Such an Important Idea. Stop accepting " I suck"

AyemHerself · 2022-04-04T01:40:31+00:00

My ex would say this on one of his many drunken benders. Eventually I got tired of his pity party and agreed with him. Then asked him what he was going to do about it.

Sage_Planter · 2022-04-04T03:28:07+00:00

My ex used to pull this crap on me.

Whenever he'd fuck up (which was often), he'd get all sad with those big, fake puppy dog eyes. "I just... I'm just not good enough for you... you deserve better..." he'd say, all defeated.

Finally, it clicked for me.

"You deserve better" really meant "I recognize I'm not treating you properly, but I don't think you're worth being better for." He was a grown man, if he wanted to do better, he easily could have. My expectations were really reasonable.

I started calling him out on it, but nothing changed. I'm not sad he's an ex and I'm rid of that drama.

AnniaT · 2022-04-04T12:57:05+00:00

"I suck at dating and relationships" - then if you suck so much why are you going on dates, scrote?

elainejay82 · 2022-04-04T05:45:09+00:00

Oooooof. This hits home with my longest running relationship. Dude was a carrot dangler. He would act so soft and use this phrase when he messed up with me. Never thought of it this way, but absolutely the behavior NEVER changed.

Great post OP! Taking notes...

katiekat0214 · 2022-04-04T00:52:40+00:00

Vetting strategy: ask him, what do you plan to do? how are you going to change? Use silent wait time to let him figure out his own answers. Change is hard, no doubt about it, but people generally want a sounding board to make sure they're on the right track. If he has zero clue at all, even after a couple of gentle suggestions to get the ball rolling, block and delete. No one should be Barb the Builder.

dottywine · 2022-04-05T06:46:19+00:00

And never say it of yourself, either. When I saw the title I instantly thought of Tana Mongeau

ironglaciers · 2022-04-06T01:15:18+00:00

My response is always "so?"

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