effort to seek a female outside his place of work?

BlueSeaWilt · 2020-08-03T04:19:11+00:00

I know you've solved this already, but a journalist friend of mine advised me never to date in the industry. Too insular, too reputation based.

hilariouslystated · 2020-08-03T03:24:47+00:00

I think depending on your industry, you could find an HVM at work but personally, I would not date someone that I know from work. I prefer complete separation from men that I date so if it doesn't work out, I can just block and delete him and not have to deal with him anymore instead of still having to see him at work Monday - Friday. Not only would that be awkward, it might leave the door open to rekindle a failed relationship, something else I don't want to do.

daisy_0720 · 2020-08-03T07:31:41+00:00

I did it once and regretted it. At least it was a relationship and not a hookup, but EVERYONE knew when we broke up. I hated being the center of office gossip. Also, if he's done it with you, there's a VERY high chance he's done it with other women he's worked with.

Now I'm in a job I love and plan to stay in for a long time and I would NEVER jeopardize it for the sake of a man. The risk/reward payoff isn't good enough imo.

Also, just wondering how many HVM are really chasing after co-workers? I would imagine a classy, respectful man would want to keep his professional and personal life separate.

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