You cant change him

AyemHerself · 2020-01-25T20:18:12+00:00

People who don't want to change will chase you forever if they think you'll put up with their shit.

Unlikely-Marzipan · 2020-01-26T00:44:25+00:00

I hate it when people say (and even counsellor have said this) that a man will change for the “right” woman. The one he loves. He will change because he won’t want to lose her. No! He still needs to change for himself, and most times he still needs consequences from her. And even then he won’t change, because addicted people (whether it’s drink, drugs, sex, porn) don’t see the harm in what they are doing and will make excuses till the cows come home. It doesn’t matter how much they “love” a woman. And to be honest, most of those types aren’t capable of deep love, and also will “love” someone who will put up with their shit.

It’s a scary thing for women to hear, because if he doesn’t change, or just makes token efforts to appear to be changing “for her” then she can get stuck in the cycle of trying to win his love, so that he will change! Trying to be better, more understanding, more sexual, more sexy, skinnier, prettier, curvier, funnier, more fun, more exciting, more more more - always running around trying to prove she is worth changing for! Then getting stuck thinking he won’t change for her, so she must be bad, and he will just change for someone else who’s “better” than her. No no no.

ohmira · 2020-01-25T22:55:19+00:00

Healing journeys come from within 🙏

It always surprised me how the men I dated in the past always said they wanted to heal, but even a little work (like skimming a self help book I read in the past) was fought tooth and nail. Then a few months down the road... it’s my fault that I am not doing enough to support them. They need guidance, they need encouragement, they need me to prove to them that it’s worth the effort.

So there I was trying to stay positive for myself and another grown ass adult who refuses to even try to do right by themselves. Yeah, no more projects for me.

daglowup · 2020-01-26T07:57:29+00:00

I also despise LVMs and pickmeishas who say “if he really loved you he would change so if he doesn’t then you ain’t the one” Excuse me? Why do I have to prove myself as WoRtHY just to inspire him to work on himself and make changes? Especially when he’d probably dump me after his upgrade for someone he perceived as better? I’m not participating.

Whateverrr_345 · 2020-01-25T20:44:55+00:00

100% the truth sis

Unlikely-Marzipan · 2020-01-26T00:39:01+00:00

Needed to read this!

Novemberinthechair · 2020-01-26T11:34:34+00:00

Yeah no. I'm tired from just thinking of reforming a man.

jumping-for-joy · 2020-01-26T23:13:45+00:00

I don’t typically indulge when I see these types of posts because these sentiments (you can’t change him” are never black and white. I think some men are changeable in some areas while others are not. The thing is, due to the complexity and uniqueness of every individual it just all depends on the time of day, year, mental state, will/desire, maturity, etc.... and unfortunately you never know who you’re encouraging and if that person is susceptible to change. It’s a shot in the dark. Keep trying or let it go, that has to be your call but again if you’re an empathetic person you may be trying in vain, who knows!

Title	You cant change him
Author	reddithashaters
Upvotes	137
Comments	21
Date	January 25, 2020 8:03 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/etvrd6/you_cant_change_him/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/you-cant-change-him.684009 https://theredarchive.com/post/684009

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