Abuse has no gender

christina_murray_ · 2024-03-28T14:45:42+00:00

*in here, not in her lol

Gantolandon · 2024-03-28T19:50:16+00:00

There’s one more thing why the “man should be strong enough to fight back” trope is bullshit: physical abuse is pretty much the finale.

Abusers choose partners that won’t fight back and escalate slowly. It usually starts with lovebombing and isolation. With grandiose gestures of love, they establish themselves as perfect partners, which later means it’s harder for the victim to believe they are with an abuser. They also try to make them alone by portraying the victim’s family and friends in negative light. “They treat you badly, you deserve better.” “They hate me and want to break us up, why do you tolerate this?” They might also make it look like the victim isn’t worthy of them and the abuser is doing them a favor by being with them.

The abuse starts later, and develops slowly. Hurtful jokes (“Why are you so sensitive? I wasn’t serious!”), backhanded compliments (“Why are you angry? It was a compliment!”), triangulation (“My ex is appalled with how you treat me”), purposely finding reasons to get angry. Resistance is punished not necessarily with aggression (though it can happen), but by withdrawing affection and making it look as if the relationship is on the verge of breakup. The abuser wants their victim to constantly prove they’re worthy of them, because it makes them feel secure.

At that point, the victim doesn’t even know they’re being treated unjustly. If they were able to see this, the abuser’s tricks wouldn’t have worked on them in the first place. They feel their “perfect” relationship is threatened and they do whatever they can to get their partner back. And it works; as a reward for their hard work they get a bit of what they had at the beginning, although always less and less.

If the victim is lucky, the abuser will eventually find someone better and discard them like trash, leaving them wondering how could it go so wrong. If they’re really lucky, they’ll regain enough of their dignity to decisively get rid of the abuser and go no-contact. The real horrific things happen when none of those things happens, because the abuser will escalate every time they feel they lose control and they never really feel in control.

Once the victim realizes they’ve been duped, usually they’re already conditioned to not resist because it will only get worse. They have no one in their life but the person who abuses them, and they had to humiliate themselves many times over to “save” the relationship. They could be strong as Hercules and shoot lasers out of their eyes and it wouldn’t help them.

leroy2007 · 2024-03-29T14:48:39+00:00

Has anyone else noticed that almost every woman these days believes her ex was abusive?

WannabeLeagueBowler · 2024-03-28T19:01:12+00:00

Can the poor abuse the rich?

Title	Abuse has no gender
Author	christina_murray_
Upvotes	106
Comments	11
Date	March 28, 2024 2:45 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/comments/1bpxc2y/abuse_has_no_gender/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/abuse-has-no-gender.1513491 https://theredarchive.com/post/1513491

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