Update

Spittens · 2021-10-07T21:41:57+00:00

Honey, take it from me .... you shouldn't even be looking at men with anything but nope right now. You are in an incredibly vulnerable state and lvm/nvm can sense that.

Your focus right now should be setting some, clear, undeniable boundaries. You shouldn't even be acknowledging your ex, much less letting him use your home as a place to crash.

You need to get mad. Mad enough that you enforce your boundaries, mad enough to cut the abusive shit out of your life entirely and never look back. You need to be focusing on you, and you alone. Leveling up, getting your life to a point that you are happy with it, and yourself, is your #1 priority.

apommom · 2021-10-07T21:38:41+00:00

Girl I say this with kindness, please block your ex, remove him completely from your life, make sure you’re safe for several months, then consider dating. You’re not ready yet and you’re likely still very vulnerable.

It does sound like you’re being lovebombed here. I implore you to research narcissistic abuse because you have already been a victim. This is for your own best interest and safety.

Inspection-Critical · 2021-10-08T00:01:02+00:00

Girl, how are you dating right now??

Your ex slept on your couch last night?

Two so-called "amazing" guys have entered your life in the last, what, 24 hours???

Real talk: You've been in a toxic relationship the last 3 years - and you're still in it, because you're letting him crash your place. It's not over.

Even if it was, what are the chances these new guys are any good? Your boundaries and judgement right now are severely compromised, and we all know how predators flock to vulnerable women in hard times.

Focus on getting away from your ex, permanently.

Do it SAFELY, because he sounds unhinged.

Then stay single and focus on yourself for a while. You've been through hell and your boundaries right now are terrible.

shedipity · 2021-10-07T22:50:17+00:00

Your ex slept on your couch? You didn’t feel safe kicking him out but let him in? Sounds like your boundaries are quite weak since you’re vulnerable after the break up. I think you should spend some time focusing on yourself right now. It almost sounds like love bombing.

DivineGoddess1111111 · 2021-10-08T00:43:05+00:00

I think you should go home to California and stay there a while. You need to get away from this very dangerous man.

Don't date. You need some time on your own to process and work out your standards and boundaries.

You are vulnerable right now and should absolutely NOT date. You also need to find somewhere new to live.

Weeeeezh · 2021-10-07T21:00:14+00:00

Please read the handbook, 'the gift of fear' and 'women who love too much'

It will help you decide what to do from now on to avoid abuse and being used.

ububTkuc · 2021-10-07T21:29:19+00:00

Could you clarify something for us please? Your ex wouldn't be sleeping on your couch if you weren't opening the door when he shoes up. Why are you not drawing up some stiff boundaries? Why are you still letting your ex into your home?

XNjunEar · 2021-10-08T08:58:17+00:00

new jewelry, new shoes, going to my favorite restaurants

read about lovebombing and watch out. too much too soon that looks too good to be true, often is.

Platipus6 · 2021-10-07T21:36:39+00:00

Enjoy it while it's happening :)

Keep in mind that most women who leave an abusive relationship fall right back into a new one and are susceptible to the love-bombing stage of a new abuser who can sniff victims out.

You're so used to the bread-crumbing, the love-bombing looks good

You absolutely do deserve wonderful treatment. Keep a clear head and note any change in their behaviour, boundary pushing and lowering of effort. Don't make excuses for them in order to keep them.

Title	Update
Author	bluemexicanblanket
Upvotes	83
Comments	15
Date	October 7, 2021 8:48 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/q3iacw/update/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/update.1076838 https://theredarchive.com/post/1076838

Comments