Making conversation with men

gitepor · 2020-03-24T17:05:28+00:00

I had to stop reading that article because it was starting to infuriate me. I've spent my whole life being interested in others and paying attention to what they say so i could figure out what they wanna talk about... has anyone done the same back? Nope, so fuck it. Most men aren't worth conversing with anyway 🤷‍♀️

ManchurianCantaloupe · 2020-03-24T17:23:48+00:00

This is why I had such a hard time on OLD. I'd ask open ended, though-provoking questions because that's literally how you fucking get to know people. In 99% of cases, the men would answer the question very bluntly with absolutely nothing insightful and never follow up with any questions of their own. It's like they just expect us to carry the entire fucking conversation.

vp2407 · 2020-03-24T21:00:46+00:00

Being shitty at making convo is a symptom of self-absorption. They expect women to listen to their problems and put themselves in their shoes to empathize, but can’t be assed to do the same for the woman.

Every date I’ve been on recently has been the first and last with this type of guy. And this article explains exactly why. I put so much importance on making good conversation, having practiced doing so for job interviews, and this skill of showing interest and making connections has been beneficial in every other aspect of my life when it comes to meeting new people.

However, when it comes to dating, this leaves me with the pressure of keeping the conversation going with men who lack these skills.

One guy I went on a date with only talked about himself. By the end I knew everything about his family and how his sister is a bitch and they don’t get along (🚩🚩🚩) but he wouldn’t have been able to tell you a single thing about me because he didn’t care to ask. And then wondered why I didn’t respond to a second date.

More than not these guys lack the self awareness to understand that even though the conversation seems to go smoothly for them, it doesn’t mean it’s enjoyable for me to politely listen to their rants. I’m not interested in your family problems; I haven’t known you long enough to care.

AnnieandFish · 2020-03-24T17:16:57+00:00

I feel as though the group of men that effectively empathize and want to learn about a partner are more likely to succeed at dating as a whole, so we would meet fewer of them in that context. I haven’t dated that sort of disinterested fellow, since I’ve been friends first with every person I’ve dated, but I’ve definitely met the sort of guy who only talks about himself and quickly runs out of things to say.

throwahweigh3521 · 2020-03-24T22:44:12+00:00

The first few paragraphs of the article - men soapbox, spew opinions to establish dominance and hierarchy through “knowledge”- that’s accurate.

The other analysis about the exchange dynamics and women asking too many questions with suggestions on how to ask “better” more genuine questions? Conversation for men has nothing to do with reciprocal exchange. “Improvement” will not yield different results.

Mansplaining, monopolizing, minimizing and misogyny- women can be an Oprah-like next level compassionate conversationalist but that never matters because men’s “communication” goal is monolithic. Men want to be heard. Period.

Storytime:

When I was dating, the men met had nearly zero interest beyond quickly judging me and then moving into their endgame. Everyone had a checklist style of conversation that was a countdown to achieve their goal- often it was sex.

I am interesting, atypical, well read, with a life of non mainstream jobs and choices - that has been an adventure with lessons from incredible heartache and beyond belief luck and serendipity.

I have a black belt in making the best of things along with a late in life education from well respected institutions and degrees from both the States and the UK.

Men rarely ask anything about anything about me. I don’t drop knowledge bombs or humble brag - if not asked I don’t tell. Here’s the thing when I was asked my answer meant nearly nothing.

Man: a where, what or why question??

Me: the answer

Man: “Oh” or no response. Like what I said was not assimilated or worth a follow up question or sometimes even understood.

My best takeaway is don’t bother.

I was deeply angry at the universe and men in general for a long time that my most valuable gift, my interior life filled with stories, knowledge and love of witty conversations that comes from all my experiences was a zero to men because I was only a fuck option.

Here’s the thing. Men’s online dating profiles list stuff that make for outstanding topics of conversation. I used okcupid because of the essay length opportunity. I wrote really funny and or insightful stuff- was attracted to men with extensive profiles.

And we all know the results. Men talk about your appearance and give compliments. They use terms of endearment. Men talk about their work, money, possessions and exes. Without context or invitation men talk sex. Men kill the conversation with one word answers , or stop abruptly, they ghost and sometimes resurrect from the dead. And this is them being nice and civilized.

Men don’t make conversation with women. Men talk and use selective listening that’s subjective to their goals.

gothpeanutbutter · 2020-03-24T21:25:45+00:00

One time a man told me that I was asking too many questions while on a date and it was so perplexing! Like he expected me to monologue or something?

A few months ago I went out on 2 dates with a guy who was so self absorbed it was almost shocking. At one point he asked me if I was bored bc I was watching tv at the bar while he ran his yapper and all I could say was “yes”

poulette12 · 2020-03-24T23:22:41+00:00

To everyone: I only liked this article because it was the only one I read on a slew of articles on the topic. Mostly linked in for validation that I am not crazy for noticing that. The advice they suggested on how to have better conversation seemed neutral to me but it is possible that they intended it specifically for women? I didn’t read too much into. I’m more interested in your thoughts on the matter itself than the article’s content.

rainbowshummingbird · 2020-03-24T22:00:16+00:00

Their only excuse is that they’re half retarded.

nymphaetamine · 2020-03-25T05:05:08+00:00

The only man I actually have good, reciprocal, and equal conversations with is my gay friend from work. Make of that what you will.

ItsAnonCat · 2020-03-25T09:24:54+00:00

I downgraded a guy just recently for that. We had an awesome conversation and then it changed to It like hearing you talk’ the next day I restricted the amount of time and energy I gave him to less than a fraction. I think he realized I’m not gonna take a lazy conversationalist. Show some damn interest or be gone.

Myhusbandsgoddess · 2020-03-24T17:34:26+00:00

Nice article. Though these are quite a lot of words to explain that a man who is genuinely into you will naturally be incredibly curious and ask many questions, because they want to know everything there is to know about you. In the end, that's really what it all comes down to.

Title	Making conversation with men
Author	poulette12
Upvotes	83
Comments	22
Date	March 24, 2020 4:56 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/fo8i8t/making_conversation_with_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/making-conversation-with-men.679644 https://theredarchive.com/post/679644

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