Marriage goggles

husheveryone · 2020-02-04T14:29:46+00:00

Amen! Study after study shows women are FAR happier single than married.

Reality: Divorce is the number one predictor of poverty for women.

So I am not persuaded by pro-marriage rhetoric (usually by young, never-married women up in here) espousing BS arguments like:

“Marriage can save you thousands every year in taxes and health insurance!”

Wrong. Not the full economic picture here at all. So can a job with good benefits. Or getting claimed as a domestic partner.

“If your spouse dies you don’t have to worry about keeping your joint property!”

Again, simply not marrying at all, and/or titling property as a Joint Tenancy with Right of Survivorship, and/or keeping your assets titled in your own name assures this.

“If you break up, laws ensure you get a fair share of assets!”

HA! Say it with me: Divorce is the Number 1 predictor of poverty for women. Men tend to be more strategic divorce litigants who do not hesitate to go scorched earth, and women get screwed over trying to be nice or by starting to date around in a fault divorce state before a final decree. A cheating wife tends to get fucked over in divorce court far, far moreso than a cheating husband. “Fair share of assets?” Ha ha.

The marriage goggles are distorted AF.

masterofthebarkarts · 2020-02-04T18:50:32+00:00

I am married to someone wonderful who adds enormous value to my life, but I would absolutely agree with this. At this point in my life I am much less pro-marriage, and would seriously caution any woman considering it.

Even good marriages take a lot of work, time, and energy. Yes, you share costs, and you can work together to meet financial, personal and professional goals, but you will still have a lot of work to do. I imagine it's a bit like having kids: you can't imagine how much work it is until it's happening.

The best men in the best marriages will still fail you sometimes. You will still find yourself lonely, disappointed, frustrated and tired. For all the single-person problems you no longer have, you will have new, married-person problems to take their place. Marriage is not better than being single - it is simply different. Sure, happily married people are happier than unhappily single people, but unhappily married people really do seem to be the most miserable of all.

Basically, you have to ask yourself, really bluntly, what you will get out of a marriage vs what you are putting in. What value does this person really add to your life, and what are you trading for that value? Is this person going to be a true, supportive partner? I think a lot of women are afraid to admit that their men are, at best, neutral.

Sadly I really think a majority of men are net-negatives. You're splitting bills 50/50, sure, but you're also taking on 60-70% of the chores, 90% of the cooking, 75% of the social planning/relationship maintenance, 95% of long-term life planning...etc, etc, etc. Is that worth it? Not all dudes are like this, but a lot are. Make sure the trade is fair.

freerollerskates · 2020-02-04T22:31:27+00:00

I had this stupid idea in my head that I wanted to get married at 24, so I got married at 24 to the first person who basically gave me the time of day. Ten years later I am working out how to get out of it with my dignity and sanity intact. Why did I want to get married at 24? Because I believed the bullshit about the wall (my shithead husband managed to convince me I was washed up at 26). Nobody would want me after 25. I needed to have a baby before I was 30. In reality my grandmother had her second marriage and her first baby at 40. My mum was getting offers of dates as a widowed mother of 3 small kids. There is no fucking wall ladies, wait for someone worth it.

Fatt3stAveng3r · 2020-02-04T17:33:15+00:00

Curious on opinions on this: How long should you date someone seriously before considering marriage?

ivy176 · 2020-02-04T15:08:07+00:00

I don't understand desperation to get married. I got married at 20, way way way too young, and it was partly due to visa requirements. I didn't fantasize about getting married even back then.

lilythebeth · 2020-02-05T03:28:44+00:00

This was me. Sometimes you don’t really know who you’re marrying either...even if you’ve known them for 5 years prior. :/

throwawaylikemylifee · 2020-02-04T23:23:22+00:00

Thank you for this reminder, been having some marriage fever lately.

Title	Marriage goggles
Author	azngirl7689
Upvotes	135
Comments	22
Date	February 4, 2020 1:46 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/eyq9n1/marriage_goggles/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/marriage-goggles.683317 https://theredarchive.com/post/683317

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