Why are men like this

pineappleshampoo · 2020-08-24T23:19:28+00:00

Don’t overthink and try to analyse the motivations of people who hurt you or disrespect you like that. You’ll never know. There could be a million reasons and they all reflect on his character, not your own self worth.

Just block and move on, you’re worth better and he’s blown it even if he did try come crawling back later. Decent people don’t waste the time of others like that, you dodged a bullet.

babyturtle1995 · 2020-08-24T23:22:33+00:00

[deleted]

husheveryone · 2020-08-24T23:13:22+00:00

Yes, he intentionally did that to get passive aggressive “revenge” on you for supposedly turning him down 5 years ago and again starting 1 year ago.

Power and control is a helluva drug for these fuckwits. Looks bonkers to the rest of us, but yes, it’s definitely A Thing.

FurryBellyButt0n · 2020-08-24T23:23:26+00:00

First, I hope you know his actions have NOTHING to do with you as a person and all to do about their entitled and covertly narcissistic behaviors that made the feel enraged after you chronically rejected his advances so he kept you in his "good graces" for years to manipulate a friendship with you in hopes that he would eventually get "his revenge" by imposing the same hurt you made him feel by being honest with him. Since he didn't get to assert his control over you by "having" you as his girlfriend when he asked it eventually and you did not give him "the chance with you" since he delusional thought he was entitled to in due time, he decided he would continue to keep a fake friendship to eventually strike and hurt you so he can gain control over you in a different way by hurting your feelings. It's very calculated, but it's not really about you. It's about his depraved values, mindset, and sense of superiority towards women that is what is causing this. He is hoping (and probably feeling entitled to your forgiveness because he's delusional) that you believe his lies because he justifies or makes ups reasons why he "forgets" aka "deliberatly mistreated" you by acting in this manner intentionally and/or continues to chronically devalue you until your life is chipped away little by little until it's more detrimental to your well-being. It's toxic and you have to decide if you can go back to what it was before you found this out about his true character and I hope you know it's okay to do what is best for you, love yourself, and block his ass forever. You're allowed to put you first. From an outsider looking in, it seems the first step would be to promise to block and delete his presence in your life from here on out because it took some chronic resentment and anger to cause this type of buildup just to emotionally hurt someone on purpose out of rage. That's a red flag and you are allowed to do whatever you feel is best for you. It sucks to realize that most men are like this. Please know FDS is here to give you some honest feedback and insight on how to keep yourself in a place where you are confident to peace out when others are dragging us down before it gets to a place of detriment. <3

mitzislippers · 2020-08-24T23:18:19+00:00

Yikes girl he’s a dckleak for that. *hugs i had an guy do some ish like this to me a few years ago yikes just cuz I cancelled on him last minute. so he stood me up after that.

moon_prophet · 2020-08-25T02:10:53+00:00

“No worries. I wasn’t looking forward to it anyways”

Muahahaha

Ketolove604 · 2020-08-25T05:04:16+00:00

I recently had a Zoom vetting scheduled with a guy that I've never met. He acted excited for it and sent 2-3 emails to say that beforehand. For some reason, he never logged on and I was waiting around for him. Thankfully, I work remotely anyway so I was already on the computer. The NEXT day he emails and says his phone ran out of battery and could we try again? I ghosted.

Point is, who knows wtf is wrong with these guys. Personally, I just think "good riddance".

Btw, he said "I'm afraid of commitments" in one of our text exchanges. It shows! :)

Davina33 · 2020-08-25T07:54:35+00:00

This reminds me of Ted Bundy. Before he got his law degree he met this lady from a wealthy background. He really wanted to be with her but he was not taking the future seriously so she dumped him. Years later when he was more established they got back together. Things were going well when he cruelly just dumped her out of the blue. The poor women he killed, many looked like this ex girlfriend. This is how sadistic and psychopathic men can be.

babyturtle1995 · 2020-08-25T03:02:49+00:00

Yeah this is super hurtful because you gave him a chance and trusted he cared about you. He pursued you only to let you down and hurt you. He was all talk and actually manipulated you over time into believing he cares about it you. Despite all that, I wouldn’t read into it. This isn’t a reflection of you. This is a reflection of him. It’s hard to understand this is not related to you at all but it isn’t. Anyone who would do this (even if he actually was asleep) isn’t someone you or anyone else should date. I don’t care if he were to treat someone else better, it is a facade. His character is very clear and it has nothing to do with you or anything you did. This is who he is

nenindis · 2020-08-25T05:32:33+00:00

Take it from someone who took a trash ex back a few times back in my PickMe days: never, ever trust men who suddenly want to re-connect after years of absence! If he had wanted something to do with you, he would have been there all along, no games, nothing. Considering everything I've learned from both personal experience and this sub, I think it's safe to say these guys never have pure intentions. Do not give men the benefit of the doubt, fellow queen! I always follow the reversed principle of law: Guilty until proven innocent. If he shows constant interest, consistent HV behaviour? I might consider it. If not, then the only way is out.

As for how you reacted, as others have noted: this is not about you as a person. You wanted to give a chance which, in itself, is not wrong. Wanting to be kind takes strength, therefore I admire the kind. Yet, in this particular situation I cannot help but to wonder about the timing, even more so since you said you two re-connected after your break up. To me, he did all this out of spite, he did it purposefully to hurt you. NOBODY just "falls asleep" and they magically forget about the plans they make.

I'd advise being ruthless in the future. No consistency? He's out. Mixed signals? He's out. Prolonged absence after which he suddenly wants to reconnect? Please, for your sake, do not engage. Men like this simply are not worth your energy and your time, sister.

typeadhd · 2020-08-25T14:14:05+00:00

He’s trying to play games and gauge your interest by flaking and trying to change the power dynamics in the relationship and so you can be like oh ok let’s reschedule and you start putting in effort

He doesn’t want to look like the one that cares so much and so he flaked

babyturtle1995 · 2020-08-25T04:36:22+00:00

I wouldn't worry about it. Maybe he fell asleep. Still a loser.

IamfromCanuckistan · 2020-08-25T13:55:09+00:00

No, he wants you to feel rejected so you'll keep trying harder and harder to please him, which will include ignoring when he treats you like shit. It's conditioning, and all abusers do it. Hell, it was my mother's signature move too!

randomgirlimok · 2020-08-25T02:36:02+00:00

Did you have sex with him? If yes, then you know for sure why.

Title	Why are men like this
Author	babyturtle1995
Upvotes	169
Comments	33
Date	August 24, 2020 10:58 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ig00dz/why_are_men_like_this/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/why-are-men-like-this.169369 https://theredarchive.com/post/169369

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