Is Minimizing Feelings Gaslighting?

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2020-09-06T14:43:18+00:00

I think that's just called minimizing on its own. Unless it reaches a significant level and possibly includes other gaslighting behaviors. But that kind of minimizing is still totally unacceptable.

Hipster-Aurora · 2020-09-06T14:49:21+00:00

No, gaslighting is intentionally trying to make someone doubt their own memory, or the definition: "manipulate (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity." The movie the name comes from is where a husband makes his wife think she's going crazy to get her thrown in an asylum so he can steal her inheritance. He starts his plan by turning their gas lights off and telling her she's only misremembering them being on.

A lot of people here just use it synonymously with abuse, bullying, or general manipulation which is not what it is, and it's incredibly frustrating (people often misuse narcissist and negging too). Misusing it to mean whatever one wants is what leads to confusion like this, and it won't help victims of it.

That guy is just a jerk who dismisses your feelings because he lacks empathy.

Ms_Tilly · 2020-09-06T16:57:46+00:00

The men I hang out with at get togethers seem to be the ones who minimize my feelings by playing devil's advocate and making excuses for the other party or telling me I need to get over something that just happened when I still hear them whine about shit that happened years prior. I am so fucking tired of men trying to tell me how I should feel. It's exhausting.

stankyhose · 2020-09-07T10:33:42+00:00

This sounds like 'Toxic Positivity' :

"The process of toxic positivity results in the denial, minimization, and invalidation of the authentic human emotional experience. "

2020-09-06T15:10:30+00:00

[deleted]

divination__ · 2020-09-06T19:10:31+00:00

i personally think it does qualify as gaslighting, because you are essentially saying 'i am feeling this' and by dismissing your feelings, they are saying 'you are wrong to feel that way' or even 'no, you don't feel that way'. it is gaslighting imo because it makes you question not just the validity of your feelings but even the reality of them.

Platipus6 · 2020-09-07T00:28:47+00:00

It's part of the 3 steps abuse entails.

Minimize the problem.
Re-language it.
Thus you're over-reacting.

eg It's no big deal, it's "breath-play", therefore you shouldn't freak out, dont be a prude.

Reality : Being strangled is a big deal, go to the police.

The whole purpose is to condition us to doubt our own feelings, take on the language and words of the abuser to make it sound gentle and calm, and then never react with the appropriate outrage, anger and follow-through of harsh consequences that the abuse requires.

If a man starts out telling you you're overreacting all the time, be certain he'll start abusing you, with "proof" from all the times you overreacted before as a way to avoid consequences.

Also, most men have the EQ of a piece of toast and just dont want to deal with feelings.

In a way it is part of a pattern of societal gaslighting. Multiple men have tried to "calm me down" and "play devil's advocate" regarding my outrage about other men's behaviours. It's a concerted effort to get their buddies laid, knowing their friends would do the same for them. Make ALL women doubt their judgement and reactions so that ALL men can continue to abuse.

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ChristianGirl93 · 2020-09-06T19:28:06+00:00

Yes, even if it’s to de-escalate, imagine telling a friend ‘not to worry about something that it’s not That big a deal.’ Just sayin

2020-09-06T23:02:09+00:00

I'd call that invalidation of feelings.

2020-09-07T16:50:04+00:00

yes, it's gaslighting. but it's subtle, and socially acceptable way of gaslighting.

Title	Is Minimizing Feelings Gaslighting?
Author	GalsofWisconsin
Upvotes	36
Comments	20
Date	September 6, 2020 12:51 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/inlhhg/is_minimizing_feelings_gaslighting/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/is-minimizing-feelings-gaslighting.173742 https://theredarchive.com/post/173742

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