Your dignity comes first no matter how much you think you love him. Period.

2340000 · 2020-05-20T12:08:54+00:00

Perhaps consider that the relationship had no substance before you had sex? Having sex highlighted his nonexistent feelings and your need for validation. The sex didn't make you clingy. It made you realize that nothing would win his affection. Plus he, "sold you the fairytale" and used false victimhood. Sounds like emotional manipulation. Hence why you'd behave abnormally to someone manipulating you!!!

You already said he wasn't a big deal🤷 (meaning he ain't sh&%) Don't feel worthless because some LVM rejected you. You will always feel clingy with an emotionally unavailable narcissist. You are putting the opinions of men before your own. I don't even believe in clinginess🙄. You weren't compatible. He didn't meet your needs. He was manipulating you! Instead of trying to fix an issue that arises in toxic relationships, work on identifying narcissistic men.

Sex isn't power. Don't think you lose power by having sex. That's what LVM, who bask in patriarchy want you to think. Give it power and it will control you. You need to work on your self worth, your vetting skills, and your standards. Waiting for sex will do absolutely nothing if you don't master the aforementioned skills.

jesza09 · 2020-05-20T09:43:07+00:00

It’s a great book, it helped me a lot too. Never ever sacrifice any of yourself or what you enjoy for a man, always have your own life and priorities. The only kind of men who would be flattered by any of that behaviour would be very low value.

DoeEyedBrownSkin · 2020-05-20T10:36:24+00:00

I cringed at the paragraphs you sent everyday 😑 but I’m glad you’re awake now. 👏🏽

I also re-read the book after my last downfall, puts things into perspective. I’d rather be a bitch than a nice girl.

If you’ve watched love is blind on Netflix, aren’t your shocked that Gianini and Damian are still together??

Although she was definitely abusive but that man cannot get enough of her lmfao! I cannot believe he’s still interested in her 😳

FewCucumber29 · 2020-05-20T16:29:53+00:00

More women need understand that for men, consistent, unwavering respect is the most foundational thing they can give you in a mutually beneficial relationship. When a man doesn't respect you, everything in the relationship goes downhill. This is why when a man violates his respect for you just once, you need to walk away, because if you tolerate it, he will never look at you the same again. This is why you don't come back to the relationship even if the man has worked on himself and has actually changed. People don't seem to understand how the relational dynamic you have with a sexual/romantic interest sets the direction and decisions taken in your entire relationship. He will have it in his head that he can continue to disrespect you even if it's not intentional and something in you is willing to tolerate that. Most women think it's the big moments that matter. But really, it's the little moments that incorporate a lack of consideration on the man's part about what you want that reveals a man's disrespect for you.

When a new person comes into their life, they do not have an established relational dynamic. As long as the woman always maintains standards of respect, the man never has any leeway or idea on how to disrespect that woman. His perspective starts anew with a woman who has never tolerated disrespect and he knows he needs to hold himself accountable to come correct for himself as well as for the woman. For you, it's all over and that's a good thing. The fact that he knows he feels this way and is incapable of being honest with you about it shows some really bad values, beliefs, and a lack of control in his character. Those habits may have honestly changed if he worked on himself and is able to start a new relational dynamic with another person, but it's a lot harder to overcome that relational dynamic with someone who was there when they were more toxic. Most men in the world are like this, which is why FDS is so great because its main objective is to give you perspective on being single and how as women, singleness should be the default happy life. If you just so happen to come by a man who comes correct it gives you a slew of information to make sure you screen for consistent, unwavering respect for you from the man as well as compatibility. It also helps you to continue to screen for the entire relationship and never put yourself in a position where the man has disrespected you and you don't move, to the point you break up or die.

A HVM will let you know as soon as it happens if his respect for you has diminished and the way he sees you has changed. They'll walk away from the relationship if this happens and are justified in doing so. It will not be wishy washy or late like so many LVM do it. They will not respect themselves if they are not honest and and to the point. Women need to look out for this in relationships even if he's good to you now, because there is always the opportunity for him to go back to the habit of not respecting you.

This is why FDS encourages women to shut down relationships, situations, etc. immediately when there's a red flag, reasonable suspicion, or unsatisfactory behavior. It's because despite how much you try, work on yourself, develop, learn to respect yourself in the relationship etc., there will always be a sense of the previous dynamic of disrespect in your relationship.

More women need to have a game plan if/when this situations pop up because if they don't they're at risk for losing all their personal dignity and dignity in the relationship.

devoushka · 2020-05-20T15:27:14+00:00

Sounds like you think your behavior is what caused the relationship to fail but you guys just weren't compatible. Don't beat yourself up for how you acted towards him, but rather reflect on why you didn't recognize that he wasn't ready to commit. You deserve to have someone love you as much as you love them. Your clinginess isnt the problem it's the fact that you were with the wrong person.

gcthlp · 2020-05-20T13:07:54+00:00

I have certainly lost part of me in the relationship. I wasn't too clingy imo actually he kept saying he loves staying with me home and cuddling. I gave up jobs for him and moved to him so I spent the majority of that time home with our dog (language barrier and our location made it really hard to work at a decent job, at some point i worked temporarily as a cashier with an MA degree) so I worked on my own business which was taking off and he seemed proud and supportive. Still, i neglected my own life and didn't go out with friends separately, partially because I had no friends. But I started to work on that too. I noticed in hindsight he lost himself too. He stopped cycling as much as he did before. We were constantly together. But it felt right and he gave me the vibes he's comfortable and happy as well. Later I heard i was a burden to him in his sports and veganism, because I occasionally cooked the leftover meat. But, he had a steak last week so there's that.

It feels like I was blindsided. I suggested meeting new people - as friends - and we did. But then we fell into our routine again.

throwawayitst · 2020-05-20T18:47:53+00:00

I'm with you, sis. I also caved for him even though the red flags were there from the beginning. We were together 4+ years and I honestly can't believe how much of a pickme I was. I put him on a pedestal, and even now after the breakup I still feel super attached to him as if he were the only man alive. It was my first relationship and my first time with sex too, so you can imagine how emotional I was. The next man I'm attracted to will have to sweat to get me. We've learnt from this experience!

Resident_Biscotti · 2020-05-20T13:44:26+00:00

Please could someone give me some bullet points from the book? I’m not able to get a copy but I’d love to know what the main takeaways are .. heard so many good things about it!! 💛

Sreshme · 2020-05-20T23:26:30+00:00

No disrespect to OP. But you sound like a pickmeisha who doesn’t acknowledge her pick me ways to me. Irrespective of that guy being LVM HVM, you ought to be High value woman. Also, all emotionally unavailable men act like he is ready for commitment and shows vulnerable sides. I made that mistake enough times. I am learning, healing from my pickmeisha ways. It’s a bumpy ride. Hope you realize and get stronger with high standards!

Title	Your dignity comes first no matter how much you think you love him. Period.
Author	throwawayitst
Upvotes	195
Comments	42
Date	May 20, 2020 8:20 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/gn7hd3/your_dignity_comes_first_no_matter_how_much_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/your-dignity-comes-first-no-matter-how-much-you.675688 https://theredarchive.com/post/675688

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