I'm already married , but I came to this sub as I am shifting towards radfem from libfem, and learning how to vet my friends better.

Lately I have been going over my mistakes I made having my life ruined by a NVM ex-husband, and a couple of setbacks afterward in dating after the divorce. I want to help younger women prevent damaging themselves through any wisdom I can impart.

Here are a few vetting ideas I hope you use.

1) Credit Reports! Don't just take their word that they have good credit, you actually need to see the full report. This should be before engagement talks. If you wait until you're buying a house it'll be too late.

2) Vet their family and their interactions with yourself and your partner. Having a bad family isn't a deal breaker, but if your partner doesn't protect you and hold to agreed boundaries, then your life will be miserable.

3) Gambling behavior? Go on a trip to Vegas and see how they gamble. My ex didn't have a problem, but my uncle bankrupted my aunt out of millions of dollars and her business. My dad buys $200 of lotto tickets a week. Eww.

4) What's the plan for aging parents? Does he expect to support them monetarily, move in with you, expect you to quit your job and be a caregiver? Personally this would be my worst nightmare!

5) If you plan on having children, consider genetic counseling. Also, discuss what will you do if the child shows fetal anomalies that would warrant termination. Do you feel the same about abortion in this situation? What if you have a special needs child? What's the plan for money, care, jobs, etc?

6) Is it ambition they exhibit, or is it delusion? I put my ex through 6 years of grad school and then he proclaimed he didn't want to do the job he trained for. Fully discuss educational and career goals and make sure their plans make sense.

7) What is their attitude when leveling up on their end? Would they feel grateful to you for helping them get there, or would they feel they need to trade in for someone they see as higher value because they are now more valuable? My ex thought his sister should divorce her husband when she became an MD because he still had the same career as when she started out. They had a great relationship and he put her through school all that time. Huge red flag!

Sending good vibes to all you Queens out there, have a lovely day!