Yes. Planning an interesting date or activity together can be a turn on. You don't have to be a genius to figure that out 😒. But the two replies on the bottom are just gold 😆.

shinyjewels · 2021-09-24T20:36:12+00:00

The bar is in hell

whiskey_and_oreos · 2021-09-24T20:59:55+00:00

It takes less time to find a well-reviewed and conveniently located restaurant on Google than it does to style my hair.

The bar is in hell and we're tired of the excuses.

donttextme_k · 2021-09-24T20:42:57+00:00

All excuses, I used to give the benefit of the doubt until i met my husband, super shy and just rather stay at home type of person, but he still end up calling me everyday and taking me out on dates

Sage_Planter · 2021-09-24T22:46:57+00:00

Given how often men throw out the "I'm not good at _____________" excuse, it's a surprise any of them have finished school or managed to have jobs...

SakuraGirl88 · 2021-09-24T20:47:17+00:00

I've never been on a real date before that was planned. It was always a meet-up thing 😒. If I agree to take time out of my schedule and venture outside, just to get to know you, then yes, plan the damn date.

missisabelarcher · 2021-09-25T02:23:53+00:00

This is the other side of weaponized incompetence. And though it sounds like the recognition of a woman's often unacknowledged emotional labor, I do think it's a huge red flag if you ever come across this kind of thinking during dating.

The idea of "Whoa me putting in effort, give me a cookie" is really the flip side of "Wow women are just better at planning, organizing, initiating blah blah all life admin, I should just leave it up to her, she can just ask for help if she needs it." Both hinge on this idea of women somehow "naturally" being saddled with the care, running, logistics and maintenance of families and organizations, while the men get to handle what they "naturally" seem better at, like strategy and wielding decision making power.

But these kind of things -- planning, initiating, organizing, remembering to buy the goddamn present or birthday card -- these are all learned behaviors that men can and should learn, too. And often do exhibit in other areas of their life BUT their home, partners, families and relationships.

(And also, some LMV are smart enough to know to do this kind of thing in the courtship phase -- mine did -- but it can drop off as soon as you move in, start a family, etc.)

When I hear this kind of "insight" now, I kind of cringe and it puts me on high alert. Because it's almost worse: he knows enough to know what an uneven burden it is, but he still think the exception should be rewarded -- when it should just be a natural expectation for every freaking adult.

ocean-angel- · 2021-09-24T20:44:08+00:00

This 😂 Honestly though, it disgusts me that I can think of at least 10 men off the top of my head (mostly LV boyfriends of friends/flatmates, or who were in my classes at University) who neither put any effort or care into planning a date/buying gifts, who I would bet money on the fact that their clothing/underwear is filthy, their homes are a mess, and they sleep on a mattress on the floor (or worse, a NEST🤭)

Seriously though, it’s painful to think that these men can dedicate hours (and $$) on going out with ‘the boys’, gaming, on their elaborate hobbies, etc, but can’t invest a basic amount of effort, care and money into a date, and then have the nerve to say women are ‘tOo dEmAnDiNg’ or high maintenance to expect the absolute bare minimum.

One of my old flatmates met her NV ex-bf through tinder, their first date was at McDonalds (😶) and concurrent dates throughout their relationship consisted of watching movies in her bedroom, going out to fast food places to eat when he was hungry, to the gym (where he’d comment on other womens bodies) and walking around the local mall or park (he didn’t have a car, so she drove everywhere). 🤨🤨🤨

spinsterchachkies · 2021-09-26T18:18:00+00:00

Some are still not good at that tho…. ☠️

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