Losing friends while enforcing boundaries?

stillcantsee · 2020-01-09T20:20:40+00:00

“Friends” mad about boundaries are users, losers and abusers mad they lost access to a resource.

Diamondsareagirlsbff · 2020-01-09T19:48:31+00:00

We might need a bit more detail - I mean ‘yes’ is the short answer that I imagine most of us will say.

Nifteroni-and-Cheese · 2020-01-09T20:31:03+00:00

A friend who doesn’t respect your boundaries isn’t a good friend. You can’t level up surrounded by people like that.

Itchy-Transportation · 2020-01-10T00:02:13+00:00

happened to me. you'll make better friends who respect the new and improved you. i had some friends that fell to the wayside, what i realized was my true and healthy friends LOVED that i was standing up for myself and becoming assertive. i have a friendships that have become much deeper as a result.

taele1996 · 2020-01-10T02:07:15+00:00

I had a friend who likes to pick fights with me ever so often and would get petty because of it. It’s so tiring. I did stopped talking to her for like a year but became friends with her again after a mutual convinced me to. That bitch didn’t change at all during that time frame. As for me, I matured and stopped taking crap from anybody. The final straw was when she started complaining that I don’t invite her out and hang one on one, which she doesn’t either so wtf? The fight went on for days and then I just didn’t reply. I said what I said. She didn’t listen. In the end, it’s not my problem.

geishageishageisha · 2020-01-10T15:33:12+00:00

I think a lot of people here don’t have dating issues but general people skill issues. People need to be honest about what friendship means.

People with shallow or surface level friendships, fake friends, and no role models are the people who end up in disastrous relationships.

Fake friends stand up for you in public whether you’re present or absent.

Don’t disappear in times of need - illness sadness, grief, etc

Are more than just good company

Don’t discuss you when you’re not there

Don’t make friends with your enemies (people who disrespected you, exes)

Expressly Support your goals (congratulate you, plug you, acknowledge your business/projects)

Mollzor · 2020-01-10T12:21:57+00:00

The people who complain about you having boundaries are the same people who benefits from you not having them. Just like how a person handles a 'no' says a lot about their character.

RiteWriter · 2020-01-10T08:47:51+00:00

You may also have HVFF (high value female friends? :P ) but they lapse into awkward areas because of life stuff. I've been there and told a friend to go ahead and end the friendship if that was her decision. My emotional threshold for dealing with certain things was not at a certain level, and this friend had to talk every little thing out. I get that to a certain level but had also communicated where I was. I just didn't have the energy to meet and do that at the time she required.

I also didn't have the energy to ask for another time. And that's ok. It also taught me some lessons about finding my center which is good, and I value the positivity of our past friendship. Like with anything else, let yourself grieve a little, look at the lessons, and know that you are closer to having the people you need in your life...and a period of solitude isn't a bad thing.

LlamaButInPajamas · 2020-01-09T19:00:16+00:00

I have slowly been eliminating toxic friends from my circle, and that has left me with very few.

One, who had been weird every time he got drunk.
Second, who had been like a little brother to me, but then asked me one day when he was already pretty hammered and uninhibited, if he could rage-fuck me to get the frustration out of his system, because he trusted me, and didn’t want to take it out on some random woman he met on tinder.
Third, a friend who told me not to start drama, even though he gave my number to my ex’s new gf. And then he forgot my birthday, and that was his third strike in my book. Because I don’t celebrate my birthday, but his is always a big deal, and that was just the last straw for me.
Fourth, a friend who asked me out, and then weirded things out between us completely after the second date.
Fifth, a very close friend of mine, who had been slowly ‘grooming’ me to be with him, and then lost control one day and sent me nudes and descriptions of what he wanted to do. That moment of utter disgust made me realize what was going on.
Sixth, an acquaintance who I politely had kept in touch with over text, because I’d met him once with a mutual friend. When that night had ended, he sent me a message saying that i was lucky the train doors closed when they did, because he almost took me home with for the night. That threw up SO many alarm bells, that in reply to his subsequent messages a month later, I made it clear that I wasn’t interested in even being friends with him because he wasn’t the type of person I saw myself being friends with. That started a new drama where he insisted we were going to be just friends because I wasn’t his type of woman, and he really wanted to be just friends. A whole lot of unpleasantness later... yeah.
And seven, my ex best friend. He stopped being a friend to me some time ago. We talk very infrequently now, but our lifestyles have changed too massively for him to be a good friend to me again in any way anymore.

It’s been a productive last few months. But tbf, I’m grateful for the lack of these people in my life now.

Title	Losing friends while enforcing boundaries?
Author	chickenpork72
Upvotes	33
Comments	10
Date	January 9, 2020 5:52 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/emd7hg/losing_friends_while_enforcing_boundaries/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/losing-friends-while-enforcing-boundaries.723350 https://theredarchive.com/post/723350

Comments