Virgin at 27

colourwayss · 2020-03-01T19:19:13+00:00

If experience, lack of or otherwise, is a factor that’ll make him think less of you, he’s not high value

Radiant_Success · 2020-03-01T19:18:52+00:00

Comfortable is not something that you'll have to try to appear; you'll be comfortable with the act if you're comfortable with and trust the partner that you choose.

You don't have to worry about appearing new vs experienced, just worry about yourself and your own enjoyment.

Learn and know your own body and your own pleasure; its not a man that makes you feel good, its you, knowing what you like and what you dislike and having the ability to be in control of that through verbal and non verbal communication.

2020-03-01T23:32:14+00:00

I'm almost 30 and a virgin. I've only kissed one guy. I've dated about 8 people and have or haven't told them based on different things.

In my experience telling or not telling doesn't really matter.

If you're looking for a serious relationship and the person honestly likes you, it won't bother them.

If the dude is looking for a hook up he will maybe try for a bit but ultimately bail of he thinks you won't be "giving it up." But that's doing yourself a favor.

In my experience I usually get respect because of it.

I think you should tell a hvm so that he knows to help make your first time as comfortable and special. And if he's not willing to do that, then he shouldn't be the one.

throwaway23004345 · 2020-03-01T19:25:55+00:00

[deleted]

Suspicious_Trick · 2020-03-01T19:39:28+00:00

As others have stated, you’ll want to vet any new guys (whether for FWB, boyfriend, or future spouse). The weird/creepy reactions you’ve received from past men upon learning about your virginity are not how a HVM would react, IMO. FWIW, I didn’t have intercourse until I was 27. In my teens and early 20s I felt so self-conscious about it (and I had vaginismus to deal with), but looking back I’m so glad I didn’t give myself to the manipulative, controlling, or just plain low value men I’ve dated (even married one!) in the past. My now-boyfriend was nothing but supportive before/during/after. But that support and compassion have been present in all aspects of our relationship, which is probably a big part of why I felt comfortable enough with him to even try (I had told him about my vaginismus, but didn’t get too detailed before we first slept together). May have also helped that he hasn’t had a ton of sexual experience either lol.

didumakethetea · 2020-03-01T19:24:10+00:00

Sex is the most utterly natural thing in the world. A HVM who isn't trying to bend you in half or get you to do crazy positions the first time you have sex won't be able to tell you're a virgin. But he also won't think it's a bad thing and won't hold being your first over you. If you spend 6 months getting to know someone before sleeping with them, the sex is almost guaranteed to be good. It's not gonna be about past experience, it'll be about sharing the experience with each other. Have you masturbated? Had an orgasm? Do you know what pleases you sexually?

gigi_chi · 2020-03-01T20:29:12+00:00

My first never knew he was my first for the same reasons you stated. Don’t worry about it.

throwaway23004345 · 2020-03-01T21:26:19+00:00

[deleted]

throwaway23004345 · 2020-03-02T01:16:37+00:00

I have no advice to give, I think others covered that pretty well. I just wanted to let you know that you are totally okay. ❤️

DauphineOfViennois · 2020-03-02T06:51:17+00:00

You really shouldn't have sex with someone you don't trust with the fact that it's your first time. You also really shouldn't be having conversations about sex or fielding comments about your experience level from guys. Anyone who does that needs to go and the fact that this is happening means your boundaries are still way, way too low. So I don't think you're really all the way there on the concept of "a HVM who has proved himself" if you foresee yourself having sex with a guy who will mess you up over the fact that he's your first. What you should be asking is how to filter the guys who come at you with comments about sexual history, or how to overcome your own insecurity that's causing you to dangle that information for the judgment of casual dating partners. Not how to get all the way to the point of sex while masterfully deceiving them about where you stand on it. Women have pulled it off in various circumstances but again, ask yourself why you're implicitly planning to have sex with someone you don't trust. Don't have sex with anyone you don't trust with your life. Because a woman having sex is really putting a lot on the line that's not just a matter of perception, that can't be managed by interacting with the guy just so. That's libfem logic - pretend to be as carefree about sex as guys are, and that will magically make it physically and emotionally safe! Nope. Honestly the amount of insecurity you are projecting about being a virgin is kind of incompatible with FDS. Feeling like it's a hoop you need to jump is incompatible with holding yourself out as the prize. You don't have to have sex with even "a HVM who proves himself." And you certainly don't need to be nervous or embarrassed with a HVM. While of course remembering to be very wary of smooth-talkers, it's his job to put you at ease. Not yours to create a certain impression. Any man you are approaching like it's a performance he may or may not accept is not a HVM. Value yourself enough to hold out for something completely real.

Title	Virgin at 27
Author	throwaway23004345
Upvotes	60
Comments	23
Date	March 1, 2020 7:03 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/fbyrm6/virgin_at_27/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/virgin-at-27.681148 https://theredarchive.com/post/681148

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