Why I Defended, Supported & Enabled Bad Men

Cibonita · 2021-09-05T01:41:28+00:00

I feel like the men that are friends with abusers are similarly aligned to defend them as the pick-mes too

jupitaur9 · 2021-09-05T16:49:56+00:00

She’s still protecting them. She didn’t name them.

elainejay82 · 2021-09-05T08:20:08+00:00

I remember once I took a women writer's class and it was generally all out feminist. We had group projects at the end of the class and one girl gave her harrowing tale of being abused with tears streaming down her face. It was very cliche tactics the guys used like telling her what to wear, etc. I froze up during her presentation. Although her abuse didn't quite match mine, I knew very very deep down inside that I was experiencing something similar. It was so buried in me I could hardly recognize what the issue was. It was one of the only times during the span of a 13 year long relationship that I recognized I was being abused and it was only because someone else had the guts to talk about it. Mine was more silent treatment, bombing me with gifts and trips to guilt me into not complaining, etc. So I almost felt silly compared to that girl's tale of what she had endured. I was groomed at a young age by a very rich guy.

During all of that I often made fun of women who got as emotional as the brave girl who shared her story in the class. I never had the guts or really the wherewithal to admit what was going on with me.

I agree with what the article says about it being a survival tactic. When I look around at my friends at the time and my family, there was no way anyone was going to believe me that Mr. Slick Rich who "spoiled" me so much could have been abusing me. All of them thought I "had it so good." I do not get mad at pickmes for this reason when they defend POS men. I was once one of them while being abused and I couldn't even recognize it as abuse. I had no support system who would get it and I innately knew that so, innately... I kept my mouth shut.

It wasn't until a decade later that I came to terms with being groomed and abused and shared my story. It took me that long to recognize it.

I applaud any woman saying anything out loud about being abused because I know she is not going to be believed but she is saying it anyway. There is no justice almost ever in speaking out about being abused. Those women are taking huge risks and I can understand the women who cannot or will not face their situation and upbringing when a mirror is held up to them.

Because, well..... waking up hurts.

blueboobs- · 2021-09-05T11:08:04+00:00

I can follow the styrofoam headed rationale but I can never forgive the women who’ve done this to me...

MajesticSkyPachyderm · 2021-09-05T11:44:01+00:00

Yeah, I'm still not going to feel pity for women who do what she did. Being abused isn't an excuse for gaslighting other women who've also been abused and are brave enough to come forward and voice it.

Title	Why I Defended, Supported & Enabled Bad Men
Author	Love_Artemis
Upvotes	87
Comments	11
Date	September 5, 2021 1:13 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/pi3mcu/why_i_defended_supported_enabled_bad_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/why-i-defended-supported-enabled-bad-men.1066834 https://theredarchive.com/post/1066834

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