Who else had to unlearn normalizing and being flattered by men creepily leering and sexualizing you?

Who else had to unlearn normalizing and being flattered by men creepily leering and sexualizing you?

I thought the way men showed they liked me was when they leered and sexualized me. I was groomed due to child sexual abuse and our sexist society... I thought this behavior was normal. I was flattered, turned on (traumatic bonding and brain changes), and was attracted to creeps. It didn’t feel like love or like a guy liked me enough if they didn’t sexualize me.

Now as I have been processing my past trauma, I realize how much I hate and fear being sexualized. I don’t want to be sexualized at all and get grossed out when men do. I don’t want to do anything sexual or even date for that matter. I now see how wrong it is for men to minimize me to a sexual body!

I was so offended recently when I went to an educational discussion and at the end of the meeting the men were leering at my body.. how horrible that sex was the only thing that was on their mind instead of my intellect and what I could bring to help them!!!

So this is progress for me to realize how wrong sexism is because in the past, I never saw myself as a feminist. I still struggle with my body being turned on by creepiness because it was what was “normal” for so long. I am actually afraid of my sexuality right now and feel shame and disgust about it especially when I become turned on by violating sex.

However, I’m also noticing When I watch movies or see pictures of women getting sexualized, I get grossed out and triggered More than I ever have. I am now allowing myself to get grossed out by the creepers and being mean to them when I wasn’t able to for most of my life. I still have a part of me that gets turned on by creepiness and sexualization but I can confidently say it is starting to fade away especially as I continue processing my trauma and become more of a feminist. I was brainwashed by society and the abusers in my life. It is so bizarre to now see the truth and how what I was told was a lie about the sexualization and abuse of women to be normal and flattering.

I know with time and therapy, I will be able to retrain my brain to be turned on by healthy sex with consent and boundaries completely. I am already noticing that I am being drawn to these types of healthy relationships which I am very proud of myself for.

Who else relate?