Genuine Question

rftw2013 · 2019-10-23T12:58:10+00:00

Men who want to go Dutch and will not pay are just in it for sex, and they want to waste your time. I spent years only doing coffee dates and drinks, and I wasted my time with men who just wanted sex and not a relationship.

Now it's EXPENSIVE to waste my time. If you'd like to see me, you need to buy me a meal. That's NOT because I can't buy my own meal; I make multiple six figures. It's so that you don't waste my TIME, which is my most valuable resource.

When I spend TIME with a man, I can't get that back. I could be spending time with my friends, working on my businesses, or any number of other things that do not involve risk for me.

modernmedusaa · 2019-10-23T16:08:31+00:00

And how do you know the man you're getting to know isn't putting on their nicest sweetest gentleman act to get in your pants? Most men aren't that stupid, they know what a woman wants to hear and its usually not 'hey I'm looking to get in a warm hole, string you along treat you like shit, then ditch you the minute some other hot girl catches my eye'....so they lie, flatter and say what you'd like to hear 'I really like you, I see us going somewhere, wouldn't we have pretty babies!'.

And who cares if he is a student or not self made yet? My ex bf was an IT student, and paid for everything, over the course of 2years, and he let me know straight he was trying to marry, move in and have kids. He poured his heart out and was working over time to cuff me, cos he knew I had many options open to me & he knew I was not some low esteem dumb pick me n a rush to get hitched. He knew the city was teeming full of men that would happily buy me drinks and swipe me off him if he didn't act right. His culture was that you take care of the woman, and you take marriage seriously, so that helped- because his family would look down on him for not being a man & expecting a woman to pay (MY TYPE!). He wasn't the richest either, but had strong career goals and he was mature. He was on a student budget too but when I started moaning about him not having enough to take me out to where I wanted, I gave him a kick up the ass to get a higher paid job and he did. If he didn't I would of dropped him, which is exactly why he did. If a man is trying to cuff you & is scared to lose you, you will know about it. And you should still drop him, if other areas aren't matching up, you don't just take the first offer of marriage, without thinking it through, its a big decision. Women who settle are stuck in a scarcity mindset.. do you know how many men around the globe will leap to date an attractive smart woman who is loyal? Lmao plenty sis. A lot of pretty women are pick me bimbos, and men want a mental challenge, they want someone who's going to have high standards, who won't let them stay stagnant. You don't have to put up with subpar sex for a nice guy, put up with immaturity just cos he's hot, or pay half just cos he wants to. Men will cheat in an instant, if they feel they're not getting exactly what they want, even if what they want, is way out their league.

Stop pandering to men, I'm so sick of the excessive pandering to them. Most of them are callous and see women as objects to be used for sex/emotional labour with no commitment. A few are amazing and will add value to your life. If you haven't worked this out yet I'm going to assume you're naive and are not very experienced in this game. And it is a game, it is a competition. If you want the top mates, you better work, cos smart women are not going to sign their life away to you willy nilly, why would a sensible person do that?

Barbie-girl · 2019-10-23T13:33:14+00:00

Just go through the required reading in the "About" section of this sub. You will find very useful threads which explains everything in detail. Basically this sub is in response to the various PUA, Red Pill strategies that low-quality men have come up with to have sex with as many women as possible. The suggestions given in this sub will weed out low-quality fuckboys, who lie to multiple women that they want long term relationships but are only looking for free sex. Just look at the anger and brigading here from men belonging to MGTOW, Red Pill, incel forums because they know their cheap tricks will no longer work.

_HEDONISM_BOT · 2019-10-23T14:18:38+00:00

Everyone here seems opposed to cheap first dates. Maybe I'm naive or something, but...what's wrong with a cheap first date? I've always thought of that as a good thing. Aren't dates supposed to be more about getting to know each other than the food itself?

Here's what's wrong with a cheap "first date". If you are young, nieve, or have had less than 5 LTR relationships (lasting 2+ years), you won't know when a man is stringing you along. You may know it and not believe it, or be too insecure to leave, because you're inexperienced at dealing with breakups effectively. Most men who will string you along and waste your time, bullshit, fail to commit, will also generally be cheap. Because their intention for you was to fuck around to begin with, they won't want to set aside a ton of money because they plan on ghosting you now, or 3 months from now, or don't see anything longterm with you. They won't tell you that up front, because then you won't suck his dick in the backseat of his car, after going dutch on Dinner and a movie. That's why.

When you only agree to go on a date with a guy you've had time to vet, and only if he pays for dinner (like $30+ at least). You'll know he's trying to impress you, and is putting forth an effort. This creates a "security deposit", where if he's going to waste your time, it's going to be expensive for him to bullshit. If he's bullshitting, he won't be able to afford it for long, and will drop you sooner, rather than later. You will find out after 4 or 5 dates that you're seeing a fuckboy, as opposed to 3.5 years and 2 kids later. Sorry/not sorry. A man who's not bullshitting and who sees something longterm with you will do the work of courting you. Dating is literally 80% about weeding out the bullshitters because again, every man wants his dick sucked in the back seat of his car after a few drinks, on the first date, but only a man who wants to be with you longterm will pay for dinner first, and drinks, and several extravagant dates to get there. The fuckboys will bounce after date #1, or #3 once they realize you're not going to put out without significant evidence of investment in you, from him.

It's an additional filter, which is very effective. You'll also see this in businesses. Like when you go to buy a car at an auction, you usually need to put some money down that you're going to lose if you only came there to "window shop". If everyone attending an auto auction pays $250 to get an opportunity to bid on a car, only the serious bidders will enter and you'll be most likely to only encounter serious bidders and avoid bidders who are bullshitting. This weeds out the people who are just "shopping" for a car, and aren't serious about buying it. Same with housing/apartments. If you require 1 months rent as a "security deposit", then the person has to be completely serious about renting to fork up the money upfront, and you weed out "nonserious" renters.

it works for businesses and it'll work for you. Literally find a way to demand expensive dates upfront, and this will create a "buyin" amount for dating you. Fuckboys will weed themselves out, and only serious applicants will make it to the second or third date with you = /

Win/Win.

Garbageaccount21045 · 2019-10-23T12:46:58+00:00

Cheap dates and going halfsies makes it easier for men to string you (and several others) along solely for sex.
Men who genuinely like you will invest in you. Paying for dates is a minimal sign of investment.
Women take massively more risk with the opposite sex than vice versa, and for much lower Reward. Rape, murder, pregnancy, less orgasms, abortion, etc.Men have to compensate for their lower risk and less value, usually monetarily. Men and women do not have equal risk not reward.

Sienna57 · 2019-10-23T14:29:03+00:00

I do wonder how women here would advise others on dating while students and, maybe even more complicated, if the man is a student and the woman is a working professional. I’ve gone on dates with a few PhD students and I feel like that complicates the rules (I likely make twice what they do).

I do think there are ways that guys can make effort that aren’t just about money. I’ve been impressed when they suggest something that is clearly a subject of interest for me especially as a day date. They clearly thought about a plan and in some cases did some research to find something that I would want to do. If we live far apart, they also show effort by picking locations that are more convenient for me.

Red flag - a guy to suggest a date that was convenient for him but not for me. It was a first date off an app so I didn’t put things together until I learned more about him, but it really showed me whether he is a considerate person/not concerned with wasting my time.

s_slayer · 2019-10-23T13:43:22+00:00

Women and men are hardly the same! Men account for at least 96% of all prison inmates. Women are the nurturers of the world and have been oppressed forever. If a man can’t at least step up and buy me dinner, I know it’s not going anywhere. I have NEVER had a relationship progress with a cheap ass man. I have been with several men who didn’t think twice to pay for me. Stats show men earn more, that’s not a lie. All my lovers with a few exceptions have earned way more than me and so why should I pay? The only time I paid was when I got a big windfall, then I took my boyfriend on a trip. None of these men ever had a problem treating me.

I recently dated a guy with money who I think didn’t want to date me because he knew I was going to expect him to pay all the time. Good riddance. Meanwhile my ex is back in my life who always paid for me AND my kids. Imagine that! For me it’s very telling about the nature of a guy if they are cheap about that. You not eating much is irrelevant. The only thing I will do is pay for myself on a date when I know I don’t want to see the guy again, but if there’s chemistry and he doesn’t at least try to pay for me, that’s a dealbreaker. Why? Because I’ve never had to pay for myself when a guy really liked me. Relationships are different. You can meet more in the middle unless one earns much more than the other. I think you were given gold by a cheap ass moid lol.

ETA: this was in response to a now-deleted post by someone claiming she didn’t eat much, I guess out of respect for the guy paying for her? Pitiful! Eat, let them pay and enjoy yourself! If they can’t even buy you dinner why would you want to see them again? Smh.

AverageToHot · 2019-10-23T13:39:58+00:00

The point of not doing cheap dates is for you to filter out men who are only halfway interested in you. Men will not let their dreamgirl pay, but those looking for something casual will.
If you believe in splitting the bill, this sub isn't for you. Go back to /r/dating_advice.

Those who continue supporting splitting the bill and doing cheap dates will be banned on sight. This is not the philosophy we support here.

EDIT:

OP has been banned for showing pick me tendencies. Her POV is incompatible with what the sub stands for. Newbies, learn what FDS is about by reading the sidebar. You either agree with our philosophy or you don't. If you don't, go to /r/dating_advice and don't participate here.

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dancingfeet999 · 2019-10-23T12:56:01+00:00

Personally, I don't mind cheap dates. I agree, its all about the conversation. I've been on "first dates" just chilling at their house watching a movie. For me, people learn real quick that I don't really eat much. For one, I'm so deep in the conversation I don't really think about the food. & for two, I just don't eat a lot lol. So people learn they do not need to spend much money on me food wise.
I always offer to pay my part of the bill if it is an outing. I've even offered to pay on anniversaries. With my first bf, we always switched off. We were both broke college students so most of the time we would split it. If one of us were doing better than the other financially that week, then we would offer to pay the whole bill. & then the other would make it up later. Nothing wrong with that, its life. People are human.

All in all, I think most women are entitled and don't think a man deserves to be treated like a prince just because he's a man. Men have feelings too.

walkingthrones19 · 2019-10-23T13:09:43+00:00

Nothing. Absolutely nothing is wrong with a cheap date or splitting the bill. Some of the most fun dates barely cost a thing! It should be more about sharing time together. Not what they spend. Just my opinion.

CrushingPoultry · 2019-10-23T15:15:49+00:00

You’re thinking is right. Keep that mind set. This sub is full of angry single women.

CharlotteFigNewtons · 2019-10-23T14:51:14+00:00

You bitches sound so hilariously bitter this sub is hilarious

Title	Genuine Question
Author	ApatheticEight
Upvotes	55
Comments	51
Date	October 23, 2019 12:34 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/dlynkj/genuine_question/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/genuine-question.689706 https://theredarchive.com/post/689706

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