Does anyone feel like they attract poor options?

Nearby-Armadillo · 2020-05-08T01:29:08+00:00

Most men are poor options

ManchurianCantaloupe · 2020-05-08T01:48:24+00:00

I attract everyone. I don't say that to be conceited, men will approach whatever.

We've been lied to about the amount of near-sociopathic, personality disordered, commitment phobic, LV and NV men out there. It's most of them.

odebus · 2020-05-08T02:40:49+00:00

If you're not dating the trash, then you're doing fine. Most shitty men are comfortable approaching women. Just dismiss then and move on.

ironymaiden87 · 2020-05-08T02:26:38+00:00

Yes, absolutely. In the past I've been attracted to mentally unstable men because they seem "complicated" and "intense". Narcissists and sociopaths can also sense that I'm an empath and a nurturer and they make a beeline to me and I end up manipulated and hurt. And I'm usually put off by anyone who's actually sane because I find them "boring". 🙁

I'm now more aware of this than ever though and I'm working hard to change my perspective and I think it's working. The real test will be when I try dating again though...

throwahweigh3521 · 2020-05-08T02:09:18+00:00

Many many women of all different economic situations, educational attainments all over the world have extremely similar anecdotal stories about the prevalence of shitty men attracted to them.

Lots come to conclusions like yours- that somehow it’s their fault. That it’s the location, their class, their career, their past, their present, their financials and decide that if they work smart and diligently they can win the prize: a man. That all this nasty attention is circumstantial and relative to them- not endemic and how men generally act.

Let’s flip the script. What if there’s only no value men demonstrating attraction to you? Why is that scenario any less true than there’s something about you that gets attention from unwanted, undesirable men?

Let’s take this a little further. When you first received male attention how old were you? I was 9, flat chested, wearing knee socks walking to school before 8am. And consider this, even if on purpose, you solicited male attention were you intent on receiving sexualized negativity that was demeaning? Were you fishing for fuck bois? Does any woman really have to do much more than exist to receive sexual attention?

So here’s the thing. While leveling up and working on yourself is always a good thing the whole idea that it creates a space for a worthwhile man to take notice of you blah blah blah is very romance novel and cinematic.

Lately so many posts on FDS are from women who don’t believe they are worthy as is for attention and attraction from a basic decent guy.

If you’re emotionally mature and all the other reciprocal cooperative traits that create good relationships then aren’t you already good to go?

Money, job, location and purchased experiences and objects are very subjective measures of worth. HVM treat you like gold, don’t buy you with gold and certainly don’t count your gold to determine your value imo.

I know so much of heteronormative dating is based on marketplace ideas that are explained with ideas that use “science” and “evolution” to declare transactional ideas as “natural”. So it’s easy to conclude you need to enhance your value. But what if the man supply was overwhelmingly shitty? What if what was on offer wasn’t worth having?

Instead of default thinking this is on you consider that there’s just as much evidence that it isn’t.

bearded_dragonlady · 2020-05-08T03:09:19+00:00

It sounds like you need to find a better dating ecosystem. Although LVM exist in all socioeconomic demographics, my friends have had the worst experience with less educated/lower class men.

SpamNEggsDeuce · 2020-05-08T13:51:16+00:00

It's not who you attract, it's who you respond to.

Thirsty losers approach people all the time. People who they honestly have no business approaching, but they're delusional so they don't understand that.

I've been shocked at the people who have approached me sometimes. Not to be snobbish but, are you fucking kidding me?

You're not attracting them, they're playing the numbers game, the only mistake you can make is giving them attention.

CaramelxMarshmallows · 2020-05-08T08:06:36+00:00

99% men are undateable trash.

Stay single or risk getting abused.

heliodrome · 2020-05-08T13:52:28+00:00

I think there are circles in which it’s important for a man to be married and have a stable family, etc. So maybe in those upper class circles you’ll meet someone, who appears normal, but I wouldn’t put my money on it. It’s safer to remain single in this world. Every time I’ve been in a relationship, I came out battered and had to take a long time to get back on my feet. It wasn’t that I wasn’t ready to date, it was that I was literally emotionally and often financially destroyed.

kiyankiriam · 2020-05-08T23:05:04+00:00

I used to think that i attract flies only, but realized flowers attract both butterflies and flies. You just have to weed them out.

2020-05-08T14:00:47+00:00

I can relate. I get just the worst unattractive men approaching me. I used to feel bad about this, like how could these NVM/ZVM/LVM even think they had a chance with me? also used to put it up to racist sexualization, but FDS let me know all types of women have to deal with this shit no matter what race or economic status....(well I still think it's at least 30% racism lol) I think the reality is most men are shitty and it's just a hazard of life, unfortunately. I mean there's good men that approach you so it's not all poor options, I think focusing on that and just disregarding the gross ones would put you in a better mentality. I definitely think economic status is meaningful, financial instability is not good for mental health in general probably though that's also dependent on the individual.

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