What it is and what it looks like:

Protest behavior is passive aggressive or downright aggressive behavior exhibited when someone wants to feel seen and heard. It's an unhealthy way to ask for our partners attention by attempting to display unhappiness with lack of responsiveness or attention for romantic partner.

This looks like: excessive calling/texting, keeping score, manipulation, attempts at evoking jealousy

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Why it's bad:

Some people need attention and reciprocity in order to feel okay within a relationship and life in general. This is usually due to people seeking validation outside of themselves rather than within themselves. Needs for constant or repetitive external validation will not lead to happiness in life or in a relationship. Validation should come from within. If you feel secure with yourself and you relationship is still not meeting your needs then the relationship is not right for you.

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As it pertains to the men you date:

On a man, this looks like him being controlling, needy, guilting you about your choices, trying to make you jealous. If a man displays this behavior. Leave. You cannot fix him. It's not romantic. It's not love. He is rushing into it and in the end it will not work out.

Conversely, if he's not given you attention that you need, at a healthy level, then leave. You cannot fix him. You cannot change him. If he cannot show appropriate levels on interest in the beginning then you cannot expect it to get better.

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As it pertains to you:

Not only is this behavior and situation unhealthy for you overall but it generally leads to a negative experience in dating. This behavior leads to you accepting LV behaviors and be blinding by emotion. You stop focusing on if he is worthy of dating and start focusing on "does he like me". Your internal attachment issues take the reigns and will lead you astray. You start to forget to pace yourself. You rush in to things and let him take the lead. This is sending the message that your boundaries are not strict views that you live by but rather something you will compromise for him.

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What do do instead:

Trust in the process. Vetting a man takes time; you cannot rush through it to build intimacy. While there are many ways to test if a man is LV, there is no quick way to ensure a man is HV.

If you think back and realize you engage in this behavior then try reading a little about anxious attachment style. You can work to re-establish security and validation from within. Work on yourself, be open to changing behavior, and always be prepared to walk away from situations that do not benefit you....

If you feel like you are coming from a healthy place and ready for a healthy relationship but a man is not meeting your needs then tell him. He has one opportunity to be a HVM after you give him this warning. Anything else is you providing him with excuses in order to avoid the truth: he is a LVM and you do not want to be alone. You are trying to convince yourself that you can make him into what you need. You cannot. He may not be a LVM but the fact is, if he isn't meeting your needs it doesn't matter what other boxes he checks. He is not going to be your partner in life.

TL;DR

Be willing to feel vulnerable with your communication by stating your needs and boundaries firmly and without any confusion. Do not engage in protest behavior whether you are the one giving or receiving. Never be afraid to ask for your needs to be met and to leave if the answer is anything but emphatically yes.

Trust that you are worthy of a HVM and that you know yourself and your boundaries. If you cannot respect yourself and your boundaries, how can you expect him to?