So I'm worried i just have unrealistic expectations, I don't think I've met anyone close to not having more red flags than a discount bin selling red flags at half price, let alone having what I really want

I'm extremely interested in human relations and psychology, especially trying to read people's behaviours. Trying to break why people do and say what they do and say and I'm far from good at it but it's been proven right many times

There's this guy I've been talking too online, we both run the same page and got talking to each other. At first I got my hopes up... But he started "showing" red flags, I honestly don't know if I'm just searching for shit to dislike about him, for example:

  1. He is teaching me chess, which I do appreciate and I've taken it upon myself to learn it as well. The game is definitely my kinda jam. The problem is he comes across as SUPER patronising. There's times when there only 1 of 2 moves to do, 1 would be suicide while the other delays me losing and he's like "aww yay you chose the right move!"

It throws me off my game so much, I am so annoyed, it feels like he's cheering when I manage to not shit myself all over the board. So what could I do about it? Well we're playing it online that allows analysis of the game after. I said that commentary on my moves REALLY throws me off, can he not comment on my moves until the game is over when we can both analyse what happened then?

First of all he says "okay, I'll shut up then" and that is not good to me because I didn't ask him to shut up but he's twisted the script around so I'm the bad guy

He also then IMMEDIATELY commented on my next move

I asked him afterwards when I asked him not to comment on my moves, why did he comment on my next move. He claimed he misunderstood me.

  1. He's had one relationship, he still comes across as quite emotional when he brings it up, which he has a few times. They were long distance and she didn't want to have video calls with him. He would regularly ask and she had "excuses" not to. He speaks quite negatively about her. Saying how when he "expressed he was sad" about no video calls she would be manipulative saying "you're right, I'm shit, you deserve better" which is awful to do however he then revealed they're still good friends and he cares for her "as a friend". Personally I'd be devestated if my friend spoke about me the way he just complained about her.

  2. He makes strong points then tries to back away from them. He comes across as incredibly intelligent and I guess I just don't? I'm interested in lots of things but I am not an intelligent person, I do work on it though however I was shocked when he said he can't cook... Like at all. Nor did he care about food safety.

He tries to bring himself back up by asking me (using overcomplicated language) if I knew how to do this logistics thing. I've done logistical stuff on a very small scale in my old jobs, my current job has a logistical element and my mum is a senior manager in logistics. I admitted I didn't know but I could easily find out and Id know where to start to find out.

He then said "well tbf it isn't that difficult"

  1. He's regularly trying to prove that video/voice calls are better than texting. I'm aware of the reasons why and the benefits of voice/video calling, I just hate it. I hate the idea other people in the household are listening to my conversations, I hate struggling to hear the other person, I hate filling in the awkward silences, I hate having to dress up to be on video. We did one voice call and he was so muffled, I was getting so anxious misunderstanding him... The entire time was him explaining chess moves... That made no sense to me.

Personally I get more than enough info I need from messages and everytime a guy has complained about me possibly missing the nuances of voice/video is because they're a massive asshole in messages

  1. I won't lie, I've been moody af the last week and I was raging at him about this meme I saw. The same old "what 14 year old girls think depression is vs what depression actually is" I am so fucking tired of them, they are on the front page nearly every day

Well I said it boils down to another men are better than women and its fucking sad that a man brags "hey I'm better at being mentally ill than a teenage girl"

He responded "yeah, and it's that stereotype that's making it so hard for mens mental health to be taken seriously"

Boi we are not even in the same book, let alone the same page

  1. Now this is one where I'm worried I'm yet again, over analysing: he talks about how at school there was a girl that pretended to like him then back stabbed him and said shit about him to their friends

Immediately in my head I'm like "wooooahh that is definitely a gold mine of bs, I better start digging"

I realised that if I ask too many questions he will catch on quick that I don't trust his story so I asked him what he meant by her pretending to like him

He explained they messaged each other all the time, hung out all the time in class and other people thought something was going on between them.

On that basis they were already acting like they were a couple doing couples things

I put a pin in it but later on I'm in the bath and I'm like "HOLY SHIT.... if he was certain they were a couple, why didn't he confirm it by kissing/hugging her/calling her his gf/going on a date?! HE KNEW THERE WAS A POSSIBILITY SHE DIDN'T LIKE HIM BACK. So his entire argument is void.... He's still bitter/emotional about the experience because his fears were confirmed and he was made into a fool getting his hopes up... He knows she didn't pretend anything" - - - - is this over analysing?!

Like I'm excited to hear how she "back stabbed" him to analyse that

This is one guy but I do this with EVERY guy now. I don't know if I just need to chill, help me out here ladies