How do I leave?

Sage_Planter · 2020-07-15T14:39:42+00:00

A break up isn't a negotiation. It's not a conversation about where to get dinner. It's one person ending the relationship. There doesn't need to be agreement on it.

Do you live together? It sounds like he lives in your place. If so, you should seek legal advice on how to evict him.

Thestral-glow6 · 2020-07-15T14:36:23+00:00

Do you not have any close friends or family that can help you with this; to be physically present when you tell him you want him out?

Not only will this help you feel supported but it will make him realise that you mean business and that other people know you’ve told him to leave.

chateauduchat · 2020-07-15T14:38:26+00:00

Tell everyone. I felt that the people around me could hold me accountable. If I tried to do it alone, I’d probably be so coerced into taking back my ex. Force him to move all his belongings and have your friends and family there with you to make sure he doesn’t pull any stunt.

circescircus · 2020-07-15T15:08:54+00:00

What is your living situation like if I may ask?

Do you rent and have both your names on the lease, do you own a house together, do you own and he rents from you, or does he own and you rent from him.

You already sound over him, I don't think you really need our help with that. If you don't live with him, you can just break up and block him. His presence in your living space + his manipulative attempts to negotiate with you make it difficult for you to move on. Don't let him continue to manipulate you, you know what he is doing and that he doesn't value you. You gave him enough chances, he blew it.

Sort out the living situation first. I'm not an expert so I don't want to give you wrong info, but just google and reddit search, see what you can do. I think once you're not living with him anymore, you won't feel nearly such strong attachment issues. Out of sight, out of mind.

painmakesyoustronger · 2020-07-15T15:27:02+00:00

Can you tell us how he makes it complicated? What does he do to dissuade you?

husheveryone · 2020-07-15T15:40:47+00:00

“Forever girlfriend” is definitely a huge insult - start framing this that way, cut all ties with this one and then go out and demand more from the next relationship.

FewButterscotch6 · 2020-07-16T03:33:02+00:00

For situations like this you REALLY need a concrete plan and other people to help you execute it. My cousin was in the same boat and here's what we had to do to get the scrote out of her house.

She informed him that he was being evicted and had 30 days to be completely moved out.
A legal eviction for someone not paying rent/not on the lease/mortgage is 14 days in her state.
She gave him 2 weeks to take it seriously w/o involving the law, then got the legal eviction notice.
When he was still making no effort to leave, she went to stay at another relative's house to avoid his manipulation attempts and our biggest, most no-nonsense male relative moved into her place to supervise the asshole to make sure he didn't wreck anything while the clock ran out.
When the time came, the sheriff's office sent people out to move his stuff to the lawn, remove him from the premises, and supervise changing the locks. We avoided the removal fees by moving his stuff ourselves under supervision, but she still had to pay roughly $200 for their presence alone. So, you could do this alone, but it'll simply cost more.
She would've had to pay for a restraining order as well to keep him from hanging out around her house, but luckily since he made a scene in front of the sheriff, it was free as there was clear evidence he was going to keep causing problems for her.
Most importantly, remember that HIS refusal to live in reality and GTFO your home, is not YOUR responsibility for HIS life. Give him fair warning to avoid homelessness then do what you have to do. Everyday he stays in your place, unwelcome, he's making YOU homeless.

throwawayaimit · 2020-07-16T02:36:42+00:00

Read, eat, sleep, breathe, the FDS guidebook. It took me 2 reads to be convinced. 4 to take action. You have NOTHING to lose, in fact, you have way more to gain by leaving. It won't feel like it at first, but give yourself time, you won't regret it.

FDSxMuffinVSrat · 2020-07-16T06:17:26+00:00

I recently "broke up" with a friend.

I'm the same way as you. I listen to people because I care.

So when he picked up some things he lent me, I gave them to him while hearing headphones and blasting music. He tried to talk but I couldn't hear him. I gave him a thumbs up and walked back inside my home.

I think he had some kind of speech prepared. I just totally ignored it, went inside and made myself a tea.

Title	How do I leave?
Author	strainedcrow
Upvotes	41
Comments	19
Date	July 15, 2020 10:30 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/hrl6tq/how_do_i_leave/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-do-i-leave.712016 https://theredarchive.com/post/712016

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