People Projecting Insecurity Onto You When You’re Quiet

shockingupdate · 2022-04-21T22:17:33+00:00

In American culture if you’re not constantly trying to suck up all the air in the room, you’re treated as free real estate for everyone who will. I thought it would subside after high school, but nope: if you’re not clamoring for attention in classes, at work, on dates, and at brunch with the ladies, something’s got to be wrong with you. And yeah, there’s a certain kind of LVM who outs himself as a manipulator the moment he catches onto the cardinal sin that is…gasp…introversion!

And that’s all fine. I’ve had friends of all genders who are too insecure to handle quiet moments with other people. Instead of turning inward or seeking therapy, they project those insecurities onto their introverted friends who are, most of the time, simply vibing, and announce to the world that they’re not confident socializing with people who think or act differently from them. This isn’t always the trash taking itself out, but it does give introverts clues on who to keep at a healthy distance.

BabyGothQ · 2022-04-21T22:14:59+00:00

lmaooo it’s constant. “Oh you were running away?? big shit eating grin you must’ve been so scaarreeedd” No, I just didn’t want to talk to them and got up and walked away lol

“You’re too nice and forgiving people will take advantage of you, you’re gullible” shocked Pikachu face when I walk out of their lives

ferociouslycurious · 2022-04-21T23:02:18+00:00

For me it seems to have the opposite effect. People think I have a superiority complex and am holier-than-thou. With men this serves me well, however.

whiskey_and_oreos · 2022-04-21T21:28:21+00:00

Being ~~shy~~ introverted is such a solid passive vetting strategy, especially once you develop the confidence behind it and don't feel the need to apologize or explain you're just introverted. We don't have to do anything other than exist for people to show their insecurities. Like you said, so many people feel this weird urge to rush in and fill the space we're choosing not to take with their own ideas of who we are and it's all projection.

It's also a vetting strategy if you're the type of introvert who is a completely different person when you feel safe around someone. I don't love when people call attention to it, especially in a "gotcha, I knew I'd break that shell" way.

exhalefierceness · 2022-04-22T00:54:01+00:00

At my job, all my coworkers are pretty much two-faced and have this superiority complex. If you're too quiet or don't engage in the gossip, they will start gossiping about you. & the worst part of it all is that the one who owns this place is exactly like this. I've come to notice she doesn't feel comfortable around me at times because I'm not like her other employees. That is not to say I don't socialize...I do, but I focus on my work and things that matter.

I've been introverted my entire life and people have made fun of me for it, have taken advantage of my kindness and mistaken it for weakness. To all of you ladies who are introverted like myself, there is NOTHING wrong with that. There is nothing wrong with reserving your energy for yourself and the right people.

ponchoacademy · 2022-04-21T23:37:16+00:00

Its an interesting topic, something I think about every so often when my daughter and I complain about stuff like this, but for very different reasons.

Im not shy at all, not afraid to speak up so on so forth but I give off some sort of vibe where, I can be very serious, speaking on something important, yet struggle with people taking me seriously or not realizing the importance of what Im saying.

My daughter on the other hand, is incredibly quiet, but she could say anything at all and people are like, oh man she felt like this was worth giving her two cents. Its amazing really, can be a group of people talking and they'll all fall silent to listen to her. And it drives her nuts, because shes really not trying to have any attention on her. Also, she gets the "its the quiet ones you have to worry about" remark a lot.

I think a lot of it has to do with how we project ourselves. Even though I am pretty confident, and outgoing (though introverted...I can deal with people, but it drains the life out of me) when I was younger, I would *constantly* have people as me if I was lost or need directions, randomly reassuring me Im doing a good job, or that I look fine, or to have more confidence in what Im saying, and Im there like, wtf are you coddling me I know this! And of course treat me like Im naive and could trick me with some nonsense... I just gave off some sort of vibe.

I started to become more aware of what was going on in that moment, to try and understand what was up with that. A few things I hit on are, when Im deep in thought, my whole face goes blank. My sister told me its like Ive disappeared onto another planet, and just emotionless. I started making a point, esp if in convo and processing what someone is telling me, to rest my head on my fist, find something to focus on while I listen, things like that give off a way better impression that I am thinking, not flatlining.

Another thing I noticed is I ended my statements as if it was a question...just a bit of upturn, or stuff like "I think this is a good way to do it", instead using more focused language like "this is a good way to do it" Also, being more pointed, think of what I want to say, then say it, instead of thinking of what to say next as Im talking, which often means hesitating, which people can take to mean Im not sure of myself.

And a huge chunk of this, I learned while watching my daughter, no idea how she does it considering my terrible example lol I think its just her personality and vibe really. Since always, she just carries herself with sense that shes got this. She also has this look...have you ever meet someone, they dont even say anything and you just know they are not the one to mess with? Its not resting bitch face, shes very approachable and all that, just that, no one is trying her patience. I still havnt figured out how to develop that skill!

Im still working on how to speak in a way to get my tone and mannerisms in line with what Im saying and feeling to project that better to others. If you're interested, google Social Signaling.

But yeah, just kind of my take on it, from my super limited observations of two people =)

IHateJobSearching1 · 2022-04-21T22:34:39+00:00

Oh man, my former manager was like this, I am quiet and reserved, as the youngest person and a the only WOC I felt quite anxious when I started the job and the manager would constantly make similar comments and nitpick my lack of chattiness, thus making me retreat more

Geocities_SEO_Expert · 2022-04-22T01:12:26+00:00

I've experienced this from random men trying to pick me up in public, who think they can just push me into going some place with them. Maybe they think they can embarrass me into agreement, because they think being "shy" is shameful. I'm not shy, I just want nothing to do with random skeezy geezers. As if I should be grinning ear to ear at the sight of these guys.

ultblue7 · 2022-04-22T02:21:03+00:00

My life in a nutshell. I’ve had people say they thought I didn’t have a mouth. I’ll admit at one point I was the quiet , mousy type but wow that got me basically run over. Now I quite enjoy my silence. I see it as the strength it is. People blab about their lives to me and I choose who I want to actually connect with and who to cut off or stay away from. They really tell on themselves. Recently I really needed my time for my own pursuits and it was definitely a lesson in who thought I was there to be their weekly pickup and not an actual friend. Once I cut them out my life opened up to newer and better people and things. I also rediscovered how much I love being alone and doing my own little explorations.

open_a_jar · 2022-04-22T02:45:50+00:00

Oh man I feel this. Another thing I noticed about being quiet and introverted is that people tend to be intimidated. There were times that my previous classmates/friends would admit that they were intimidated by me since I wouldn’t talk much and carry on with my work. I guess it’s the way I carry myself and not overtly talkative to people I don’t know.

However, I learned that once I’m comfortable around someone and they have earned my trust, I have no problem speaking whatever is on my mind. It takes time for me to fully trust someone especially if they’re a man who’s interested in me. Which I realize some men don’t take that well since I’ve been accused as being “guarded” lol.

Title	People Projecting Insecurity Onto You When You’re Quiet
Author	InspectorGadget07
Upvotes	214
Comments	19
Date	April 21, 2022 9:12 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/u8xqmi/people_projecting_insecurity_onto_you_when_youre/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/people-projecting-insecurity-onto-you-when-youre.1111708 https://theredarchive.com/post/1111708

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