I'm in my early fifties and have been dating for about 9 years since my divorce, I was with my ex for 20 years. I live in a relatively small city where the pool of men to date has grown due to people moving to the area, but I have had no luck finding a HVM. I'd like to expose some fallacies.

  1. Some dating apps are for hook-ups, others have better quality men, paid apps are better than free ones - Completely false. An acquaintance of mine conducted an experiment. She joined all of the major dating sights that existed at the time and took copious notes and screenshots. Guess what? All of the same men are on multiple apps, both those deemed for hook-ups and those for relationships - like eHarmony. There was zero difference in the men out there.
  2. You will meet better quality men IRL through meet-up groups and activities. Wrong. Men who are on the prowl will be just as deceitful and manipulative IRL as they are online. In fact even if you meet IRL it is likely he has an online profile, although you won't know that unless you do too and see him there or a friend tells you.
  3. It's better to be introduced by friends - Not always. Remember, your friends only know this man in the context of friend, acquaintance or family member. They do not know how he behaves in intimate relationships. Men are very good at hiding psychological and emotional abuse behind closed doors. They don't tell their friends or family they are an abuser.

In my 9 years of singlehood as a mature woman I have used OLD off and on. In that time I've noticed the SAME men have been on there for YEARS. The same men are ALWAYS there. This is because they are not looking for a relationship - only sex. If you always see the same guy on there - steer clear.

I have had terrible experiences with men I met IRL, even when we had a large network of common friends and colleagues. People didn't tell me what they knew about him until after the damage was inflicted. They didn't want to "gossip." Only later did I find out he had a pattern of treating women poorly, but he is fun and charming so most people like him anyway.

Remember, there is not some mysterious pool of HVM out there that you have failed to stumble across. What you see is what is out there. The only way to go about this is through extreme vetting and using FDS methods. Also, the older you get the harder it will be. Not because you are less attractive as an older woman, but because the men in your age group that are single are single for very good reasons.

Stay safe ladies.