I need affirmation

GlitterBrand · 2020-09-29T02:49:05+00:00

It's going to be really hard for the next few days. I don't know you or how you deal with things, but I have some anxious, depressive tendencies myself so here are some recommendations based on what's helped me:

-Do not drink, binge eat or take drugs. Don't do anything to numb your pain

-if talking helps you, get in touch with a friend or a therapist. If you don't have that, you can call a hotline for relationships/depression. They exist for a reason

-List three things to do that calm you down. A warm bath; lighting a scented candle and doing some deep breathing for 5 minutes; washing sheets and freshly making your bed; a long drive. List out three things that work for you

-Find an interesting show to binge watch on Netflix. When you start thinking of your ex, redirect your thoughts to the show. It will feel painful at first but resisting the temptation to obsess will help you

-make a fake deadline. Tell yourself you can't unblock him today, but you can in 100 days from today. In 100 days if you stay away, it is very likely you'll be over him. The point is to fake yourself out because saying you won't take to someone ever again is daunting

-distraction (washing dishes mindfully or paying some bills); meditation (guided meditation on youtube); and coping with a positive mantra to center your thoughts when you feel despair ("I don't want to be with someone who doesn't respect me" or "I love myself too much to waste my precious time on men who don't see my worth" or "The world is abundant and there are great guys who treat women wonderfully, I am ready to receive such a man like that into my life" etc. I got this idea from this article and it really helped me: https://psychcentral.com/blog/3-steps-for-tolerating-the-pain-of-painful-emotions/

chateauduchat · 2020-09-29T02:42:40+00:00

You are doing great girl. Remember, if you’re feeling like you want to go back to him, force yourself to write down all the terrible crap he did to you. And affirm to yourself you do not deserve to be abused in any way, shape, or form. Please also read Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. Take time to grieve for the end of the relationship, and be sure to reach out to trustworthy and supportive and healthy friends and family as well. Hold yourself accountable to not return back to the abuse, and if you can’t trust yourself to do that, tell that friend and/or family member to remind you to do so.

The first couple of days are awful. You might regret doing it. You might be in a fog for awhile. It may take a long time. You’ll eventually get through it. Stay strong. 💕

zennbae · 2020-09-29T02:40:03+00:00

Mental abuse is not okay. You deserve so much better than a narcissist jerk. People who use mental abuse tactics are miserable, vindictive and they won't stop until they've broken you down to nothing. The good does NOT out weigh the bad in a relationship with mental abuse because it will never stop.

It will be difficult for the first couple of weeks where you'll feel tempted to unblock him but DON'T do it. This community has amazing advice, stories and posts that will uplift you to become a woman that you won't even recognize anymore but the woman you were always meant to be. You owe it to yourself to live the best life lived from the conscious choices you make everyday. Let this step be the start to an amazing journey ahead 💕focus on yourself and stay strong queen!

GlitterBrand · 2020-09-29T06:05:31+00:00

[deleted]

eveninghope · 2020-09-29T02:27:54+00:00

You did the right thing. Reach out to a friend just to chit chat and take your mind off it. Or do something that you find mentally soothing.

MagnfiqueMaleficent · 2020-09-29T04:33:29+00:00

You’ll go through withdrawal so try to keep your neurotransmitters as high as you can. Exercise even if it’s just a 20- minute walk. Talk to supportive friends, do what calms you. Take supplements to support your mood and brain health. Get rid of all visual reminders of him- gifts he might have given you, things you bought together. Distract yourself and remind yourself that you are simply creating a space for something better. Make room for that something. It gets easier, i promise!

poetfrog · 2020-09-29T02:38:14+00:00

You can do it. It’s baby steps and hard work but you’re on the right path

MomNateChloe · 2020-09-29T03:32:12+00:00

I saw someone post that we would never go back to a job that we left, so why would we ever go back to an ex? We left that miserable job for a reason. Why would we ever return?? Just like that post-er said, we need to think of relationships the same way. If we broke away from the harsh treatment from a man, we’d be an utter FOOL to go back.

You can do this! When we know better, we do better!

redbirdflies · 2020-09-29T13:59:01+00:00

Lots of self care, vitamins, eat healthy, drink lots of water, find a virtual yoga class or go for a long run. Find funny movies and videos that will make you laugh. Find sad videos and movies that will make you cry. Both are cathartic

Read the handbook. It will help strengthen your resolve

You’ve got this. Stay strong.

Glittering-Dig9368 · 2020-09-29T03:51:57+00:00

Hugs. You are strong. You deserve the best. You will heal.

muricaxoxo · 2020-09-29T04:45:26+00:00

Well done, you should be proud of yourself. Putting yourself first!! Please do something nice for yourself. I know it seems hard right now and you'll think this is a cliche but being on your own will be the best thing. No one can tell you what to do!!! It's the best, you can do what you like without a controlling and abusive person. And when (maybe if!) you're ready you'll find the right person that slots into your life. You'll learn they will ADD to your life not complete it, as you are already complete on your own. They will build you up and not break you down. For now though lean into your friends and family, if you have them and enjoy the time with them. Focus on your job or studies! Take yourself out for dates! Do you! And don't beat yourself up for falling for this guy, forgive yourself it's not your fault. In fact the hardest part is leaving and you did it! Be proud of how strong you are, you made it this far you can make it all the way ❤️

3alabali · 2020-09-29T14:55:59+00:00

Spend time with a family member or friend these next couple of days! Dont be where he can physically find you and try to talk to you. Get your mind off things and find support in someone who cares about you or at the very least can keep you company.

Title	I need affirmation
Author	abxukwogshwfkfsiwgsj
Upvotes	80
Comments	15
Date	September 29, 2020 12:45 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/j1ou7m/i_need_affirmation/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/i-need-affirmation.283876 https://theredarchive.com/post/283876

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