Let's talk about waiting.

jjlew922 · 2020-09-26T22:18:23+00:00

I entertain this thought occasionally and while I somewhat agree, this logic can also be reversed: a man who marries his partner after already sleeping together is more serious about the marriage than a man who puts a ring mostly for the sex.

I saw this happen many times. It’s definitely an effective way to make men commit. But do I want a man who otherwise wouldn’t marry me? I also think that some men later resent for missing out on careless sex (which is LVM).

But the most valuable argument I have against it is that our grandmas didn’t live during the era of mass porn. Nor most of our moms. Having penetrative sex seems like the reliable way to weed out pornsicks, kinks and limp dicks. I also wouldn’t want someone who plainly suck at it.

Acbc0077 · 2020-09-26T22:17:33+00:00

I understand that yes , a man that doesn’t mean it seriously with you, will leave. But at the same time some men suck in the bed, are selfish in the bed or even abusive. It is good to try it before. Imagine marrying him and finding out he doesn’t care about your orgasm

racheldaniellee · 2020-09-26T22:00:59+00:00

I’m going to strongly disagree here, sorry. While I agree you should wait for sex until you have figured out a guys intentions with you, some guys are really really bad in bed, not giving sexually, floppy penises that can’t stay hard, cumming in two minutes, or it takes two hours to cum, horrible smelling balls, weird fetishes. The list can go on and on.

There is too much that can be a problem that is not worth waiting until after marriage. A lot of women who wait to marriage end up with horrible sexual lives. I would hate to marry my husband and discover our sex is horrible. Sex is an important part of an adult relationship and I can’t see why I would want to wait for marriage to figure out if I’m sexually compatible with someone, I only plan on being married once and that’s a recipe for disaster.

ModernDayOracle · 2020-09-26T23:28:21+00:00

My takeaway from this post and the comments is that the most important thing is to wait until you are ready for sex. That might be marriage, that might be commitment. Be true to your ideals and hold your partner to a high standard.

I didn't wait for marriage, and I don't regret it at all, but that doesn't make it right for you, OP!

snowwhite224 · 2020-09-27T16:05:14+00:00

Hey girl I completely agree! While some make valid points above, I think the only one who can make that choice is you. I want to wait as well. I think it’s important to note that even though we are waiting, we can still have in depth conversations with our partner about our future sex life and discuss what we expect, and things like that.

Deadgirl1888 · 2020-09-27T00:29:43+00:00

Women used to wait to have sex because there was no birth control and single mothers were shamed by society. Waiting until marriage sets you up for abuse. You can see by how many christains have fucked up sex lives from purity culture.

CountingDownTheDays5 · 2020-09-26T22:18:37+00:00

I think the only person a woman is hurting by waiting until marriage is herself. I find waiting until marriage instead of exclusivity a foolish check to write. You may end up with a partner whom you are sexually incompatible with. Sleeping with the same man for the rest of your life is fine (in fact it's great), but having to coin toss weather that sex will be good or not is not fine (in fact it is horrible). Your idea is flawed because the idea of FDS is you don't date LVM or sleep with men until you are exclusively in a monogamous, consensual, relationship with a HVM. You have felt them out, you know they are HVM, and before you take the leap until marriage you know what you are getting.

I ain't waiting nothing! I made that mistake with my ex fiancé waiting until we were engaged to have sex. The sex was horrible. And we couldn't fix it. No amount of therapy, guided practiced, fresh ideas, position changes, made me come with him in the years we were together. Some men just cannot f- you right, no matter how HV they are in other places. I would not be living my best life if I would have married him. But you do you. But a HVW is living her best life, not semi living her best life. And yes sex is included in that best life.

Kitsune08 · 2020-09-28T00:22:27+00:00

It seems to me that a relationship is about a lot more than sexual compatibility though. Sure, that's part of it, but that is something that is meant to grow over time. It's rare (almost impossible) that you're going to find someone who is going to be perfect for you in every way right off the bat. The beauty of having a long-term relationship (particularly marriage) is that ideally the two of you grow together and learn each other as the years go by.

And I certainly think it's possible to vet sexual compatibility to a degree without actually having sex. There are plenty of ways to tell if a man is addicted to porn, likely to have weird kinks, etc. without actually having sex. Open, honest communication is a good place to start (and any HVM worth his salt will know how to do this!). You can also just check for clues, red flags, etc. through the various methods on this site.

The best things to look for in a man seem to be kindness, consistency and generosity, and I believe these characteristics also carry over into the bedroom.

2020-09-26T22:40:33+00:00

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Moonmask999 · 2020-09-26T22:14:23+00:00

Honestly I disagree, you have to vet sex. Is he a good lover? Does he make you orgasm? I would rather do the 3 month rule and vet how well he does compared to the others I'm dating. He still waits, but also, I don't have to wait. I've dated guys who are terrible at sex and I'm glad I found out when I did.

Of course, you can choose to wait until marriage. Depending on how old you are, people might not have the same values. But that's ok because you aren't compatible anyways. Then, if you do want someone with the same beliefs and is also christian then yeah wait for marriage. Keep in mind though that if you aren't having any sex- as in none, no blow jobs, no oral, no hand jobs, no anal, nada that you might not know what you want from a partner. Like what dick size or if he listens to you or if he stops after he orgasms. That's why I don't wait until marriage- So I can vet.

jjlew922 · 2020-09-27T00:28:56+00:00

Ultimately from a biblical sense, waiting until marriage is for protection. It’s how we get the ‘feel goods’ biologically/chemically and the one place we can meet as humans emotionally, physically, and spiritually. The problem ultimately with premarital sex are the soul ties. Bonds formed when we do have sex aren’t the best for rational decision making. I can agree waiting to make sure he proves himself is righteous. At the same time, every Christian man has watched porn. I’ve met some of the most devout Dutch Reform guys who grew up only in Christian communities and dealing with porn issues and temptation. The key is establishing true intimacy, in vulnerability and authenticity, with each other to be sure you don’t end up in a dead bedroom because your hubby would rather wack it to porn than have actually have sex - plus by then you’d have probably lost all respect for him anyways cause he’s a manchild.

DadaExperiment · 2020-09-26T22:08:46+00:00

I agree, and if I were to ever get involved with men again, that's the choice I'd make.

Revy_Ur_Engines · 2020-09-27T16:16:13+00:00

If you’re a Christian, just follow your beliefs. I wouldn’t want you to feel guilty if you did otherwise. Try to find another virgin Christian man who shares your beliefs. Personally for me I couldn’t wait until marriage because I have a high libido. Despite my opinion on the matter, I grew up with conservative Christians and I understand how marriage and sex is sacred to them.

asteria2002 · 2020-09-27T19:44:34+00:00

I would say wait till he is your boyfriend, after all he proved he isn't there only for the sex. But waiting till marriage is a very bad idea. Sex IS the second most important in the relationship if he is bad in bed, the relationship won't be a success.

Title	Let's talk about waiting.
Author	Kitsune08
Upvotes	55
Comments	25
Date	September 26, 2020 9:49 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/j0emky/lets_talk_about_waiting/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/lets-talk-about-waiting.272902 https://theredarchive.com/post/272902

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