So if you have not read "why does he do that" READ IT. It will help you release feeling like you need to coach and soothe others who are not good in your life. And identify them etc.

But I also bought his other audiobook (well I bought all of them lol) "SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO" Lundy Bancroft

For reference, I am single, assertive and thriving. Had some abuse and neglect in childhood. Within the first thirty minutes of the book my mind was blown multiple times. Lundy outlines really specific behavior of him AND you (things you might feel or notice him doing that aren't directly abuse) that's not really touched on in other abuse books. It's not "lighthearted" but it's not a victim-wallowing book. Within 30 minutes he's laid out some cold hard FACTS that I can never un-hear.

He says men who watch porn are conditioned to see women as "not human beings" and rape as sexy. I agree with all the rough porn and porn in general.

As I was listening for 3 hours (out of 13) almost everything he said was FDS. He's a man who has counseled angry men for 30 years.

Even if you are single or in a great relationship, YOU NEED THIS BOOK. It will help you release a lot of baggage and inform you of red flags but it's very read-able .. not clinical and not hopeless. Really helpful book, Just as helpful or more than "why does he do that". It includes information on immature men, men with issues, etc not just "abuse". Soooo helpful