He doesn't make the decision, you do.

Sage_Planter · 2020-05-23T04:24:50+00:00

If a man can't decide between me and another woman, he's just not that into me, and I don't want to waste any more time on him. End of story.

Any woman who tires to fight for a man is a fool.

Verysoftbun · 2020-05-23T03:56:50+00:00

This has always been a default for me. If I find out a guy I like has a crush on someone else/dating/married I lose interest. If my crush tries to make me jealous I lose interest and get disgusted.

ShieldMaidenLagertha · 2020-05-23T05:24:34+00:00

Yes! After I caught him cheating, my shittiest ex tried to tell me he needed “time to think” and decide if he wanted to stay with me or start seeing her openly. I told him to go fuck himself, packed my shit, moved out to stay with family, and a couple months later found a house I bought. I’m doing great and he married the alcoholic other woman who is now making him a really public cuckhold.🤣

msromperstomper · 2020-05-23T03:48:09+00:00

Sometimes deep down we know we should walk away from this men but we're just too afraid to be lonely. Too afraid to be heartbroken. I learn it the hard way and I'm proud of the decision that I made cause it means I'm strong enough to disregard my feelings, despite how strong they are. It means I'm strong enough to not listen to my heart because I know it's not going to bring me anything good. It means I'm strong enough to choose what's right for me in the long term, even though I'd be heartbroken with that decision. And it means I'm mature enough to do the only thing that needed to be done if I want to save myself. Keep strong Queens and know your self-worth 💕

2020-05-23T05:35:52+00:00

Yes, yes, yes! This advice goes with or without someone else in the picture

Half a year into our relationship, my ex shared that he had doubts about us (doubts about me), but he didn't want to break up, he wanted to try to make it work. I was devastated, but I stayed and I tried to make it work. From then on, I felt like I was working for his approval, that I had to be this enough and that enough to keep him. Y'all, he didn't even like me, let alone love me. He wanted me to be a different person. If I had been smarter and respected myself more, I would have left as soon as he expressed his doubts (but actually much sooner than that because there were hella red flags).

seraphinelysion · 2020-05-23T04:45:50+00:00

I have a friend who is in desperate need of this advice, but I just can't get through to her. For the sake of my own sanity, I had to stop talking to her about her marriage problems.

BrooklynBabe33 · 2020-05-23T11:01:27+00:00

Did this in Dec. I just told him it wasn’t working for me and I deleted and blocked never waited for a response.

Oh and the other woman? Well turned out she was lying to him and only wanted him for his money. He ended it. Oh well. Too bad so sad 😭

Lol idiots

butterfree_zhuangzi · 2020-05-23T13:22:39+00:00

This is long but very cathartic for me. I don't have many people irl available right now to talk about this and your post gave me some confidence and courage to share.

Just last night the guy I had been flirting with for a couple months told me he's been speaking with his ex for a few weeks now and he said he knows he should have told me sooner/he's an asshole/he's so sorry blah blah. He asked me not to tell her about it because he knows she will eventually ask me for some reason? I don't know why she will ask me anything because we were not public in any way.

Well this is the first time a man has hurt my feelings like this that I didn't just crumble and act like a sad victim begging for a man who doesn't deserve me or my attention. This is someone I called a friend since I was 14. We both went through breakups and were taking things ultra slow with that and lockdown in mind. I called him out for using me for emotional support and a back up plan in case things didn't work out with his ex. I also told him the best I can do if she asks me anything is leave her on read and even that doesn't feel right to me.

I told him that if and when she finds out I don't want to be seen as the woman who lied for a man's selfish benefit especially one who hurt me. And honestly, this just opened my eyes to how much he probably didn't tell me about their relationship and his own fuck ups. He didn't bad mouth his ex or anything, but I thought their issues were quite different than what I think they are now. I'm a woman who supports other women and it would feel wrong to lie to this girl. And who am I protecting? A selfish LVM who hurt me and his ex?

I really tore into him in a matter of fact way. I didn't act emotional. I was so far from emotional it was kind of an odd dissociation. I was in pure education mode. I told him that he needs to tell her. She deserves to know the truth. If they are together for a while and she messages me asking about it I'm going to be straight with her.

I would hope another woman would do the same for me. Particularly since they have been on and off like this for TEN years. This is why despite feeling hurt I was pretty emotionless. I didn't necessarily expect it to happen for certain, but I knew it was a very real possibility and had been feeling like our connection was off for a couple weeks. He is away for work so I thought maybe it was to do with that. It isn't, but that's his bullshit excuse for why he lead me on (and I told him it's a bullshit excuse.) ETA1: We didn't start speaking romantically until long after their breakup and my own.

I really liked him. He made me feel special and valued, he was a gentleman, we wanted the same things for our future and have similar values, and he has already taken me on a few dinner dates before leaving for work. He was supposed to take me on a more outdoorsy date when he gets home. He brought that up just within the last week and also discussed a gardening project with me asking if I would grow him something while he's away.

I'm hurting today but not specifically about him. I'm hurting because you can think you know a man and they can still do the unimaginable and ask you to help them do it. One minute he was telling me I could talk to him about my spiritual thoughts I had journalled about and the next he wanted me to lie for him so he could be with his ex.

ETA2: I say I wasn't emotional because normally when a man hurts me I am so overwhelmed emotionally that I don't have a conversation with the man I just turn into a blubbering, angry mess. This time however I managed to communicate my thoughts and feelings while staying calm and collected. I even kept a cold attitude so he would feel the difference in the tone of our conversation.

I told him to grow up before he hurts his ex again. I told him I really liked him and didn't expect this from him. That I was disappointed and hurt. And I told him not to come back looking for anything because he had lost his one and only chance. This is the first time I've told a man he lost his chance after the first fuck up and it feels GREAT to own my autonomy and self worth like this.

He wants us to stay friends and I assume that's so he can try and manipulate me into lying to his ex about what happened between us. I've told him no dice. Friends don't do that to each other. He's very much having a pity party and I haven't jumped to save his feelings and make it all better like I would have before FDS. Usually I would "fight" for a man's attention and "love" and forget about myself in the process. So thank you guys for the support and wisdom and thank God this sub exists. Boy bye.

Sreshme · 2020-05-23T03:33:50+00:00

Amen sis! Learning hard way!

sophrosyne2189 · 2020-05-23T16:18:49+00:00

Reminds me of this quote by Cheryl Strayed:"Be brave enough to break your own heart."

Title	He doesn't make the decision, you do.
Author	Whateverrr_345
Upvotes	247
Comments	19
Date	May 22, 2020 8:37 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/gorb7j/he_doesnt_make_the_decision_you_do/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/he-doesnt-make-the-decision-you-do.675425 https://theredarchive.com/post/675425

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