So, I just learnt about this theory: Marcia suggests the development psychological identity can fall into 1 of 4 states - identity achievement, identity moratorium, identity foreclosure and identity diffusion.

This work is aimed at adolescents, but it struck me at how much the following 2 seem to apply to men these days.

  • Identity Foreclosure – the status in which the adolescent seems willing to commit to some relevant roles, values, or goals for the future. Adolescents in this stage have not experienced an identity crisis. They tend to conform to the expectations of others regarding their future (e. g. allowing a parent to determine a career direction) As such, these individuals have not explored a range of options.
  • Identity Diffusion – the status in which the adolescent does no have a sense of having choices; he or she has not yet made (nor is attempting/willing to make) a commitment.

They seem to be wishy-washy, no drive or ability to commit to anything. Or if they do commit it is only to short-term goals which benefit them, as per so many stories of women being used for sex and then either strung along or discarded.

Any values or morals again only benefit them and are subject to being twisted or dropped if it no longer benefits, rather than being a firm principle to be held.

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Yet these 2 seem to apply to women, I would argue even the libfems and pickmes.

  • Identity Moratorium – the status in which the adolescent is currently in a crisis, exploring various commitments and is ready to make choices, but has not made a commitment to these choices yet.
  • Identity Achievement – the status in which adolescent has gone through a identity crisis and has made a commitment to a sense of identity (i.e. certain role or value) that he or she has chosen.

A lot of them, and ladies here, have a sense of identity in regards to being married and having children, they would like to have a romantic and or sexual relationship with a partner. How many times have we all circled around identity moratorium when a partner treats or treated us unfairly and we didn't have the FDS lens to understand what was going on. To give us that solid understanding so we could achieve high standards, boundaries and values which allow us firmly hold our principles instead of shifting them when facing a crisis about the relationship and identity surrounding being in a relationship.

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Now, none of these are set in stone and we can easily move around all 4 of these identity stage, yet it still feels like the patriarchy enables men to mostly remain in the first 2 stages described. Learning about this makes me feel there really is a strong gendered socialisation divide between us and men, leading them to have become weaker in both mind and body with the advancement of technology and women's rights. Or maybe those things are finally revealing what has always been there about men - they are lazy opportunists and will avoid accountability where possible.

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What your thoughts on this ladies? I know for me it has strengthened my resolve to level up and keep working on figuring myself out.