What are some red flags that he’s not worth your time?

madandunabashed · 2019-09-10T10:47:48+00:00

[deleted]

RicochetChez · 2019-09-10T13:35:35+00:00

Over 38 and has always been marriage focused but couldn’t make it happen.

There’s usually something very wrong with those. They usually end up tricking a 20 year to marry them when they’re 45 just by sheer inertia of compound interest.

RicochetChez · 2019-09-10T13:36:33+00:00

Also, he’s never been broken up with and he’s over 28.

Make sure he’s experienced heartbreak.

dutchgal1997 · 2019-09-10T15:10:05+00:00

Guys that immediately start talking about sex or how they want to fuck you as soon as you meet them or match with them on dating apps. I need to be able to actually hold a normal conversation with someone, even if it's just a ONS.

AnniaT · 2019-09-10T22:12:21+00:00

Some of the biggest redflags I had to learn the hard way:

- Never plans dates/treats you with dates not even in the first dates

- Talks about other women with you

- Talks about his exes a lot

- Doesn't initiate

- Not affectionate at all

- All the conversations are sexual and sometimes sexual in a very dirty way

- Seems bitter when talking about exes or dating in general

- Cancels dates, specially last minute

justic3bon3r · 2019-09-10T20:36:29+00:00

Super secretive with social media
All the accounts he follows are exclusively Instagram models/porn stars

throwawayy92838383 · 2019-09-10T18:17:27+00:00

Will not pick you up if you don’t have a car (lazy, selfish with his time). House or car is messy when your presence is pre-planned (slob, be ready to play mommy in your relationship and clean up after him). Constantly brings up is his ex (he’s either not over her or they’re still fucking). Mood shift when you bring up condoms or being tested before sex (unsafe asshole).

madandunabashed · 2019-09-10T19:54:24+00:00

I can’t believe I forgot: if he takes too long to get back to you. Thank u, next.

mashleepotatoes · 2019-09-10T15:05:19+00:00

A guy once joked with me about stuffing me into his trunk. That was our last date.

Ambassadorcel · 2019-09-10T17:09:13+00:00

Has creepy incel vibes around him, live with his parents, has no car and/or no apartment. Talking from experience.

BLOCK_OF_JADE · 2019-09-10T17:33:24+00:00

If all his exes are hot maybe he's just also hot! Attractive people tend to date each other. It isn't healthy to imply that just because a woman is attractive she has no substance. Attractive people can be intelligent and full of rich personality and depth just like ugly people can be boring and vis versa.

I agree with the rest of the list.

xraygir1 · 2019-09-11T14:09:42+00:00

Big one for me is he will have a flurry of communication and then ghost for a week...then suddenly is back..only to repeat the cycle. I get people get busy but if this is a cycle, then I just assume im your back burner girl and you are just keeping me on reserve. Im out then and dont leave you that option. Block

PraiseChrist420 · 2019-09-10T11:48:51+00:00

Is 25/30+ years older and still lives with his parents, does not have his own place
can not drive

ManyPaintbrushes · 2019-09-10T21:12:46+00:00

I had a guy actually put his hands around my neck on a first date. Nope!!

Dani_Till_Now · 2019-09-12T17:43:46+00:00

I'm going to add:

Gamers (computer or system). I am a bit of a gamer myself, and I've never dated a man who was a big gamer, but my brother really is and it seems to just absorb so much life. It's like an addictive world of fantasy that can be almost better than real life to some guys and they can't transition well to living without it, like porn for some men. Some girls can take it, but I couldn't.
Victim mentality from previous relationships. Got to show self-awareness, and we all feel like victims from heartbreak, but to rise above that is important.
Lies. About anything. It's a sickening cycle, even small lies are a big red flag.

Willleyeam · 2019-09-11T02:29:01+00:00

Doesn’t take care of their teeth !

If he doesn’t invest time in himself to floss, will he ever invest time into you? Not in my experience.

666manhater666 · 2019-09-10T16:50:07+00:00

If he acts weird about mentioning other people he's dated. Yea you don't want to drone on about your ex, but if you can't casually say "oh I went to X country with the girl I was dating" then something fucking weird is going on.

Or if you ask how long they've been single and they're TOTALLY dodgy.

Both those things happened with my ex. I finally realized he wanted to seem perpetually available and not like he was constantly in a relationship.

lost-in-my-thought · 2019-09-11T11:29:37+00:00

These apply for both guys and girls but for the sake of this post lets use he (plus these were my experiences so he):

He rarely communicates.

He does not want you to meet up with his friends/doesn't want you around them.

He never makes time for you but expects you to.

Every single time, rather meet up with buddies but not his partner (friendship time is extremely important but not to the point where you neglect or dismiss your partner.)

Talks about his former sexual partners sometimes in detail.

Talks about other people he claims he loved.

JenniDeWolf · 2019-09-12T00:05:27+00:00

He cant say sorry. just noticing it on a first date, he ends up being like 15 mins late: Traffic was shit, oh my god this one person blah blah but never asks if you were waiting or saying sorry for the inconvenience. No one is at fault but its still kinda ugh to not plan ahead for traffic and end up late with not worrying about you.

mwallace__ · 2019-09-10T21:58:36+00:00

not offering to pay for you -- I am fine with him not paying for me, as long as he pays for himself.
admits he’s into choking - no man I’ve ever met who’s into choking has a healthy view of women -- I am totally in to this. We all have preferences, would be weird to hear on the 1st date though.
if all his exes are hot, you can imagine he’s not exactly a man of substance -- All my exes are attractive. Attractive people generally date attractive people.
if he’s friends with all his exes he’s probably the type to lead women on -- Or he was able to leave relationships without it completely blowing up?

Reject_Elephant · 2019-09-13T18:52:23+00:00

How do I find his ex’s? Is there an easy way to track them down?

Pearlet2 · 2019-09-12T03:39:25+00:00

****wants you to do girlfriend stuff but won’t make you his girlfriend because he’s “waiting” or “doesn’t like labels” or some other BS. ^I see this one ALL the time!!

-gaslights you or dismisses you when you tell him you have an issue with some of his behavior or with something he has said.

-he can’t have a serious discussion OR he can’t laugh things off. There has to be a good balance of serious and teasing or joking & knowing when which is appropriate.

-he doesn’t introduce you to his friends. (After a certain point, you should also be meeting his family).

-he doesn’t support your goals.

StinoSteen · 2019-09-11T22:07:33+00:00

May I ask why not offering to pay for you means he’s not worth your time?

Meganechan09 · 2019-09-24T15:52:02+00:00

If he's dating other people.

amandabole · 2019-09-10T21:36:28+00:00

Wow wow wow first of all- what if he is pretty hot? All my boyfriends ex’s are gorgeous but then so is he. And also they are ex’s so something didn’t work out. Don’t judge someone by where they have been. All my ex’s are also pretty hot.

Also just because it didn’t work with his ex’s doesn’t mean it won’t work with you.

This sub has become more of a man bashing territory than a dating strategy.

Why are we so focused on men and what they will and will not provide?

The first and only rule should be get you happy first then date. If you ain’t good with you then don’t be bringing someone else into the mix.

Do you first. Always.

s_slayer · 2019-09-11T07:27:08+00:00

What if he put me in a uber 4x on his dime, and paid for the actual date he asked me out on, but let me pay for our beers at the pub trivia without trying to stop me? We have met up 3x there not as a date per se as we both were going anyway and decided to join forces. The first 2x I paid for my own drinks as I always did before I met him, the 3rd time (tonight) I paid for his two beers and mine. No biggie right, that he let me pay? He knows I don’t make much and he’s fairly well off though I think he might be losing a lot of money on a property he’s trying to dump. He does seem possibly a bit miserly (mentioned the cost of my drink at bar A versus bar B) but he also seems like he’s falling really hard for me so I’m sure we could work on that? He’s 50 so probably set in his ways. I’ve always had men pay for me without question. All my exes. Then again they were emotionally unavailable case studies whereas this guy is very in touch with his emotions and has demonstrated a lot of care towards me. I hate to think I’ve been spoiled and might resent him for this.

DjanoManjo · 2019-09-10T18:15:18+00:00

Why would you want a man to pay for you? Why is this a red flag please?

A red flag would be his dating history. If all exes cheat on him, why? If he leaves all exes after he gets them pregnant that should ideally be an instant NOPE.

madandunabashed · 2019-09-17T19:34:23+00:00

[removed]

2019-09-10T22:12:13+00:00

[removed]

Title	What are some red flags that he’s not worth your time?
Author	madandunabashed
Upvotes	38
Comments	83
Date	September 10, 2019 10:43 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/d25s73/what_are_some_red_flags_that_hes_not_worth_your/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/what-are-some-red-flags-that-hes-not-worth-your.690622 https://theredarchive.com/post/690622

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